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getting crazy over the past
October 6, 2003
4:24 pm
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Pagetti
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Hey, all... I hope I can find some guidance with you...
I am now living together with my boyfriend for over one year, and we have scheduled our weading for next year. Things aren't too good btw us in my mind... See, when we first started going out, he had this girlfriend. It took him around 6 months to let her go and stay with me. About 8 months after their break-up, I found out he still was in touch with her, flirting, going out. Basically: lying to me to be with her. I'm am not 100% certain if they were romantically envolved during that time, but it did seem he was walking to that direction.
So, I found that out, by reading his emails. Yes, I know its wrong, I know I shouldn't be going through his stuff, but I did. And it was how I found out.
So, after a while apart, I thought I was able to forgive him for all the lies and we got back together. I truly believe he was sorry, although I find no rational explanation for what he did. That happened over 1 year ago. Today, I am fully aware he gives me no reason to be worried and he is a terrific partner. However, there is not one day that goes by that I don't think about what happened. I am always fearful that he'll do it again, with her or some other woman. That is driving me crazy. All inputs are welcome! Let me know what you think.

October 6, 2003
11:35 pm
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unhappy camper
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You don't trust him. That's not good. I would see a counselor alone and talk with him/her. Perhaps they know of a way to ease your suspicions. I don't want to say whether you should confront him about it as I don't know what is right. But a counselor would be a great help. If you are carrying a grudge against him, it will lead to friction between you both. He has hurt you badly. How sorry did he seem?

October 7, 2003
12:13 pm
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Pagetti
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He seemed increadibly, miserably sorry. It was the reason why I decided we could give it another chance. I honestly and rationally believe he wouldn't do it again. I'm not here to judge anyone, and do think we all make mistakes. But there seems to be a huge difference btw what I rationally think and how I behave. Stuff pop into my mind, and I fantasize a lot about what could be going on. You're absolutely right about therapy. At this point I really can't afford private sessions and am still seeking a voluntary service. Do you know of any in NY?

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