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Good morning another day in frustrated land
January 21, 2005
11:22 am
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ILSILS
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hello everyone and good morning,
god i had one lovely night,
found out that the reson the husband hasnt called in two days is that he is over staying with the single guy friend
he used to do this disaperaing act when we lived togeather, and would spend all weekend with this buddy and go on drug benges and leave me home to take care of our two year old. he saisd he really wants us to be togeathe rbut he dosnt seem to be making any changes, the other day he went and bought pot even though he knows im struggling for money, grrr im so frustrated

January 21, 2005
11:31 am
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Refuse2GiveUp
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ILSILS, stay strong, remember why you moved away from him in the first place. Try your best to stick with those decisions you made, the things you NEED him to change in order for you both to live together.

I'm really sorry that you are struggling right now, especially with your daughter and financial struggles. It must be frustrating how he says he wants to be back together but then doesn't seem to be making any changes or challenging himself to see what he has been doing.

January 21, 2005
11:37 am
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ILSILS
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very frustrating. im afraid he's gonna call sometime today because he knows my parents have started watching our daughter for me on fridays, and i know he is going to probably want me to come over, but i dont want to seem like im just witing for him to make plans with me, but i really dont have much else to do, my two friends are both buisy tonight.
how can i sound like i havent been sitting here like a little puppy.

January 21, 2005
11:45 am
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Do you want to see him tonight?

If yes, then when he invites you, just tell him that you'll be over after you finish doing "so and so," and then leave a little bit later than you said you would, you know, so you don't sound like you're just dropping your life to go spend itme with him.

And if you don't think you will have a good time, or if you think it will just be worse to see him, and you're only going because you feel sad to not see him, then I suggest trying to stay away from him for tonight. There are so many things you can think of to do by yourself. Go to a coffee house, read a book, drive around town and just see what you can get yourself into. I'm sure of it that you can think of something that will be enjoyable to do tongiht.

I definetly suggest going out of the house though. If your parents are watching your daughter and offering you a night off, I totally think you should make the best of it! 🙂

Thinking of you, ILSILS.

Refuse2GiveUp

January 21, 2005
11:51 am
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ILSILS
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hmmmmm cofee house sounds good, cant decide for sure if i want to see him though. i know how...if he calles before 2:00 ill go see him, if he waits till after that then he wasnt too anxious and ill say no, what do you think?

January 21, 2005
12:00 pm
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ILSILS
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just means that if he calles at 5.00 when im leaving work i have to be strong enough to say no, its probably the right thing to do, i dont want to give the impression that he can call at the last minute and expect me to drop everything for him

January 21, 2005
12:17 pm
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I had a post, but I somehow deleted it. What I wrote is that Yeah, you do have your own life, and even though your parents are giving you a night to yourself, he can't expect that that just automatically means you are going to spend it with him.

But it's totally your decision. Maybe if you saw him you could have a chance to talk to him alone, maybe try to have a conversation about the situation?

Do what feels best. Sounds good that you are thinking it out beforehand so you will know what to say when he calls.

Refuse2GiveUp

January 21, 2005
12:25 pm
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ILSILS
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im trying, its getting harder and harder every minute that goes by and every phone call here at work and i think it may be him and it isnt. man what if he doesnt call me atall, man ill be so mad, he knows i cant call him his cell phone doesnt work all the way in the country at his friends house, and he has to borrow his budddys phone to call me, i want to know how he can just leave and not tell me he was going out there and then not even call for two days, does he think he is playing with my head, well if so its working.

January 21, 2005
3:21 pm
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ILSILS-

I hate that, when people play games and try to get to you in that way. I just want to scream "Stay out of my head!" But remember, we do have some control over how we react. We might be feeling so angry and mad and everything, but just think of it in the best light. For instance, say he doesn't call tonight. Maybe he's thinking it's goig to make you mad or whatever. Well, if he doen'st call, you get a night to yourself, worry free of his problems, all the stress of it. You cna do whatever you feel like it, without being dragged down through all his garbage.

I guess my point is to try to look at the situation from a different angle, in order to gain perspective.

Don't get me wrong; I am too familiar with those games, and I know they have the same effect on me, that agony over when he's going to call, what he's thinking, all of it. So I'm not saying it's easy, but I know it's worth it to try to take control of the situation in any way you can.

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