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Getting rid of the anger
November 13, 2003
5:04 pm
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artist 2
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is it better to tell the person you're mad at how much you hate them, or is it better to write a letter and then burn it?

Kharma-wise that is, how does one express their anger and pain caused by another person's actions?

November 13, 2003
5:22 pm
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artist 2
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Here's something I wrote, but DID NOT send yet:

------------------------

I was reading a post online today and it sounded so familiar I thought of you.

I trusted, loved and cared about you and all you did was take advantage of me. You weakend my mind with
poisonous manipulation. You used my body. You lied to my soul and my heart. You threw me around and slammed a phone in my face. I don't understand how you could
do all that so easily, yet so callously! I wish we had never met. You are a sociopath, like a dirty sponge sucking up and absorbing anything nearby, with no
awareness of anything else but yourself.

I hope one day I can forget the hurt, but for now it's a clear and painful as daylight. Once again
Thanksgiving weekend is approaching. I hope one day
you won't be around to remind me. My you dry up in hell.

November 13, 2003
5:26 pm
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unhappy camper
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artist
In another thread someone wrote: it's just him being him.

It wasn't about you. He would be the same with or without.

Consider that for a moment about the man you wrote that to.

"it's just him being him"

So....do you like him being him?

Does that make it easier to get past him?

November 13, 2003
6:45 pm
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Anam Cara
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artist2

Your unsent letter is the way - I have kept a day diary now for 7 months - reading back over it I am shocked at what I wrote - inclined to dump it all now.

My first thoughts on what you shared was - what is this girl doing - can't she see - she is better off now. Shit is shit and that's a fact!

When the truth is - that I am taking my lost love out to treat her to a slap up meal as a belated birthday present.

She fell out of love or was never really ever in love with me. Therefore she has always had the advantage over me.

What now I feel about your shared thoughts - you loved him - he never did really love you - I know about the hurt in what I am saying here.

I pray each evening for support - three weeks ago I felt something very strange came over me - it was a feeling of total forgiveness for the way she had treated me. This was the beginning of my release.

True forgiveness is powerful - destroyed the injustice I felt towards her - thus I see her now as the women that I spent 15 years of my life with.

But I am no longer beating myself up.

Anam

November 13, 2003
6:46 pm
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Anam Cara
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artist2

Your unsent letter is the way - I have kept a day diary now for 7 months - reading back over it I am shocked at what I wrote - inclined to dump it all now.

My first thoughts on what you shared was - what is this girl doing - can't she see - she is better off now. Shit is shit and that's a fact!

When the truth is - that I am taking my lost love out to treat her to a slap up meal as a belated birthday present.

She fell out of love or was never really ever in love with me. Therefore she has always had the advantage over me.

What now I feel about your shared thoughts - you loved him - he never did really love you - I know about the hurt in what I am saying here.

I pray each evening for support - three weeks ago I felt something very strange came over me - it was a feeling of total forgiveness for the way she had treated me. This was the beginning of my release.

True forgiveness is powerful - destroyed the injustice I felt towards her - thus I see her now as the women that I spent 15 years of my life with.

But I am no longer beating myself up.

Anam

November 13, 2003
7:47 pm
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chloeysmomma
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sometimes i feel angry belive it or not when i dont get my own way it seems in every realationship i have had with men its been like that back and forth so i deal with it and i take my anger out on others when i shoudnt i hope i dont go to hell for trying to be angry at others when really iam only angry at myself and i hope god can forgive me of what i have done to others to hurt them when really iam only really hurting myself i dont yell or take things out on anyone anymore i have more self control but everytime i get angry i write it down in a journal and it keeps me from explodeing then i cry and feel relived those are my thoughts

November 14, 2003
4:34 pm
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vegas
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artist 2, after my break up I have told my ex that I hated him. Hated him for what he was doing and not thinking of me. Hated him for not letting me have peace. I found that whenever I told him, I hurt more afterward. Not only that, it all really didn't matter to him. He would just get mad at me back, and then everything was just shitty.

I hoped telling him my feelings of hurt and hate would turn him back to me...so he would make things right by me. but I knew that was not what I really wanted. I didn't want him back. I wanted him to feel as miserable as I did. And I wanted to be his only source of happiness. Well, I just had a wake up call...that's so unhealthy! Who wants a relationship like that?

I can absolutely relate with your feelings of disgust toward your ex. I think it's okay to release your anger. Do it however way you want. Yell, scream, punch, jog, jump, paint, type, anything. Just don't let it consume you. Telling your ex really won't do any good...it won't fix or make better the past. Telling your ex may even make you feel worse. Tell it to God and let the pain and hurt go. He will trade your hurt for such an inexplicable peace.

It's tough...I know cuz I'm dealing with it too. But, it takes the same amount of energy to stay hateful or to let go. Do you want positive energy or depletive energy?

unhappy camper: you're so wise! I love that "it's him just being him." I added that to my list of mantras.

November 14, 2003
4:58 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Artist2, I never missed a chance to tell my 2nd husband how very much I loathed, hated, despised him, what a worthless, low-down, good for nothin, lyin, stinkin, sack of,,well you get the picture. When I did that, and it was often, I would get to the point that tears of pure rage would come. Then the rage would choke me so that I could no longer even speak, would actually almost become physically sick. Didn't do a bit of good because in his and his mother's view, he NEVER was wrong or did anything wrong. Only when I took a good long look at him, how he was raised, did I realize I needed to forgive. When I did that, my rage was gone. Now I just feel sorry for him because he is still the same, but I learned something from that experience that he probably will never learn. Writing it all down is a good idea too, but I wouldn't send it. Forgiveness is the best way to go for yourself. It gives one peace.

November 14, 2003
6:24 pm
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artist 2
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I'm sorry I wasn't able to thank you all earlier today for your advice. what you are all saying is forgiveness is the way, the source of peace in all this... thank you many times in the future that I'll forget to say it.

Love, Artist 2

November 14, 2003
6:59 pm
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unhappy camper
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Anan
What now? Just solitude for you?

November 14, 2003
7:40 pm
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Anam Cara
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UC

Solitude is not my style - I am faithful to the end and a bit beyond.

I happened upon a lady the other day who knocked and wanted to view thr house - spent about an hour looking at my art - we talked - she was kind and spoke kindly - I realised then how little of such kindness my wife had shown me - daggers - barbs is all she is good at.

After this lady left - I thought how little I need to be happy again and if a total stranger could do that to me then I still want to swim again in the fast current.

Thanks for asking UC.

Anam

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