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February 24, 2004
3:23 pm
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Zinnie
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O.K. - specifically Ladeska -

I got it now... just something I cannot do anymore - or at least for right now.

If needed - put my name on a thread I will reply. But due to health, I can no longer keep up.

February 24, 2004
3:29 pm
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Utahgirl
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I hope your feeling better Zinnie.

February 24, 2004
3:31 pm
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vixster
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Zinnie - please take care of yourself, and feel better soon. I'll be praying for your quick return!

February 24, 2004
4:14 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Take care Zinnie! I will keep you in my prayers.

February 24, 2004
4:18 pm
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Zinnie
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Thanks all.

SFB - I will continue to reply to the thread you and I have going.

February 24, 2004
4:18 pm
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acj
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I'm praying for you Zinnie!!!

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

acj

February 24, 2004
5:18 pm
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LCV
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Zinnie,
It breaks my heart to hear you say that....you are in my thoughts and prayers....
Thank you for all of your time, your support and the care you put into us...Please take care and be well..very very soon.....

LCV

February 24, 2004
6:13 pm
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Kessie
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Z, haven't known you very long but feel close. I am thinking of you, Love Kxx

February 24, 2004
8:45 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Sending lots of hugs, Z. Take care.

February 24, 2004
9:18 pm
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marley
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Z -

I hope you feel better soon. You have given me such good advice, it seems wrong that you should be sick when you are so giving. I will keep you in my prayers.

HUGS.

Marley

February 25, 2004
10:10 am
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toutou
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I'm sorry about that Zinnie,i'm new here but i have read so much of your threads and i feel so close to you.I'm really sad that you won't be around like before.I will think of you in my prayers.

February 25, 2004
1:23 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Zinnie, you are good. I hope you come back very soon. I will miss you terribly while you are gone. Maybe the red LOUD one will lie down with you and rest for awhile? I hope so,, You're in my thoughts and prayers. W.

February 26, 2004
2:15 pm
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Zinnie
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Hello All,

Thank you so much for your well wishes.

Today was the Dr. appointment. Sadly - was not what I wanted to hear. I will be continuing chemo for another month. BUT, they are going to reduce the dosage, but increase the amount of time. They are hoping that by doing that, that I will not feel as sick as I have been. In the meantime, I still have the infection and I am taking large doses of antibiotics in the hopes of getting better.

Ms. Want - you are too funny in your delusional thinking that the little red LOUD dog would actually let me lay down! I mean he let's me lay down all right - but, only because that means that he will have time to plaaaaaaaaaaay and have fun, throwing his toys at my head!

Right now, I'm at odds of whether or not to continue working. I want to work - to have things to do because the more "normal" things that I have to do, the better I feel. But, there are times when I honestly cannot make it in, and that is not fair to my employer, so I have some decisions to make on that note.

My family - as ever are being wonderful. My husband waits on me hand and foot; and the sweet man got up last night with the latest round of pain - got my pain meds and rubbed my back until I fell asleep. Today he told me to just take it easy, and call him immediately if I need anything. My son and daughter-in-law sent me a huge vase of tulips today - my favorite. My daughter is getting better still each day, and she called today to check on me. For the first time in a long time, I did not have to remind her about what she was talking about. This is the result of some of the brain bruising finally beginning to recede. My son in college sent me a sweet e-mail, the youngest daughter, staying right now with my son-in-law and grand-daughter, they all sent me a card. My co-mom called me as well - but, I'm a little jealous as she is out there right now with the babies... I can't wait to see them.

But, here I am - as you can see I'm not posting as much, but there are still folks that I care about here greatly - so, I'm still around.

Thank you so much for your kind wishes - I hope you are all well.

Love to all,

Zinnie

February 26, 2004
5:29 pm
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Zinnie, so sorry to hear your news.

Even though we have only chatted a few times recently, I feel I could call you a close friend.

Hugs and prayers to you my friend.

Love,
ladyace

February 26, 2004
5:35 pm
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tooscared
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Zinnie, I am sorry that your news wasn't better. I just wish I could magically make everything better for you. Cancer is such a frustrating disease to deal with.

Just know that people are praying for you and praying that you will feel better and be able to enjoy your new grandbabies and just life.

Love, TS

February 26, 2004
7:24 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Just stopping by to wish you well, Z. Hugs and prayers!

February 26, 2004
9:05 pm
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Zinnie
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Thanks all - sadly, I'm feeling it more mentally than physically right now. I'm not sure why thought.

Thanks friends.

Z.

February 28, 2004
11:03 pm
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Zinnie
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Thank you again friends -

I'm going to go take some Bayer PM and get some sleep. I'm hoping I will feel back into the swing of things next week. I just want to make it through this other funeral tomorrow.

This will be a turning point for me. My chemo is being increased, and my work load is as well - so, I will have to make some decisions regarding what I really want to do.

Do, I want to continue treatment? Do I want to keep working?

Am I really ready to accept the fact that when our time really happens - no one really cares? It becomes just another function to get through.

That was the way some of the family acted today. So, I guess it leads me to wonder - "when I'm gone, will anyone notice?" Although we are all only human, and accountable for our own selves - being human gives us vanity and the desire to be noticed.

February 29, 2004
1:11 pm
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Zinnie
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Preparing to go to the next service.

Praying for strength to make it through it.

March 2, 2004
2:37 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Hi Z,
Your strength is such an inspiration to all of us. I put on my thread something D. Trump said which helps me keep going. "Never, ever give up." "Keep chugging along." I thought of you, Z. Take care and lots of hugs!

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