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Good or bad distraction?
May 5, 2000
11:55 pm
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ions
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I have been trying to get over my ex for what seems like forever, and mostly unsuccessfully. I have 1 thing that helps me 'forget', an infatuation with a girl. She is a wonderful girl i met about a year and a half ago. She seems perfect. She has been involved with some guy for a while and i have not intention of influencing anybodies relationship, so i will admire silently. But my question is: Is my admiration bad? This is the only girl I find attractive other then my ex, even though she is unattainable. Should I not think about girls at all until I can clear my head of my ex? Should I not devote so much thought to a girl that I can not have? I do like her VERY VERY much......help?!

May 6, 2000
12:47 pm
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vositor
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You're troubled because you believe you're overdoing it with the fantasizing? Are you asking what to do instead?

May 6, 2000
3:47 pm
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TRosciano
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I think you should just worry about yourself right now. You are free to what ever when ever you want, doesn't it feel good! Stop worrying about this girl! She is currently with someone so like you said she is unattainable at the time. Look elsewhere, not everyone can be like her or your ex. Give others a chance and don't expect them to be like either one of these girls. Everyone is different and that's what makes life interesting. Your fantasies about this girl...is just that a fantasy but don't dwell on it. Everyone has fantasies and that is why they are called fantsies and it's best left at that. If you stop looking for a mate and focus on yourself and are happy with yourself this will shine on the outside then the person you are seeking will come along when you least exppect it. Have fun and move forward, you have a whole life ahead of you and you don't want to sit around wondering what could have been or what might have been. If it was ever met to be it will be but let nature take it's course. Enjoy life, know that you are what's most important, realize that nobody else can make you happy but YOU and I wish you the best of Luck!

May 6, 2000
5:55 pm
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ions
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Vositor, It was more a question if the fantasy is healthy. I induldge myself with them when I start to think of my ex a bit too much.
What makes this a little more difficult is that I do think there is an attraction between me and my fantasy girl.....if things were different with her bf status.....

May 6, 2000
11:17 pm
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janes
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Ions

I think fantasy can be healthy as long as it doesn't lead into an obsession. You have to judge that.

give your self time.

Nothing wrong with enjoying a good looking lady as long as you keep it at that.

May 7, 2000
2:28 am
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Ions,

I agree with janes.

If it's not harming your ability to socialize, and it's helping you recover from a broken heart or mourn through the loss of relationship, it sounds good to me!

Do you know what a "rebound" relationship is? Until you work your ex into the realm of a happy memory (or just a memory) you're really not capable of giving an emotional commitment to anyone else, and it's great that you're not trying to involve anyone else at the moment.

That's my opinion, anyway, without knowing all the nitty gritty details. Good luck.

May 7, 2000
5:39 pm
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ions..Maybe try asking yourself these three things and see what you come up with.......Motive...intention....desire. What's my motive in the way I'm feeling? What's my honest intentions? What is my heart desiring?

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