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getting more depressed...tried to cut
April 28, 2009
10:17 am
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cnfusedgrl06
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I haven't been able to stop crying lately - I only feel normal when I'm really busy at work, or running around doing stuff so that I can't let my brain slow down enough to think or feel anything. The minute I have two minutes to myself without something "to do" I have a breakdown...went home to visit my parents last weekend, walked up the driveway, saw my mother and just started crying. It lasted all weekend. I tried to go out on Friday with friends and ended up in the middle of the night crouched in a storefront sobbing. The post office has been trying to deliver a package (which obviously I'm at work so now i need to go pick it up), and i couldn't figure out what it was. I realized yesterday that it was probably some random stuff (old sneakers, maybe a book) that I'd left at my ex's house and that he probably mailed it back, and that he probably mailed it hte cheapest way possible because he's always been real cheap, and it's taken almost a month to get here. I can't get rid of him, everywhere I go he seems to be there and instead of getting better, lately I've been starting to feel worse. for a week or two weeks i thought i was going to be OK, but this last week has been bad...really bad. last night i came home from work, got into bed immediately and just cried. i tried to make myself get up and run, but had to stop and walk home because i just oculdn't make myself take another step running and it was too hard to breathe because i was crying. i came home and listened to my roommate talk about some fight with her mother, and thought i was feeling better until i was again, alone, in bed, and i broke down. again.

i tried to cut myself, but typical, couldn't even do that successfully. i don't like pain so much, i just want something on my outside to show how i Feel on the inside. it's been a month, and people get tired of hearing you talk about how you feel, what a "hard time" you're having. their patience runs out, and my patience has run out - i'm sick of feeling like this, but i just can't stop. i feel exhausted, and numb, like i feel everything through gloves - kind of distantly and desensitized. the only thing that i FEEL strongly is the crying. I only feel normal when I'm acting normal in front of other people. by myself i just feel like a fucked up, exhausted, pathetic loser. i hate that he he has the power to make me feel this way and that, at the moment, i can't seem to find the strength to take myself back, to own myself... but i can't seem to find it anywhere. i've never been a cutter before...well i guess in high school i did it once or twice. i used to have an eating disorder.... there is something about wanting to be in control of what causes you pain, of having some physical thing SHOW outside of you how bad you feel inside, as though people would take me seriously when I say "something is wrong."

how do i get out of this... this isn't me, i thought i had moved past feeling like this, i thought i was stronger, and until J, I was - I hadn't felt like this since I was kid....what do i do.

April 28, 2009
10:55 am
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penny lane
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(((((confusedgrl06)))) hugs to you...you deserve them...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way..I can understand. When I broke up with my bf over 3 years ago...he was a narcissist...I had to even though I felt so much love and emotions for him...I was depressed ...like you..for a year...over the course of months..through therapy...I regained myself and began to have a clearer and more profound vision of who I am and the choices I make. Like you...I felt like a loser..huge...for chosing and enduring the abusive, emotional, abuse I took in that relationship. But that journey was purposeful for me..a great learing experience.

But I was in so much pain for months..my friends were sympathedic to my plight..especially since I had broken off the relationship..but their ear wasnt enough. I needed more..from someone who had no emotional ties to me...someone who could give me "coping skills" ..so I got lucky and found a wonderful Life Coach...therapist if you will.. The beauty of this relationship was I could be pathedic in her prescence..sobbing..angry...silly..and soon I began to heal...That is your goal..to heal from this..find a way that works for you...find a way to move thru this...it is ok to feel the pain ...it is natural..I promise you will be better soon..

Good luck

April 28, 2009
10:58 am
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StronginHim77
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You need support. First of all, keep posting here. No one recovers from a broken relationship in just a month. In fact, I remember feeling WORSE at one month. The first couple of weeks, my anger and emotional upset sort of "carried me" through. Once that momentum wound down, depression set in.

You are understandably depressed. I urge you to give yourself time to grieve those lost hopes and dreams. Also, this is the time to help yourself. Read books about codependency, broken relationships, emotional recovery. Learn the "red flags" of a potentially toxic mate, so that you avoid making poor choices in the future. If you can afford it, get into counseling during this recovery period.

You should also consider talking to your doctor about medical support, should this depression fail to improve or lift.

Keep posting. We are NOT Tired of hearing about it. That's why we are here.

- Ma Strong

April 28, 2009
11:28 am
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Zebra
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confusedgrl,

Oh honey I am sorry you feel so bad. I too have been there. When I left my 10 year marriage; i cried for 4 months straight every day and it seemed like it would never end; the pain; the loss; the love, BUT it did. It has been 10 months almost 11 now and I am not crying anymore and I am starting to feel better about me. Yes I came here and it helped so much; I also am and sought therapy and meds for the depression and it all is working out just fine. Try to get yourself the help you need and please, please keep posting. We will help you get through this and honey I know it is hard and painful. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Love you, Z

April 28, 2009
12:50 pm
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PreciousG
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(((CN))))

I soory that you are in so much pain. However, like Ma said it is noraml. The first moth you have this adrenaline that carries you because you have finally made a decision. Then you have some angry that motivates you. Then BOOM! Reality hits. And, unfortuantely it can and does hit hard.

What you are describing sounds like disassociation. It can be a way of coping. Sort of like being in shock. It is as if you are going through the motions but are not really apart of the action if you will. It is as if you are watchng yourself from outside your body and feel nothing. Then you start to get feeling and it begins to get all crazy and scary. I think the crazy scary stuff is a result of not feeling in control.

You are not a loser CN. You are in a lot pain and seem to have lost your way. That is nothing to be ashamed of. It is extreemly scary because we go through life thinking that we are in control and know what is going on and coping and then boom outta nowhere for no apparent reason our world crumbles. You are left there standing wondering what do I do know? I used to know what to do. Why do I not know now? Why can't I make this me work and be ok?

Sometimes, Cn there are things in our lives in us that are bigger than us that we are not aware of that need to be healed.

I susspect that this pain that you are experiencing has not that much to do with the break-up. From what you have shared it sounds like you have had this pain/wound for quite sometime. The break-up may have just taken the scab off that pain/wound.

I really encourage you, as Ma did, to seek counseling. Believe me it will be the best self-care you can give yourself. I do not think that your freinds are tired of listening or fed up or anything like that. I know when my friends or family talk to me about something I just want to help and become frustrated when I do not know what else to say or how to help them.

I am really sorry for all your pain. You are not alone.

((((CN))))

PreciousG

April 30, 2009
1:51 pm
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cnfusedgrl06
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i made an appointment with a therapist who was recommended to me by a friend... have my first appointment tonight. the idea kind of freaks me out - how to start explaining all this from the beginning again, and what if it just sounds ridiculous? and she's a total stranger, but in a way so is everyone here, so i guess it's kind of like that... despite being freaked out, it feels like a tremendous relief to feel like someone might be able to point me North... or something. so... that. Thanks all ... ((( )))

April 30, 2009
2:18 pm
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StronginHim77
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You have taken a HUGE first step towards your recovery by making that appointment. I know you probably feel anxious about it, but I guarantee that you will be SO glad you went!!!

And yes...counseling really does help us to work through the wreckage and emotional devastation of a breakup.

Please let us know how it went?

- Ma Strong

April 30, 2009
2:18 pm
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StronginHim77
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You have taken a HUGE first step towards your recovery by making that appointment. I know you probably feel anxious about it, but I guarantee that you will be SO glad you went!!!

And yes...counseling really does help us to work through the wreckage and emotional devastation of a breakup.

Please let us know how it went?

- Ma Strong

April 30, 2009
6:42 pm
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PreciousG
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Good for you CG. Counseling has been my saving grace through my break-up.

In regards to explaining everyting and feeling freaked ouy just go at your pace. You are in control of the session and of what you say or do not say. Just be honest with yourself and with the counselor.

Also, this is exptremely importatnt to remember, if you do not feel you are clicking with the counselor or feel uncomfortable know that you can always find another counselor that is a better fit. It happens to many people and they keep looking until they find someone that they feel comfortable sharing with.

I hope your first session went well. Please let us know how it went. Think of you,

PreciousG

May 3, 2009
6:12 am
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sunshine88
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hi confusedgirl, i do remember you from another thread when this all started.

i myself am going through a similar situation. and i met PreciousG on my thread. we are all having the same experience of pain, maybe a little bit of denial, shock, whatever you can describe.

it's brave of you to get professional help. i hope it helps you greatly. keep sharing your experiences, it helps to jot down your thoughts here. those of us who have gone through it can commend us if we are going the right way, and guide us if we aren't. that's the wonder of this community.

i love it here. i dont know how to face this pain, without the support of friends from this community. hope it does the same to you. big hugs coming your way.

hi PreciousG, also to you and the rest of us in pain and struggle. Hey Zebra, am happy to know that you're not crying anymore. I followed your thread before, and you were in such pain then.

see, CN, it does get easier and better in time.

May 3, 2009
8:14 pm
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cnfusedgrl06
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Hey everyone:

went to my first counseling appointment on Tuesday. I think it's going to be very good for me... not cheap, but worth it. It was very different to try and explain things to a stranger, harder to rationalize, things about him looked different when i tried to explain them... she said something about how hard it was to love someone who could be so narcissistic in a relationship, how it's like they're the sun and you feel like some stray lonely planet trying to get a little light... how exhausting it can be... and i just thought "yes. Yes! you get it!"

so i think counseling will be good...

have been trying to keep busy... dinner with friends, catching up with friends who don't live nearby anymore, family members. I ran a 10 mile race today, and felt really good about it... saw my ex's best friend, a girl who is a lesbian, which still somehow never seemed to distill my resentment of the time they spent together or the intimacy of their relationship. That kind of cramped my style for a little... was feeling lonely at the end when no one was there to congratulate me - my roommate's sorority friends from college all came down to cheer her on and a few ran with her... i stayed away all weekend because they can be kind of overwhelming and finally came home around 730 tonight only to find that they were all still here... it's great that she has such close friends but it only served to heighten my loneliness...

so... there are ups and downs... i feel low today but surviving and i guess i'll call that progress.... therapy appointment next Tuesday, i'm looking forward to it.

Thanks Precious, Zebra, Bitsy, Strong and Sunshine

May 4, 2009
2:39 pm
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PreciousG
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Hey CG,

I am so glad to hear that you had such great experience with your counselor. I just adore those moments when my counselor gets and I yes YES! Exactly. The best feeling in the world is when someone truly understands us. I wish you continued success.

Good for you for running that race. 10 Miles that is awesome. I just ran a 10k and I thought I was a bad ass. You rock girl! I was really proud of myself for running that race for me.

Like you I had nobody at the end or in between for that matter, cheering me on. It was lonely at the end but I was still so Excited. I even stayed for the festival afterwards. It was so much fun. I can hardly wait till next year.

No exactly what you mean about seeing others or being with others in large group and it overwhelming you. On the one hand you want to be with others but on the other it really just makes the loneliness that much stronger.

I had a better day today. I made a new friend, which I am really excited about. I have very few friends and have not wanted to be around new people for a long time now. But she is really nice and sadly she is in the same situation that I am in. Even crazier, she has a twin that is going through the same.

Unfortunately, it seems nobody is immune to this horrific pain and heartache.

I hope that you have a restful evening. Talk with you soon. ((((CG)))

PreciosuG

May 5, 2009
12:27 pm
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cnfusedgrl06
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Precious:

Congrats on the run!!! The endorphins from exercising can't be beat... and it feels so good at the end, what an accomplishment, right? And something that you do for yourself and no one else. We gotta just enjoy that.

So glad you made a new friend, and it is someone who understands what you're going through. I too have been making an effort to reach out to new people, and reconnecting with existing friends - often I don't want to talk about the stuff I'm going through, it can feel like such a relief to NOT think about it/talk about it and just be normal... but most of them - the ones I'm closer to - I know I can talk about it if I need to. I think it's so important for us to create relationships outside the one/s that are bringing us down. Those friends can be like a beacon of light/hope that reminds us there are other people who care about us, who don't make us feel like a smaller more broken version of ourselves, who enjoy our company, who are there to be a support and a partner in crime 🙂

I'm sorry your friend and her twin are going through the same thing, but hopefully the two (three?) of you can be supportive to each other, as well as a distraction from what you're going through...

Hope you're having a good day... where I live it's been raining for weeks... honestly, Lord, cut me some slack and bring out the sun, it's enough to give a girl Seasonal Affective Disorder!

Today is a good day... thanks to God for that.

-- Cnfused.

May 5, 2009
1:09 pm
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Zebra
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Confusedgrl and PreciousG,

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR RUNNING THOSE RACES. Awesome job ladies. I too have run races and no one there for me either, even when I was with someone; he wasn't there, so you be proud of yourself and you celebrate it for you anyway.

I did a three mile run last night after work and you are so right about the endorphines you gets...what a great feeling I had and slept well also. POWER TO THE LADIES AND THE RUNNING.

Love, Z

May 5, 2009
1:28 pm
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PreciousG
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CG,

I was just euphoric after that race. The endorphines were in extra high gear. There is no other feeling like it. The best part, I gave that gift to myself. The better paart is that I keep givig myself that gift I do not have to look to others for that. Pretty cool HUh!

Did you actually run all 10 miles?

Thus far my day is going well. I am so sorry that you are having so much rain. It can be a real get ya downer.

Yesterday it was stormy in the AM but by 3PM it was gorgeous outside. I ran 2.25 miles and walked 2. I am so excited about that because after running the race I was bearly able to run 1 mile. I discovered that I have shin splints. Great news though, they are healing. Finally!

Yay, I was being an hermit as my therapist like to call me. I had some desire to meet new people and be around others but like you said it got to be ery overwhelming and scary at times. I have been in so much pain that I didn't want inflict it on others.

I am looking forward to getting to know her and her sister better and doing things together. All of us like to listen to live music and love the same local band. We are going to go listen to them play and go to a festival at the end of the month.

Zebra,

Good to see you. Thank you for your support and encouragement. WOW! You ran 3 miles! You go girl. I just love running and look forward to it everyday.

POWER TO US LADIES AND RUNNING!

I heard this yesterday and I have been sharing it with everyone:

"Winners do what losers do not want to do!"

Think on that awhile. I just thought that was brilliant! It actually truned my day around.

I hope that you both are having a calm and encouraging day!

PreciosuG

May 6, 2009
10:51 am
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cnfusedgrl06
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I'm loving finding out that all these girls are running, staying in shape, doing something that makes us look good AND feel good! Power to us! 🙂

Just wanted to share that I got an email from a younger cousin yesterday - she and I were very close growing up despite living across the country from one another. I stayed with her/our family every summer as a kid. As we got older she got into drugs, boyfriends, sex at a young age and eventually dropped out of high school. i was in a private all girls school, dabbled in some of the stuff she did but much later and never in a way that compromised my academics or future. I went to college, and now have a degree, a full time job and can afford (with some saving and planning) to do what I want for myself - vacations, apartment, nice clothes, whatever. She is 21 and married with a new baby.

ALthough she's been married for coming on a year (justice of the peace), they are having a ceremony with the family over memorial day weekend. She and I have been back in touch lately, and despite not ideal circumstances, she seems to be settled a little and happy with her new family. I haven't wanted to tell her all my drama because she's been so wrapped up in wedding planning. i finally emailed her and told her, not expecting much back from her, but she sent me a beautiful email, and said things I'd never heard her articulate before.

She told me how much she loved me, admired me for putting myself first and taking care of myself and my future in a way that she feels like she never has. She told me that she looks up to me, and is always here to talk and be a support, and, without my having to say anything, realized I was feeling a little uncomfortable standing up in her wedding - I'm older, single, with no real prospects, and it just feels like it's rubbing salt in the wound - and she just said thank you for standing up with her, how much it meant to her, and that even though she knows I feel well... like I'm um, kind of lame, that you know what, it's not too late for me, i'm really young, and there is really no need to rush into weddings and babies. here's a piece of her email I wanted to share:

"God does what he wants with you. enjoy every minute of what you do have...thats what ive had to come to at least.
i love you so much....keep up the self help remedies, and know that time will heal and bring a new life for you whenever youre supposed to have it..."

I thought that was some real wisdom coming from this girl - she's 21, and she's seen a lot of life already. Something we can all keep in mind a little bit.

The best part is that, as an older sister kind of figure to my cousin, I've always felt like I should take care of her, and not weigh her down with my problems, that they would seem trivial to what she is doing in her life, and what a beautiful gift to hear these things from her, and realize that what I assumed is not true, and that she is more mature than I thought she was, that she is a support to me as I am to her.

What a blessed way to start a day.

Just wanted to share.... keep running ladies!! Precious, go to those concerts! They sound awesome. Keep posting!

-- Cnfused

May 6, 2009
1:22 pm
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PreciousG
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(((CG)))

What wonder cousin you have. MOre importantly what a relationship the two of you can share.

I was talking to my new friend about this very situation. See I used to think that everybody that was n relationship waws happy and all was happy rosy and why could'nt I make mine work.

Then one day on the way home from work something hit me out of nowhere and realized that I have NO IDEA what the heck is going on in any relationship. I mean I used to cringe and feel so sad when I saw couples together holding hands, or just together period. Thi weekend m,y new friend said the same thing to me and shared with her my revelation.

I feel my revaltion relevant in just about all situations. Wether it is friendship, intimate relationships ect things are not always as they appear.

The other part to this is what I went through these last few years. Like you CG I didn't want to bother anyone so i kept a lot of what I was going through to myself. I didn't talk (I will call my new friend Z form now on) Z for fear of being a burden and look how that turned out. Additionaly, talking to new people or rekindling old ones doesn't neccessarily mean that we have to tlak about our troubles, even though they seem to be consumimg us at the time. Soemtimes when we reach to people me actually be giving them what we want for ourselves and in the natural course of things it will likely come full circle.

What I have learned through therapy is that it is ok to ask for what we need or want in relationships. Like your cousin said you are standing up for you. We have to learn to do that in our relationships and if they crumble then that is not our problem it is the others problem. More importantly, we have to understand and accept that it is OK the world will not end if the person that we are with or the freind that we are reaching out to can not give to us what we seek at that time.

Bottom line here is that we have to to take care of ourselves cause no one else is going to.

I see your cousin as an Angle. She gave you a wonderful gift of some peace, renewed hope, and warmth that you needed. AHHH! how wonderful it is to breath for a change. Savor this moment CG. You can return to this when you start to feel yucky.

Yes, power to us for caring for ourselves! Oh I am going to those concerts and will enjoy every minute of it!

(((CG)))

PreciosuG

May 7, 2009
11:35 am
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cnfusedgrl06
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hey guys -

could use a hug today, feeling a little set back...

i have blocked my own access to the website where i could see my ex's profile and activity etc. particularly because the week after we broke up he and i were both online all day it seemed, posting stuff on our walls ... it was really stupid - so i stopped it by blocking my ability to get on and giving my brother my password so he could change it and not tell me. I haven't been on in a while, but today i "cheated" and on my roommate's computer looked him up. you can see who he is friends with in addition to his recent activity and i found out that he de-friended me. i know this sounds so ridiculous... I'm still friends with all my exes, and I would never un-friend them - they were a part of my life, and I guess I (nosily) check on them once in a while out of curiosity for what they're doing. I can't figure out why he would do that - i wonder if it's a last power play because i stopped the online wall war, because i didn't respond to the shitty letter he sent me when returning a pair of shoes (via mail, a month after we broke up with a scrawled note that said "hope you're well. Sorry these are so late in getting returned to you. I realize it will probably be in the distant future, but when you're able I'd like to hear how you are, send me an email or something"), or because i haven't tried to get in touch with him? that letter alone is reason enough to fly off the handle with his stupid superiority, with his implication that I am probably so broken but he's fine. I have taken the high road. I cut off all communication from the day I walked out of his apartment, even though I felt like it would kill me. So now he defriended me. it sounds ridiculous to my ears, i realize it sounds stupid. but it seems like one more power play - a reminder that he is in control. and it surprises me, because i expected him to be indifferent and just not care about any of that kind of stuff. is it possible he could hate me so much, or so badly want me to disappear that he erased any way of finding me, knowing how i am, what happened next to me - does he really not care that much? did he want to hurt me?

i'm surprised, and hurt i guess. it's a little thing, but it felt like an amicable lifeline, a way to maybe get in touch in the far future when we had both moved on. i guess he really, really wants me gone. that sucks. i know, i should have gotten the message by now. i know, i don't want him back. but i don't like to just cut people off i guess - i don't know, i'm rambling over something that is kind of trivial i guess.

doesn't help that i'm in the coffee shop where we had one of our first dates. we used to spend a lot of time here cuddling and doing crossword puzzles in the times and trading news paper articles etc. I loved those lazy sunday mornings or saturdays. This place plays his favorite radio station... it just played a song that i used to put on over and over again (he gave it to me) when we first started dating, and it always made me think of him. actually, i listened to that cd the most the week before he dumped me the first time.

damn, i just cannot get with the program. it's amazing to me how easily - from so far away, from so little contact - he can make me feel like crap again. all the more reason to cut him out and do it for good. somehow he keeps showing up in my life. .

also frustrating, because i was starting to feel more like my old self, and feel that way for longer periods of time... i was feeling....gasp...optimistic... and this kind of stuff makes me feel like i'm right back where i started, if only because it gets to me, in spite of myself, in spite of me acknowledging that it shouldn't.

It takes time. I am better off than where I started. I am making progress. And he continues to live up to my lowest expectations. I'd like to spend this energy on someone who can live up to my highest expectations. Until someone else is able to do that, I guess I need to work on living up to my own highest expectations of myself, right? and getting all worked up about stuff like this - about small people like him - is not included on that list. For all his good qualities, he has never been, and still is not, considerate. he was considerate, in a flashy, showy, I brought you flowers in front of everyone way, but in the quiet moments, he never was, and still isn't. Aren't those moments the one that count most?????

May 7, 2009
11:55 am
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StronginHim77
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Yes. Take it from an olde, olde lady: those "quiet moments" (without an audience) are the ones that count most. You are wiser than you credit yourself with being.

The bottom line here is that ARE finally in control...and he is not and knows it. Thus, his removal of you as a "friend" on his website. Personally, I hate those things. They cause so much trouble and promote so much pettiness and ill will. Do yourself a favor and stay away from it. FOREVER.

In some ways it makes sense, however. You have broken up with him. The relationship is over. Breakups cause so much woundedness that is hardly conducive to true friendship. Do you really consider yourself a friend to him? or did it simply sting that he is moving on?

Focus on you. Not him. You are what counts now.

- Ma Strong

May 7, 2009
12:20 pm
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PreciousG
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(((CG)))

It sounds to me that reality is setting in. It feels like you were rejected all over again. I do not think that it matters why he de-friended you. You can play the "what if" "Why" game forever and you will never truly know the answer.

What were hoping to find out by visiting his page?

I know that it is a shock to see that you are nolonger there but the fact is you two are nolonger a couple and maybe he reached a place where he was really ready to let go. Again, you are never going to know why though.

Man you are giving this guy so much power and allowing him to still be in control and he doesn't even know it.

You have taken the high road and done an amazing job of taking care you. Sometimes, though when we reach a place were we feel we are feeling better stronger we takes chances. Sometimes I think the chances we take are actually us reverting to old behaviors for comfort. It's as if we are making some head way and realizing that we are not going to get back together and we seem to be OK with that but yet on some unconscious level, if you will we go searching for faamiliarity in hopes that we just may be wrong. We are hurt and rality slaps us in the face we get upset and beat ourselves for so many different reasons.

1. We did somehting that we haven't been doing and have been proud of ourselves for not engaging in that behavior. Now we are disappointed in ourselves.

2. We we engaged in this behavior without first being honest with ourselves and when reality slaps us in the face then we still can't face it and try to rationalize and defend our behavbior.

3. REALITY HAS PUNCHED US RIGHT IN THE GUT!

I think the him returning the shoes after a month was assinine (sp) think to do. Unless, of ccourse you had aske to reeturn the shoes. If not then he was just showing his ass. I mean if you had been after him to return the shoes then there was no reason to send them back via mail with that note attached. He sounds very insecur to me. He was just trying to get a reaction out of you. I proud of you for not responding. That show how strong you are. More importantly, it shows that you have self-repsect and class.

Again, I know that you are hurting and it really sucks. BUt you said that he keeps poping into your life. Well, the truth is you popped into his life. He may have popped into your life when he sent those shoes back but you chose to visit his page. Believe me I am not judging you. We have all been here before. I am just simply stateing facts as I have see them. MOreover, while you ar ebeing honest with yourself to a degree you have go beyond that and get blunt with yourslef if you will.

I know all to well the pain that comes along with getting to the nitty gritty and being blunt with yourself. But that is the only way that I have been able to get through any of this. I learned the hard way belive me. If you haven't read my Epiphany thread, in that thread is where I talk about hitting my bottom and getting to the nittt gritty and being BLUNT with myself. Everything turned around for me after that. I have obviously hit some major round blocks but I am to revist that momentin time when I was able to get realy real with myself and draw some strength to move forward. See once the truth is unveiled there is no turning back. While it can be the most painful thing to indure the truth can the most liberating experience that you will ever have.

Sending you Angles of strength to be with you. You re doing great work CG. Jusst push a little harder to get at your truth and see what happen next.

(((((CG)))))

PreciosuG

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