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getting over jerk boyfriend. HELP!
September 10, 2005
10:40 am
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lilbabygurl
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September 30, 2010
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I just got out of a relationship with a man that I dated, on and off, for two years. It seems like when we are broken up he is a different person. He tells me how much I mean to him and how beautiful I am and how he can't live without me. Yet when we get back together, all of that stops and he becomes emotionally abusive, so we break up. But then he acts like he's changed again and I want him back. I don't know what to do! He is saying he wants to be together again but I know he will just do the same thing. But I am in love with him and I don't know how to get over him! I see him everyday since I work with him, so I can't just forget about him. Got any advice? I'd love to hear it!...

September 10, 2005
10:49 am
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gingerleigh
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Getting away from him to keep your perspective is the best thing. Any possibility that now is a good time for a career change?

September 10, 2005
10:49 am
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22haha
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September 27, 2010
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lil- gosh this is my story also. I was trying to get out of it the other day and he stopped by to tell me he wants help and that he can't live without me, now three days later we already had a fight. I guess until they actually get help for themselves it is always going to be the same ol' same ol'. He has to want to change his ways - you can't make him or help him. If he is willing to get professional help I would offer the advise to set boundaries - don't let him cross them - and learn to love yourself more in the meantime. You don't deserve this treatment and he needs to know you aren't going to put up with it anymore. My bf is totally testing my boundaries right now and I am having a tough time being strong. He is getting help though. Good luck to you!

September 10, 2005
11:33 am
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jack122064
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You said he's a jerk, go with that instinct. He's a user, abuser, manipulative, lying, cheating, backstabbing, and a worthless peice of %$#*. Tell him so. Don't allow him to control you - YOU are in control. I told my "ex" off, and I have no regrets about that. (Just my two cents, do what's best for you....)

Jack

September 10, 2005
11:45 am
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jack122064
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PS lilbabygurl:

I was also "in love" with my "ex." (Long story, I'm a gay man who had a close friendship with a woman, it resembled a romantic thing...). But I got over that when I realized how selfish and manipulating and lying she is. It was VERY difficult, it hurt like hell and made me VERY angry - but I'm better off now.

We can be in love with someone, but there is no law that says we HAVE to stay in love with them...

Jack

September 10, 2005
4:51 pm
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turnabout
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How about a new rule for yourself? Like pretty words don't count; he has to PROVE he's fixed himself B4 you'll give him any chances. He's playing you like a yo-yo, but you keep jumping on for the ride. When he comes back around, be wary and stay wary. Remind yourself that you need SOLID proof, not the manipulative stage show he gives. I mean, let's get real. How changed does he act? Really changed to that soul-deep level, or changed just enough to let you believe what you want to believe? Isn't there always something missing that you excuse away? Isn't there always that little needling doubt despite his "changed" behavior? Something I've learned recently is that people can't hide who they really are, except that we help them by refusing to see what they don't want us to see.

September 10, 2005
6:48 pm
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Neshema
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September 24, 2010
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I have come to understand they do this cuz they don't respect themselves, and they drag you down. Once you show them you respect yourself enough for the both of you, they try manipulation techniques...anything to get you back so they can feel better about themselves. You want that? Focus on how bad he made you feel. Make lists of all the bad things he did to you. Is that what you want in a partner?

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