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Getting old?
November 28, 2003
10:32 am
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wallace
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Hello everyone. I've just turned 40 and I'm really struggling with it. It's like I changed overnight. I wake up in the morning and I feel my life is over. There are days I feel so alone and miserable and each hour of each day becomes a struggle to get through. I have a good job, a loving husband, a nice home. Yet I feel like there is nothing ahead of me. I look at younger people and feel envy. It feels like I have an incurable disease. It doesn't help when people say things like it's down hill from now on. On the outside, I'm happy and chatty, on the inside it's a different story. I don't have many people I would call friends. That's because I've always found friendships hard as I find it difficult to relax into a friendship and trust people. It never used to bother me but now I want to change this. It sounds crazy but I don't know how to let people get close. I must send out silent signals because people will chat to me but we don't go on to become friends. Any insights or words of wisdom would be welcome,

November 28, 2003
10:41 am
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HARRYO
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I tried that middle age thing and
I don't like it. The secret to
being and feeling young is for
you not to envy the young because
you can't keep up with them, but
having the young envy you because
they can't keep up with you.

November 28, 2003
12:52 pm
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mj
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Hi Wallace,
Happy 40th 🙂
I use to feel really alone but once I started opening up with people here, it seems to help me in my relationships elsewhere as well. I discovered most of my previous friendships weren't that healthy for me. I am trying to pick better friends these days. Good to see you back 🙂

November 28, 2003
3:00 pm
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sosos
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Happy Birthday!!! 40 is great. I bungee jumped just before mine. For me, it has been a good place. I have arrived at a place where I am proud of myself, I like myself, and feel so strong and so much wiser. I made huge changes in my life, and feel like I'm ready to start life again. Celebrate, you are only as old as you feel! Do some things you have wanted to do, whether they are silly, crazy, childish, whatever. What do you envy about the young people you see? If it's clothes, then dress younger, who cares? But think about this, you have accomplished so much, they still have all of those things ahead of them. And it's scary for them right now. You're at the perfect age, old enough to know better, and young enough to still do the things you want to. What day was your birthday? Mine was in November also.

November 28, 2003
3:31 pm
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deehmah
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Hi all - my 40's have been the best of my life. I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. Only if I could go back and know what I know, now. I still have a long way to go but I can also look back and see just how far I've actually come. It is so very true that you're only as old as you feel. I will be 50 in March but have the heart of a 20 year old. My child is grown, I'm financially o.k. and I'm really starting to work on me to reprogram all those messages I received as a younger woman. I started shooting a gun for competition at age 45 and took up motorcycle riding at 47. I tore down and have been rebuilding a summer 'shack' for the past 5 years. I kick ass with a power saw. Next year I'm going to learn how to sail. I never got to be a 'child' when I physically was one. I plan on doing it now, every last bit of it. Look at 40 as your coming of age. It's a wonderful time.

November 29, 2003
9:21 am
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wallace
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Wow, thanks everyone! So much positivity. So refreshing-I've had so much negativity up to now. I had no idea there were so many fellow 40-somethings posting here!

MJ-I'm going to try your tact of opening up to people a bit more. I've either never felt they would be interested in what I have to say or I haven't been able to trust enough.

Deehmah-you are an inspiration. I felt so motivated after I read your reply.

Harryo, Sosos-I don't know what I envy-I think it's the lack of wrinkles, good figures. Maybe they represent what I feel are my wasted years.

You guys are so positive-it really makes a difference.

November 29, 2003
10:15 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Wallace,

I will be 40 in six months. For the most part, I'm enjoying my life right now.

I will NOT be bungee jumping... but I was thinking of a hiking trip as my birthday and anniversary are one right after the other. I got married the day after my birthday.

I suffer from fibro, so my trip will be short, but I have my husband with me, and like all said above; I'm no longer worried all the time about getting food on the table. I have different career options that I would not have had before. I could stand to lose some weight, but hey if it comes off it comes off. That is why God developed elastic and stretch material in jeans GRIN!

Enjoy your life. My Mom told me my great-grandfather back in the 40's was on a TV show called "life begins at 80" he was 92 out there piping his bagpipes!

Love,

Zinnie

November 29, 2003
10:30 am
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tooscared
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I'm also 40 as of last March Wallace. It has definitely been a year of reflection and change for me, but I think that may be a good thing. I think 40 is an age where you are tired of settling for things the way they are and you want to make things better for yourself. Happy belated birthday to you.
Love, TS

November 30, 2003
8:31 am
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andypandy
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How about this...?....I am 41, have a baby girl 9 months old and a son about to turn 18 and another daughter about to turn 16, wear progressive lenses, just been diagnosed with arthritis in my neck, have tennis elbow in my left arm from haphazardly carrying her around in the car seat, am overweight, have to travel 1 hour or more daily to work, ummm what else ? Much more, but those are my main complaints, other than that, I like being my age. I'm only worried that I will embarrass my
new child when she is able to recognize the differences in other children's parents. I have already been asked if she is my grandchild. I had to laugh to hold back the tears. I truly do like being my age, but I too am envious of the young, hard, slim bodies of the 20-30 somethings out there. I know their day will come too, so for the most part, I try not to compare because I know it isn't realistic. I am what I am and I am going with the flow........oh, and get this...my husband thinks we should have one more child so our daughter isn't alone as she grows up..in case? Am I crazy to actually be considering this?

November 30, 2003
9:09 pm
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silk
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I have learned that having meaning in my life is so much more important than being young again. I am so much more! Also, my life's meaning gives me the dignity to face my life's end as it fast approaches.

November 30, 2003
11:42 pm
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addicted2LV
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Inner Peace

I'm passing this along to you, because it's definitely working for me.

I think I have found inner peace. I recently read an article that said the best way to achieve inner peace is to FINISH things I had started.

So, today I finished two large bags of potato chips, a chocolate pie, a fifth of Jack Daniel's, a small box of chocolate candy, and I slapped the crap out of someone I have never liked.

I feel better already.

Pass this along to a friend who is in need of inner peace. Someone passed it on to me!

December 1, 2003
10:05 am
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artist 2
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Wallace, your forties are great! You're old enough to know better, but young enough to still take chances. Go for it!

December 1, 2003
11:54 am
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wallace
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addicted2LV - your reply made me laugh! How did you find inner peace-I think that is what I'm missing.

Silk-what do you mean by meaning in your life?

December 2, 2003
11:34 pm
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silk
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Wallace: My life experience deepens with layers of meaning as time passes and I get older. Only I can assign this...just as only you can give your own life any meaning. I decide what makes life worth living and give of myself to others as I see the meaning lead me...and I do the joyful work of living. I find meaning in many things, such as love, joy, loss, and suffering. The most mundane things take on a new magic. It is the same me and the same world around me, I am just more plugged into it.

December 3, 2003
4:25 am
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Zinnie
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Hi All!

AndyPandy... I read your post about having a baby. I have to share this with you...

I am from a family of eleven kids -actually, there were 13 but two died in infancy. Well, the first ten of us are like boom, boom, boom, boom. My sister and the brother after her are only nine months and 20 days apart.

Then... seventeen years later, here comes my brother. So, we have always called him "The Martini Baby" - Mom had one too many and told Dad "O.K."

Hee hee!

Love,

Z.

December 4, 2003
9:39 am
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wallace
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lisset - there are people out there who fit your description. 51 is not old. Age is relative. If you feel you are where you want to be and have support and security around you, you will never feel lonely and old. But unfortunately, a lot of us don't have that.

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