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Got the Rudest, More Harrassing Email Today
March 4, 2007
2:29 pm
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gracenotes
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Today, I was surprised to get an email from this guy that I had started working with on this project with another guy. With being accepted at a university, relocation for much of the year, and his flaking out, with no explanation, on something last week, I gave my notice on Thursday clearly in an email. I know, from experience, he checks emails regularly.

His email back this morning was so out of control, accusing me of this and that, letting me know what a victim he thinks he is and its my fault. Using the f word. I just read it and said, more than anytning, oh well. I mean, for me, that represents such progress. I did not emotionally respond to this with that yucky feeling of being attacked. I just decided he was off base in his responses. I had some reservations about him anyway. He was not totally honest in how he represented himself, and he said he smoked "just a little" pot. Those were red flags to watch for, but the true colors sure came out quickly.

I did respond to him. I expressed that he was being very unprofessional in sending slandering emails and taking things so personally, that I gave him adequate notice, that he did not seem to care for my needs -- I would need to stop involvement in mid-summer as I am relocating to go to a university a few hours away, that if he had asked, I could have temporarily filled in for something going on yesterday. I also told him I was blocking his email and to not contact me ever again in any way.

I also sent a short, pleasant email to the other guy, wished him the best, made comment that I was not sure what was going on, and that I had received a harrassing email from the other guy and explained briefly things from my perspective.

I know I am a responsible person, that I acted appropriately, and even acted in the best interest of these people by bowing out now. And, if kind of amazes me, and this is a good sign, that I don't feel bad about anytning, he can call me any name. Doesn't matter. This is another thing that makes all this healing work so worthwhile. I just don't feel any need to get involved in his drama, to react, to feeling yucky, it is just an event, I responded appropriately, I think. This is something that is so worth it. A new way of reacting for me, for sure.

I guess that's why I am writing about this. Because I naturally reacted so differently.

March 4, 2007
3:05 pm
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mumubaby89
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to be honest the most apporatie thing you have done was printed it off and shown the person in charge at that company because it might not just be you getting emails like that and someone else could suffer by them.

The problem we have today is everyone is on email and alot of people are negative on it because they are not in person

just enevr reply to then emails because he will react and react to themeach time you do because he knows then that if having an effect if little on you.

Print them off and save them

I have learnt from experience at my college

March 4, 2007
5:26 pm
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gracenotes
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mumubaby,

That's a good idea -- to print it out and keep it for my records. You're right about email too. Its so easy to spout things off and send them. I have learned by experience to never send emails that I would not want anyone else reading. I keep them appropriate, courteous, and pleasant. I don't discuss details of my personal life or of others in them. Never know who is going to read em anyway. I have the assumption that someelse might.

Someone once made a point that emails are to discuss times, places, appointments, but emails are never a place to get into discussions that involve conflict, to express hateful things. Email is really a permanent record, its never really totally gone. Be careful what you put out there. I felt I was careful and non attacking.

Sorry, if this was confusing, this was not a work situation, it was more an informal, so-called fun thing, we were working on together to possibly make some money. Haha, no I did not give notice at my regular job, not yet.

Maybe it would have been better not to reply at all, but I think I did reply to create no contact boundaries, don't phone me, or drop by my house boundaries. And, there will be no more contact, this is done. This is someone I never have to or want to see again.

Anyway, the whole point of my post was to say that I didn't get reactive at all, no yucky feelings, he was way out of line. I felt that sending a response was my way of setting my boundaries and stopping this nonsense.

I guess you disagree?

March 4, 2007
10:20 pm
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eurogurl
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hey Grace, youre a fine example of grace and composure, appropriate name, keep up the good self work, others will follow and be inspired.
You have better work awaiting you, with better people.

March 5, 2007
10:19 am
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gracenotes
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eurogirl,

Thanks for your positive words. I was thinking this morning that I am getting better at bailing out of situations that are really not good for me and doing it quicker. I saw the red flags from the beginning anyway.

Hopefully, I will get even better and say no from the beginning, but this was pretty much a quick exit.

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