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gg, I MISS YOU....where are you?
March 4, 2007
9:25 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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How are you doin sunshine? I miss you a LOT. I miss posting to you. I miss how much we used to chat....

(((gg))) figured you could use a hug, and I KNOW that I needed one...and not a doubt that I could count on you for one...

LOVE YOU....

March 4, 2007
10:30 pm
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ggfred4
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(((Michy))) I could always use a hug, so thank you. I miss you too, but I follow many threads you post on. Your growth has been phenomenal! Remember, you will still have the down days, but you know now they do pass...

I will never forget the bond of the sisterhood and how it changed my view on people. I was told by a friend that no one really cares, and I had really begun to believe last year until I discovered the aac. Thanks for always caring and loving me; you will always have a special place in my heart...Here's to the afghan of love!!!. Love, gg

March 4, 2007
10:40 pm
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needtoheal
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I say here's to the afghan of love as well GG and Mich.....

Girls-- boys came up with another mighty creation.. You both already know that your older nephew has a learning disability in written expression... (along with his ADD)... Well, now along with your other nephew, they have created a family newspaper!! They are both co-editors.. They post it every day.. The cost is $.25 an issue. However, every other weekend, it is FREE!!
They are coming up with all different sections.. Sports, Classifieds (for all used toys that have been in a box in the basement that they have not departed with)... I am just so proud of them both.

I miss you both very much.. However, I never have the feeling of emptiness or even lonliness because I have you both (along with others here at ACC) in my thoughts and heart every day..

Life is too short. I want to enjoy the moment of life.. That is why I share these stories about the kids..

love to you both...

NEED

March 4, 2007
10:48 pm
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Isis
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Hi gg, how you doing tonight? I hope all is well with you.

Need, your boys are the cutest, and you're an amazing mom. My middle boy has a learning disability in written and expressive language as well as ADD, too. The newspaper is a great idea, they're so creative.

Mich I just posted to you on your thread- here's a hug for you...
(((Mich)))

Isis

March 4, 2007
11:42 pm
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ggfred4
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Need, I love hearing how creative your boys are; it is absolutely wonderful...I miss you a lot too need...thanks for posting...love you gf

Isis, I am doing well tonight, had a nice dinner with one of my girls and we had a long talk. She is 21 going to college, dating, working, and I felt her slipping away from me. So we had dinner tonight and caught up and it made me so happy. I am planning on doing the same with my other two daughters within the next few weeks. I never bonded with my mom, and I want to at least try...Hope you are doing okay Isis....thanks,,,gg

March 5, 2007
12:35 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg,

The afghan has truly changed my life. It made me believe in me, and it made me believe in others. I found hope, love, comfort, and most of all I found safety. I miss that some days...some more than others...but most of all, I try to take what came out of it, and use it for the best.

Need,

My nephews are the cutest little things. I just wanted to tell you that. What you say about them, warms my heart. I love and miss you a lot. I am keeping you in my heart and thoughts as well.

Isis,

I got your hug over there, and I appreciate it. (((Isis))) I just want you to know that I care about you, and I am holding you close.

Holding ALL of you girls close.

Love to you all goodnight.

(((Isis, Need, gg)))

Love,

Mich

March 5, 2007
4:31 am
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Hi 'afghan sisters' and assorted relatives :o)

I'm so happy to see the warmth and support continuing on a thread like this. Glad you are all moving ahead and doing so well.

hugs and good wishes,
kousin k

March 5, 2007
7:57 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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kroika,

Oh how sweet to see you stop by. It has been a while. Lord knows the "sisterhood" as we once knew it will NEVER be the same, but it will ALWAYS be in our hearts. And it will always be a place of peace and refuge from our pasts I think.

Things are going ok.

How are things going in your neck of the woods? It has been quite a while since I have heard from you. Have posted to sweet (((sleepless))) but not much to you. It is good to hear from you. I have been around...spending much time on my thread that I started last friday...it had been a while since I had started a serious thread. But, hey...it has been great...and the responses have truly helped me much.

I truly hope that all is going well for you. It was nice to see you pop in and say hi. As always, your continued love and support leaves me feeling a warm fuzzy feeling. You are so sweet. A true inspiration.

Mich

(((kousin kumquat kroika)))

....and oh the memories that go back to that....a TRUE life changing experience for me...

As always, thanks for being you.

March 5, 2007
8:09 am
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ggfred4
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(((need))),(((Isis))),(((michy))),(((kousin kroika)))....this thread is tugging my heart big time...Thank you...love all of you.......gg

March 5, 2007
11:45 am
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hey Mich,

I don't think I have seen your thread; will have to try to find it. But what I *did* see was a basket full of kumquats at the "fancy grocery store" I sometimes visit. Yes, I picked one up and smiled at the memory :o)

That's so nice to hear that my presence gives you warm fuzzy feelings -- thank you for letting me know that. You are quite inspiring yourself, my dear. You've come far.

And gg, thanks for the hug :o) Your progress is good to see also. This AAC really is an amazing place.

Love to all, and wishes for a great week
hugs, kousin k the kumquat :o)

March 5, 2007
3:01 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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kroika....it is the Having a sad moment...or something like that...

gg,

I think that I truly understand where you wrote about this pulling at your heart. It makes perfect sense to me. It is a loss, but I try to think of what we have all gained. I know for me...it has been a VERY beneficial thing, and I would not trade it for the world. The dynamics of our relationships have changed much through the course of the last four months...but the truth is...the love is still there...along with the support. We just might have to look a little harder to find each other here. That is all. I am thinking of you and holding you close. And I will NEVER be a moment sorry for the days of the afghan....and where it has led us to today...would you? I don't want to go back to that point in my life. It is neat though to see a lot of us on one thread again though...along with others...."Oh, for fun" The love and support still exists, and for that...we should be blessed. We have all come a long way, and our relationships are still there.

I LOVE YOU SWEET SISTER....and I have missed posting to you a lot.

Love you...

Mich

March 5, 2007
10:15 pm
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needtoheal
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hey everyone... Ok.. Here's the update on the nephews...
Tonight the boys acted out the NEWS..
(J)--the youngest newphew, did the weather...His brother held up a map that they both drew.. He said that it was going to be 5 degrees tomorrow.. Then Matt was moving the map around while J was pointing (WE WERE IN TEARS!!)... this all took place on (J)'s bottom bunk bed...
I was on the floor in the audience. They even hooked up some cable that they ran through the slats of the bunk bed as a microphone...

Matt read the events of today... Sonic --(J)'s bearded dragon laid 23 eggs tonight. We watched the whole process.. We put the eggs in a makeshift incubator that we made. Took a styrofoam cooler filled with water with an aquarium heater. Put the eggs in vermiculite in a rubbermaid container with a lid so that they have temperature and humidity.. They will hatch in 60 days..

The other event presented is that they will be going with their father after school .

I think this is such a good idea of theirs because it summarizes the day and even is a reminder for them about the following day and what is expected.

Enough kid talk...

I just want to say hello and I love you all..

we have all been blessed by the afghan thread.. I do not have any regrets ... 🙂

love ya.... peachy need

March 5, 2007
10:30 pm
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needtoheal
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hi kousin kroika---

I often smile when I think of you and the song that you wrote for me about being PONDSCUM FREE!!!!!!!

which I am!!!!!

it was nice to see your post here along with everyone ...

Isis,
thanks for the comments along with the others about the kids.. they are a joy for me... they take me away with their creativity... i am amused. they get frustrated because I am so busy sometimes but it is not like I am ignoring them.. I need to do other things like laundry (GG knows how long that takes me!!) and other things... I do not want them to feel sorry for me but I work while they are at school.. so I try to spend 15 minutes every night doing things like this with them .. or talk about our feelings of the day.

love,
NEED

March 6, 2007
1:48 am
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ggfred4
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Hey everyone, it is me, gg the insomniac...ugh! I had a long 11 hour day at work because we are hosting a literary rally and should be sound asleep. Well, I was for two hours and now I am up and can't sleep so I thought I would check in. I too have cozy thoughts of the "afghan days". I want to believe that time was a stepping stone to my healing and recovery which are going a tad bit slow for me and I find that irritating. Patience is not a virtue of mine.

Besides school, I am trying to adjust to this new life of mine. My last child graduated from high school last May. I have my son who is hopefully finishing his last year of college away and I have my 3 daughters living at home attending the local university. My house is now a hotel as they are in and out, rushing through here like a tornado and out again. I sometimes wish I could have afforded to send them away to school so I wouldn't know when they come in during the nights sometimes. Oh well, life goes on!

I hope all of you are well....Love, gg

March 6, 2007
7:11 am
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needtoheal
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GG--

I was reading that you are now taking Wellbutrin... How do you feel? As you may remember when things were so bad for me back during the afghan times, I was taking Paxil. I stopped taking it. I could not handle the sleepiness.

I know the feeling that everything seems like a constant tornado.. welcome to my house and life. Even with JC's help around the house, it never seems like I am to NOT have chaos... I try to embrace it but sometimes that is difficult..

love you GG

NEED

March 6, 2007
7:18 am
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ggfred4
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Sweet Need, I just started on the full dosage of Wellbutrin, so I am not sure how I feel; really don't feel much different yet. Sometimes medicines work for me, sometimes they have different effects, and sometimes nothing...will see. I remember when you took the Paxil. Thanks for your care my sister,....Love you, gg

March 6, 2007
8:44 am
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needtoheal
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When did you start taking it? I know that it does take a while to take effect...

love ya

NEED

March 6, 2007
9:05 am
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ggfred4
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I just started the full dosage Sunday; was supposed to start the week before, but guess what? I forgot, who would have wondered? I know it is supposed to take a few weeks, so I am trying to not think about it. Speaking of that, I forgot this a.m. to take it due to some problems at home. Throw in stress and/or change of schedule, it blows me away. I am not very happy with me right now...I just got to work and want to just leave and run away. Sorry, pity party moment. But, if I can't get my feelings out here on an anonymous site, where can I?

I am glad you and JC are taking it a day at a time. You seem to be open and trying, but logical. I am so proud of you. I love you need...thanks for being a sister.....gg

March 6, 2007
9:07 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, I need a hug PLEASE....looking around for them....tough morning...

March 6, 2007
9:18 am
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ggfred4
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Must be a twin thing sis, having a tough one too...how about a group hug? Anyone?

March 6, 2007
9:30 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((gg))) I love you, I am sorry that your day is sounding like mine...I have cried for more than an hour and I look ridiculous...I just wanted to be here with you guys...My comfort, my acceptance, my validation....I am hating me at the moment....I am NOT feeling lovable....ughhh Just needed to be honest...

March 6, 2007
10:01 am
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ggfred4
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I am scared to say I how I feel; not sure I want to get in touch with those feelings...especially at work. Maybe later...thanks michy for the hug....(((michy)))

March 6, 2007
1:05 pm
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ggfred4
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gosh, I am trying to function here at work and am not doing that well. I thought I would try and vent here; please someone listen...

I shouldn't be so upset; my life is not that bad. I am married with four grown kids. So what is my problem today? I am having problems with my husband for sure. No, he doesn't beat me, but he doesn't kiss me or say "I love you". Kiss, what is a kiss? He is getting on my last nerve and has been for awhile. He has turned into this wimpy, whiny, guy who I am losing respect for. He puts the blame on me for just about everything. Honestly, I wish he would come to me today and say, "I need a separation and get my life together", and I would help him pack. I have always said he loves me, but not "in love" with me. He will not seek help for himself and I know he will not seek a marriage counselor. He is satisfied with things and I am NOT! Yet, my 21yr. old daughter just told me this weekend how glad she is that she has parents who are still together...yikes! I just want him to help himself and he is not. I have been trying to stand up for myself and my feelings lately but am met with anger, blame, etc. I am so frustrated!!!! I want to get away.

Next vent: my dad...If you don't know me, I have a very domineering, controlling,military dad who raised us strictly. He has sexually abused me, but I didn't really remember until the last few years some of the details. I still am having memories pop in sporadically. He has no idea I remember as I think he was very sneaky. He now has colon cancer too. Well, my birthday is Friday and my parents want to come and see me and have dinner...yippee...NOT!!! Now, I have to put the mask on again and on my birthday. Can't wait, yea...A coworker wants to take me out for a drink Friday for my birthday, but problems there. I have to share a car with my husband now due to financial reasons and then there are my parents waiting for me. I work 35 miles from home, so my coworker can't bring me home. Gosh, I want that drink and be with a friendly person. It just seems that I never do what I want to do, but always do what I think is the right thing. Gosh, I just want to be selfish and just do something for me. I feel guilty just for typing the last sentence, but I am not going to delete it.

Another thing: (this is selfish) We have spring break next week and my h and my kids are working/school. I am free, but no car, no plans. All I am hearing at work is the wonderful plans and trips they have for next week...yep, feeling sorry for myself here.

That is enough venting for now...thanks for anyone who read and sorry for having you endure my personal pity party today. I tried to write this instead of something else.

gg

March 6, 2007
1:35 pm
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Isis
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gg,

Would you consider establishing some boundaries? Doing what's right for you, and not capitulating to others wants and needs? How about telling your parents that you already have plans for your birthday? That way you could do what gg wants to do- have that drink and chill out with your co-worker.

How did you sleep last night- it sounds like you were up a good part of the night. It's quite possible that you are exhausted and need to get some real sleep. You just increased you Wellbutrin, and one of the side effects of that drug is insomnia. I know from my own personal experience. You've never taken it before so your body has yet to build up a tolerance to the side effect. Over time it gets better, however, you may want to let your doc know and perhaps he could add something at night to help you fall asleep.

March 6, 2007
1:57 pm
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ggfred4
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Isis, I had committed to my parents first before the coworker asked me. Plus, I can't hurt my mother's feelings. Why? Because I can't plus that would piss my dad off. He is very protective of my mother and gets mad if her feelings get hurt. Never liked making him mad, never!

No, I did not sleep well last night. I didn't realize that was one of the side effects,,,ugh...

I wish my parents and husband would ask what I want for my birthday and I could honestly say, to fly away...find some peace...seek comfort...feel safe...feel loved...

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