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going back to ex?
January 3, 2005
2:47 pm
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ILSILS
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September 27, 2010
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whats anyones feeligs on going back to hubby that sais he's allwayse gonna change and i know he has the good intintions too but never follows through, im really stuck here. i dont know what to do or how to know or convince myself that he's not gonna change unless i set him free, let him see that its not me inforcing the laws of gravity, that its the world, i miss my husband, im scared, help?

January 3, 2005
4:08 pm
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lostforever
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I'm in a simular situaton. I've been married for 12 years and have left my husband um let me see i lost count. I left 6 months ago when he became abusive again and started drinking heavly. after i was gone for about a month i started to here the same things. " I will change" Ilove you bla bla bla.
i didnt go back this time but i did let him back into my heart and mind. I fell hard this time because we talked all the time about how much better its going to be this time. He was the sweetest man i know(at the time) Giving gifts(which he hadent done in 11 years) Putting me up on that pedastil. Sex was even the best we ever had.
Then slowly over the next few months it started to die down. I wouldnt hear from him for days and when i did he would only come over late at night to sleep with me and leave.
I finally got into his cell phone while he was sleeping and found womens phone numbers and text messages saying"cant wait to go to vegas with you baby" "WE can join the mile high club" ect.... I called this women and asked if she knew he was married she said yes but seperated and were just friends. Well to make along storey short I became obssed at trying to win him back. I lost my mind. I was still sleeping with him knowing all this. I became deaply depressed lost 25lbs in a week and a half. Wouldnt leave my home blablabla.
I finally woke up and snapped out of it about a week ago.
I dont deserve this any longer. My children dont deserve this. He had the balls to bring her to my house yesterday to pick his kids up. I refused to let them go another storey.

any hoo. i guess you need to decide when you have had enough of whatever is going on. Dont beat yourself up about it. You'll know when to say when. Think about how good and how bad it is and decide what you want more. The good or the bad.
Its not easy as you can see, i still struggle with wanting to talk to him hold him ect... I have to stay strong and realize this man is who he is and if he makes no effort to be a better person i cant make him. I can only try and make me a better person for me and my children.

sorry so long i got a little cared away.
take care of yourself and take time to decide what will make you happy. Only you can make you happy not another person.

January 3, 2005
4:25 pm
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brownie
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hello ilsils.

I can absolutely agree with lostforever.You can't change them.I was with my husband for 22 years and he used to be a drug/addict and alcoholic.I thought he was a nice person,boy was i wrong.I was so blinded.I was already looking for a good man because of other issues and wind up dealing with a guy that had severe issues.I mean my issues were bad,but this guy to this day is carrying a huge luggage of past issues.

He is angry and bitter.But at the wrong people,which is me and my kids.He takes out his attitude out on my teen daughter whenever he is mad about something.We been in conflicts for years.He is sober now.Been sober for 14 years,but still have alot of bitterness in him.So this year i am filing for a divorce.I tried to get one last summer,but it was not the time.Since we had a big fight on christmas Day,i felt very overwhelmed.I suffers depression,so whenever i am upset or excited about something,my anxieties act up.And that day told me it was time now to leave him.You see i listens to my body signals and its not worth me getting more sick and not being able to be here for my kids,plus he wants nothing to do with us.So its time to move on.I'm kinda used to being by myself now.We been separated for a year in a half now.

So ilsils,when its time to leave him you will know.And i know it can be scary,but you have to put yourself and your kids happiness first.My kids are fed up with their dad.So in time your kids will be too.

January 3, 2005
4:26 pm
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CAMER
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nothing changes, if nothing changes...he can promise you the world over and over again, and if years go by and nothing changes, why would this time be different??

I have been in relationship where the men always say they are going to change, and i really truely beleive them...and it never happens...don't get into the game of going back and things look good for a few months, etc..then usually it goes back to the same ol' crap.

You have been with your hubby b4, what changes will he make that will make this time different???

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