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Frustrated by his adolescent behavior: RANT
May 3, 2007
3:54 pm
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artist 2
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He tells me a million different things he will do and doesn't do them.

He does do nice things I did not ask for and expects that to make up for his unreliability.

It's like he knows he's unreliable, and throws water on the fire by doing nice unexpected things.

When I express my dissatisfaction with not being able to rely on him, he points out how ungrateful I am, using those things he does as examples.

I feel like I'm being manipulated and my feelings twisted around.

My main complaint is because of his not following through on his word.

Second thing he does is just take of spontaneously. Asks me three days away if I can take a day off and go on a six hour away weekend vacation. Expects me to, on the spur of the moment, to take a week of vacation (I only get three weeks a year) to go do something that just popped into his head.

Honestly, I think he just lives on his own little island. No wonder I consistently feel second place to his whims.

May 3, 2007
4:02 pm
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on my way
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You know, I'm thinking that it isn't so bad that he is like this, but what makes it ugly is that he doesn't seem to respect what you are like. Is there no thought there on his part towards you, or is it all about him? If it is all about him then could be toruble, but if he can be clued and he relaizes what he is doing and is truly sorry and makes a huge effort to reconstruct that...then you have a nice guy.

May 3, 2007
4:07 pm
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artist 2
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That's a tough one to answer. Example: after six months of dating, he invited me on vacation to a place I was not interested in, but he wanted to go. I told him this, but he ended up talking me into it. I didn't know it at first, but found out later he expected me to pay for half of everything. I just got the feeling that it was some place he wanted to go, and only talked me into it to pay for half. It felt like it could have been anyone. I felt really disregarded.

It's almost as if he KNOWS he's being insensitive, but instead of addressing he own behavior, he covers it up with "nice things".

May 3, 2007
4:14 pm
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artist 2
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That's really the core of this: I feel disregarded.

Example 2: He wanted me to meet all his friends, and I suggested having a dinner party. We went through all this planning and cooking. One of his long-time friends was going to extra dinner plates. This "friend" cancelled his appearance the morning of the day. We had to scramble to find more dinner places. His friend's excuse was he had to work. Found out later that he had gone off on a fishing trip.

Well, I felt really dissed! The first thing boyfriend did was take up for this friend. I got even more mad. Now, he was dissing me too. We had a huge fight because I was taking up for myself and demanding an apology from the friend who ditched the party. The friend finally sent me an email apology several days later. But, during this whole thing, BF was taking up for him, saying I was the one who snubbed him at first and that's why he did what he did the day of the party.

May 3, 2007
4:24 pm
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Honolulugal
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Geez Artist, I sure see how you feel and I'd feel the same - disregarded and disrespeted.

That vacay story really burns me up, though!

May 3, 2007
4:26 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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artist.....

I don't know if this behaviour is adolescent, or if they just aren't meeting your expectations overall.

You see, when we have a partner, it is important to accept what they are offering.

If we can't accept the types of things they are offering, then they aren't a good match for us.

Doesn't make them a bad person, just not the right match.

In your case, it sounds like your BF agrees to do things for you (maybe just lip service to make you happy?) and then doesn't follow thru.

But then he does do OTHER things that he feels are nice things, but in your mind, isn't what you wanted, so it doesn't mean anything to you.

Do you think he agrees with you to "shut you up" or get you off his case? Or to avoid confrontation...then doesn't follow thru cuz he didn't intend to from the beginning?

Or do you think he's just absent minded and forgets?

Is the other things he does his way of trying to kiss up or is it just thing he does out of being thoughtful?

In the end, if you can't rely on him, and his thoughtful gestures don't seem thoughtful to you, perhaps it isn't a good match?

As far as the dinner party...you can't control what his friends do...including force an apology if they don't want to give one. And you mention that the friend feels like you snubbed him, but don't explain why the friend felt that way?

In the end, it doesn't matter who's side anyone is on...and it's rough to make someone choose between his long time friend and his girlfriend...when in the end, he had no control over what his friend did any more than you do.

Yes, bailing out at the last minute to go fishing was rude...but it was his choice and is only a reflection of his maturity.

As far as the vacations...he may just be the impulsive type...I know I can be like that...and he may not be aware that other people aren't on the same wavelength as he is...the only thing you can do is say no if you don't want to go and stand firm in your decision.

Cuz ultimately, if you allow yourself to be talked into doing something you don't want to do, then it's not his fault, but yours for accepting when you really didn't want to.

how old is your boyfriend? and how old are you?

May 3, 2007
4:28 pm
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mj
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Hey Artist 2,

Glad to see you posting again!

How is Life? It seems to me that you could use some practice with boundaries my friend!

May 3, 2007
4:28 pm
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atalose
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artist 2

Why are you with this guy if he disregards your feelings and makes you feel so frustrated all the time.
You've talked to him about this and yet it still continues. It doesn't sound like he is going change. Even his friend has the same behavior which just reinforces his.
If you know he's not changing his ways then what are you waiting for?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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