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Giving him "space"??
August 2, 2005
8:01 pm
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D dog
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Well, I stuck to my vow and didn't email H. today...he sent me one towards the end of the day (one more hour to go at the office, yay!) asking how my day was, saying he didn't sleep well and was "stressed" and was going to do laundry tonight.

I replied that I was off to happy hour at six, have a nice night.

Normally I would have said who I was going with and where, and probably invited him. I almost feel guilty for not rushing home and waiting for him to call, which is what I usually do...I don't even feel like going out, really, but I feel that I need to take steps to have my own life...

Is this cool, or am I just playing games with him??

August 2, 2005
8:05 pm
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exoticflower
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d, I think that since you said that you feel guilty for not going home to wait for his call and want to have your own life to move outside of feeling that way, you are really doing this for you and not to control him or make him act out to re-claim your attention. If it works out that way, great, but if not, that doesn't seem to be your focus anyway. Sometimes you do have to force yourself to have fun on your own just to remember you can actually do it, yippie for taking that initiative and wanting to have a good time for YOU!

August 2, 2005
8:14 pm
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D dog
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Yeah, I guess it's do-or-die time. I don't really have anything to lose at this point, anyway - except more of myself.

August 2, 2005
8:18 pm
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Anonymous
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D dog, my bf always tried to sneak in the back door (e-mail instead of face to face) to test the waters, and he always mentions (when we've had a disagreement) that he is really stressed and hasn't slept well. So, your post kind of struck a chord with me. I'm proud of your response to him. Leave him wondering. And you NEED to have your own life, even if you don't feel like it just yet. Stay strong, and don't give way to those "feelings". You deserve so much better than what he's dishing out!

August 2, 2005
8:22 pm
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donna25
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D' Dog...what your story? Is it in another post?

August 2, 2005
8:24 pm
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D dog
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Yeah, it's in the thread: "SD and all...D dog is back and messed up." I think some of the earlier posts have been deleted already, but you'll probably get the picture from what's there...

August 2, 2005
8:40 pm
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Rasputin
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D Dog, I think that you are heading in the right direction. Ya, play it cool. Have fun independent of him. Having a kitten and melody's book is the best company to me. I would favor it over unhealthy/inappropriate activities.
You go girl!!! ~Love, RAS~

August 2, 2005
9:09 pm
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donna25
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Wow I sometimes feel silly on here when I read the problems of others... maybe I just need to get a grip...I just miss him so much and maybe I live in a fantisy world...I'm trying to give him space too but it is in hopes that he realizes he will never meet another girl like me thats as easy to talk with and spend hours on the phone with like me....cause he wont

August 2, 2005
10:08 pm
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sdesigns
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Good going, Ddog. Go out and have fun. So what if he's stressed- not your problem. Keep it up. SD

August 2, 2005
11:08 pm
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D dog
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Home now, it's 8pm. Wish I could have stayed out longer! But, the person I was with (my ex!) has a cold and wanted to go home.

What I REALLY want to do is park my car on the other side of the complex so he it will not be in my space when H. leaves for work...ha ha ha!

Immature? Going too far? Yeah, I know.

Not calling him, though.

I am in the anger stage...no more depression. I just want to f**king scream!!!

August 2, 2005
11:17 pm
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D dog
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Well, well - missed call on my cell phone from H. at 7:50 p.m.

Excuse me, but I have to vent:

AAAAAAARGH!!!!! F-ing C**T!!!!!!!

Ah, better.

August 3, 2005
8:57 am
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SexySadie
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Oh good grief...the things I have done this past month. EX is completely convinced that I have been a psycho the entire time he has been gone. He's even asked me friends if I've been acting psychotic. Oh initially I was in total despair, but psychotic, no? Thank God!!

When we have talked, he's quit inquistive. I've been keeping myself extremly busy with my daughter and friends. He phoned one night last week to ask me to bring his Doors CD up to the bar. I said well I'm not home right now...OH WHERE ARE YOU? Out at dinner...."Well I figured you'd JUST be at home." I very nicely said, if you really need me to stop by the house and pick it up, I can...otherwise, let me get back to dinner and I'll see you when I get there. Darn, he didn't catch me in a total minute of despair in tears...no begging or pleading.

I do NC of a different type and when he can't get a hold of me, he will call and call AND call. My Therapist said it's okay for me to return his calls the next day or two. This way, I've killed my curiousity and by then whatever it is he wanted has probably cooled down, plus it shows him the door IS open to communication, however I am NOT sitting here moping around waiting on his call. This seems to be working just fine. He even makes the comment now that I never return his calls. Well he's not my priority right now..Right now he has no reason to be calling me as he and OW are out of town for a week. Let me tell you day 4 and it has been so peaceful.

August 3, 2005
11:10 am
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D dog
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Hey SS -

That sounds like a good approach...

I woke up at midnght last night to my phone ringing, it was H...didn't answer, but then got up (the power was out at that point, we had a big storm here last night), lit several candles and checked my messages...he had called 5 times while I was asleep! His messages went from calm to, "Maybe you're doing this to get back at me!"

Well, that indicates to me that he knows he did something wrong last weekend. I feel a bit better.

So I called him back, he was like, "Where have you been?", and I said, "Dude, I just got up!" and he was like, "Got up from WHERE???" and I said, "Home! I was sleeping!", and he goes, "I've been trying to call you, I was worried about you!!" and I said, "Oh. I went to bed when I got home, phone was in the other room, didn't check my messages." He was like, "So you've been home this whole time??", and I said "Yeah." Guess he was shocked that I didn't call him and run over there as soon as I got in...

Then he bursts out, "Who did you go to happy hour with???" So I said, "T, (my ex) his birthday was yesterday but he had plans so we went out tonight."

So H calms down, and then wants to come over to get his battery-operated fan (his apartment is on the 2nd floor and gets hot when the power is out). I'm like, "Sure", so he comes over and gives me a HUGE hug, also asks me if I want to stay at his place...I politely declined.

I'm thinking, hmmm...what happened to his sudden need for "space"?? Does he only need space when his ex-wife HOLDS UP A HOOP FOR HIM TO JUMP THROUGH??? (Yeah, I'm saving that one to throw at him at an opportune moment).

Anyway, going out was really good for me...my ex was asking me last night what some of my goals were, and besides not being a drunk and a drug addict (LOL!), my main goal is to have a fuller social life. I've always been a "homebody", and preferred to snuggle with a guy rather than go out, but that's gotta change for now...I can't let my sense of self-worth depend on someone else's behavior. I've read that in many books, and seen that here on the site, but to put the plan in action is a whole different thing.

Wednesday morning, watching a high-speed chase on the local news (never a dull moment here in Phoenix!!), gotta get ready for work and not-emailing-H again today.

Will talk to you guys later - have a great day, everyone!!

D.

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