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girl's obsession with wanting to "fix" direction-less boyfriend
January 27, 2005
9:03 pm
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yeti
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This post is to do with a friend of mine who explained that she is annoyed with her boyfriend for having no direction in life, and at every stage of the conversation she seemed to be intent on the possibility that she could "fix" his problems, or help him. It seemed to me that the only reason they are together is because she feels responsible for fixing him.

Is this a normal, healthy sort of thinking? it certainly doesn't appear to be so.

January 27, 2005
9:12 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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Have you ever seen Pygmalion or My Fair Lady? Could you be finding a problem that needs to be "fixed" with your friend? Could I be finding a problem that needs to be "fixed" in you? Could you have found someone in me who you should "fix"?

It's a never ending cycle Prof. Higgins.

January 28, 2005
12:54 am
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j.a.
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good gracious!!!! you could sound as my freind, buy obviously your not...
i think im pretty much like your freind... im with (or was with till i discoverd he was going out with someone else...) a useless ans routeless guy .... he is 28 and dosent work or have a career...he likes off his mother (which dosent do very well at all).... i always felt that i could make him realize his mistakes or change, or maybe i could change myself so as to make the situation better.... now im alone and viewing the relationship with a tiny bit of perspective... i notice that trying to change someone or oneself because of a relationship is just too exhausting and normally dont have long term results or any good results at all. I dont think this way is healthy... im personally reading a lot about it and seiing a counselor.... there is a minute in life qhich hopefuly comes sooner than later in which you just stop thnking you can make things right, specially in a relationship that takes 2!!!!!! one cannot make things ok when they dont depend on just one of us and i think that it is very important toplace our dreams and desires on the relationship on one level, and put on another the real posibilities of working healthily with your partner ... 50-50-....
give up to being a semi god tat can change a monster that cant even take charge of his life. focus on youself and spend your energy on more creative stuff instead of draining it on a guy which is a waste!
cheers and good luck!

January 28, 2005
9:50 pm
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yeti
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QUOTE: one cannot make things ok when they dont depend on just one of us

QUOTE: give up to being a semi god tat can change a monster that cant even take charge of his life

Hmmm...very thought provoking...Thanks!

January 28, 2005
9:55 pm
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on my way
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This sounds like my son 23, and his relaltionship with his girlfriend!! He was not directionless, he just did not fit into "her" mld of what a "successful" person was. She tried to fix him, and to him it came across like she had no confidence in him...it was like her saying _____ you are stupid! He didn't like it. He left for about a year. They are now friends, but they do not date any longer.

January 28, 2005
10:30 pm
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addicts wife
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well,
as a teenager ,I found myself attracted to people like my abusive multi addicted father. ( I phase I got out of quickly) but in my adloscent head, I thought my support, and kindness and compassin could help them. I wanted to fix what was broken in my life, and was attracted to what resembled what was "broken" in my life so I could "fix" it.
The only person I could fix, of course was/IS myself. There is a BIG FAT difference between being supportive, helpful and compassionate, but a FINE LINE to being unhealthy, and a glutton for punishment, in being attracted to toxic people. Many of these "boyfriends may have looked different, but they were all the same(type) in differnet "uniforms." a cycle WELL worth breaking. Some people keep going for the same type of people, and It can be very sad.depressing, heartbreaking,and exhausting. Heck, I married a better version, but yet, i still managed to find the same type of person.

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