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Going boy-crazy, one after another, but no relationships. What is wrong with me?
July 10, 2009
7:35 pm
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angelle1
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I am now almost 2 months sober, I don't know if anyone here is an addict or alcoholic AND co-dependant, but I am! I think it has alot to do with the fact that I am lonely and away from home and everything that is familiar, and my emotions are everywhere. I seem to be developing crushes on just about any guy who shows interest in me, and even some that don't! Lol. First a guy friend of mine that I eventually figured out is more like a protective older brother to me, one that I see almost everyday. We'll call him bob, and I almost died when he went back to NY. When I hugged him goodbye, I actually had trouble letting go.

Guy number 2, we'll say his name is joe, I think I normally wouldn't like but has showed alot of interest in me so I find myself gravitating towards him, and got into a situation where we were alone watching a movie and started cuddling or whatever, then people started talking and we havnt been spending as much time together, and never doing more than talking a little because we are always around these other people when we see each other and it's kind of akward now.

Then there is one guy, um let's say, fred, I have known for years but not talked to in forever but got back in touch with through email and then phone after moving to california about 6-7 weeks ago, this case I think is much different than the others because we know each other and he has been a good supportive friend to me lately, helped me alot, and is about the only person I have kept in touch with on a regular basis since being out here. He is sweet and funny and easy to talk to, and I think I had feelings for him before but was then dating his friend so of course never acted on them. I almost want to go back home just to be with him, but I know that is a bad idea. The situation with him is alot different than with the others, because I think my thoughts and feelings regarding him are legitimate, rather than resulting from my illnesses lol.

Then another guy I have been talking to on facebook I was friends with in high school who has had a crush on me apparently for years, but I don't really like him that way, he's just someone to talk to.

And last but most f-ed up, OK there is this kid that used to live next door to me, I was friends with his sister. Looking at HER facebook I saw pics of him and their little sister and thought "wow look how much they have grown! what cuties" and sent them both facebook messages to see how they were doing. Started talking to the boy and told him he was so cute and grown up and asked how old he was, I thought he was about 18 probably, and he wrote me back then we started chatting and I was not aware he had taken my comments to heart, and thought I was younger, and had had a crush on me back in the day. So we were talking and eventually he told me those things and I was really enjoying talking to him (he is such a sweetheart!)and started to wish he was a bit closer to my age. so he was flirting with me and I was sort of flirting back and he started saying things like how he had always liked me and asked if I had liked him back then, and I said "No you were only like, 6!" and then he asked if we could meet up and hang out when I got back home, so I said yeah we can hang out, but just as friends, but after awhile we started talking like we were going 2 like go out or something, then I found out he is actually 16 not 18 or 19, which would have been akward enough because I am 23, lol, and now I really like him but would NEVER get involved with a 16 year old lol. anyway, how screwed up is that? I mostly need advice about the guy I have dubbed "fred" but also, what the heck is wrong with me? I am much more inclined to talk to guys than girls these days, and start liking alot of them fairly quickly. it's so confusing

July 11, 2009
1:43 am
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fantas
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Angelle1,

Welcome to the site and congratulations on your two months of sobriety. Great work!!

From what I understand, the AA recovery program encourages people to not get into any kind of a relationship for up to a year for their recovery. IMO the reason being that the addictions come in may cunning forms and easily cause us to continue to ignore the big issues that led to the addiction in the first place. As long as you are busy dealing with these men/boy, you aren't working on yourself.

Having said that, I do think that this would be a great topic to bring up in your meetings. I mean the topic of replacing one addiction with the other. I would encourage you to talk to your sponsor, if you have one, about these things you are dealing with. What you are experiencing isn't unusual. There is a reason why the pot of that horrible coffee in the AA meetings is always empty. It's the lesser of the two evils. There are many long time sober people whose are still in their addiction mode, like the so called dry drunks.

If you have to find a replacement activity for your addiction, make one that would hurt you. Take your connection to this minor boy as a huge warning sign for you to really reign in your addictive tendency. Next time, you might find yourself in jail with statutory rape charges. Start working on dealing with that which is agitated within you before you bring someone else into it.

Keep posting and reading. You aren't alone and here is to another 24hrs!!!

July 12, 2009
5:41 am
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angelle1
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Thank you fantas! I totally hear what you're saying about replacing one addiction with another. That makes perfect sense! I do need to find something more healthy to be "addicted to" lol. I have been spending alot of time hangin' out with my girlfriends lately, the ones in recovery with me. We have alot of fun! I love spending time with them and it's much better for me than hanging out with guys, lol. But there are still times where I find myself thinking "Oh this would be even better if (insert name of almost any guy here) was with us" then I catch myself and realize we couldn't do or talk about half of the things we do with a guy around. God bless!

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