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Gone again....
March 22, 2004
3:46 pm
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Freya
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Well I got home from work today and he had left again. Gone to work with the contractor. After spending the weekend with him, I feel as though I wasted my time. I was bored to be honest. However, when I got home, I scoured the house hoping maybe he had left a note or some sign that he gave a shit that he was leaving again. Nothing but a bunch of clothes strewn about the house. I was disappointed and a little hurt. I don't know when he will be back or when I will hear from him again. One thing is for sure, I gotta make a move of some kind. There has to be a better life awaiting me.

March 22, 2004
4:51 pm
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gingerleigh
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There is a better life out there for you... countless better lives. All you need to do is envision the one you want and go after it. All we have really is this moment. The past is irrelevant and the future is made from what we do right now.

March 22, 2004
5:15 pm
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Freya
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That is amazing advice. Mustering up the courage to take that first step is the hard part. The mental wheels are in motion but I have been through this too many times to want to anticipate the emptiness and pain of healing again. Today is not a great day. Keeping my chin up-sort of. Freya.

March 22, 2004
5:52 pm
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Molly
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I think Melody Beaty wrote the book, Feel the Fear and do it any way. Even if you don't read the book the title is enough. The mental wheels in motion is a good start, don't really know what your circumstances are, but it took me along time to take that leap of faith. Hell what a leap. It felt more like splat when I landed, but after detoxing, the emptiness, today is great. We have to remember that if we don't have faith in our selves, who else will, if we don't care for our selves who else will, if we don't take the steps to create the life we want, why the heck should any one else? I learned the hard way that I had to take responsibility for the relationships that I created, the way people treated me, they all knew what I would tolorate, and that level of toloration grew longer and longer with all involved down to my dog. I took the leap almost 15 months ago, and that level of toloration, I thought I had cut short. It was almost a year ago when my dog got hit by a car, that I got it. Lessons happen in the strangest of forms. I learned that if I didn't become alpha dog immediately, he would get killed, and I had a responsibility to make my self heard, and obeyed. It is slightly more difficult with the humans in our life, but none the less I find it the same. Perhaps this will help you find a connection to strength. Its your life, your dream........

March 22, 2004
6:02 pm
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gingerleigh
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Molly I'm trying to be that alpha dog in my own life. It's hard sometimes, but so worth it. Thanks for continuing to inspire...

March 22, 2004
6:11 pm
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Molly
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Honey your half my age, cut your self some slack........ you personally know that my baptism has been through the fires of hell. I guess that my greatest and worst assett is that I keep trying to get it. I take my lessons, and go oh, well. Sure I pine once and a while, but getting alot better at the oh, well. Like this weekend, I totally went on auto pilot... got caught up in the drama, the fear, the anxiety, and it lasted only 36 hours, perhaps a new record for me, then I let it go. Realizing that I only had so much controll over the situation, and only had controll over how I handled it. Peace came over me. It has taken me practice. But damn its better than the alternative. We can talk when every your little heart desires, and I can inspire or BS you when ever....xxoo

March 22, 2004
7:08 pm
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Freya
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Hi there Gingerleigh, my story is similar to others on this board. If you scroll down a bit, you will see my first post under "new to the board". I just discovered this place yesterday and already it has churned up some of the things I had forgotten in therapy. I love the supportive aspect of this place. Most of my friends are pretty tired of talking about it with me, it has been going on for awhile I must admit. None of them have had therapy and are- for the most part- pretty aloof. I am finding some solace here. Thanks again. Freya.

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