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frustrated and lost
February 27, 2006
10:01 pm
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monq
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September 24, 2010
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Hi everyone
I just stumbled across this site and have read some of the threads. I can definatly relate.
I have been in a relationship with a guy since June 2004. The privious year I had split from my husband and went through a bad time trying to find love and acceptance in all the wrong places.
Got addicted to an internet dating site (bad bad). I got to the point that I knew I needed to deal with myself when I met ****. He was and still is exactly what I am looking for physically. We dated. now in my opinion that means dedicating yourself to that person until you find whether you want to continue or move on. His view was to be with whomever you choose until you want to commit.
I did not know at the time that he was seeing other girls.
I know I should have moved on but I fell in love with this guy.
The physical side to my marrage was not good and with this guy that side was too good (lol).
He seems to use the truth to relieve himself of all blame. He tells the truth and then says it is up to you to move on if I want. If I want to stay he does not want to hear about it again. No accountability.
Anyway I did stay and we moved in together in December (he made a commitment to me).
Our relationship has been very up and down. He is very defensive and can not be criticized. He is nacassistic but is also codependent.
Thigs have got alot better but there are still thae same underlaying problems. Everytime we argue he calls/visits his ex girlfriends. It took alot for him to let them go out of his life because he doesnt understand that it is not healthy to be in a relationship and continue seeing these girls (these are girls he had slept with when we were already together).
He blamed me for keeping him away from his friends.
We slit up about a month ago and I moved back to my parents (yipee lol) but have still been seeing him and whenm we are together it is as if we are still in a commited relationship except techincally - "we are not together". He has now started seeing his ex girlfriends again. he feels that having friendships with them and no sex is ok. Especially one girl who last year he dated during a time we had a break (created a huge!!!! amount of pain for me).
She was obsessed with him then and wouldnt stop contacting when we got back together. This was also **** cos he wanted to remain friends.
He says now that he is doing nothing wrong as he is single and that i shouldnt feel theatened as he is not interested in a relationship with her.
We had a tif on Friday night and I over reacted. instead of leaving I let my mouth run off (not good). He was organinsing to go out with some guy mates (and told me later that I was also spose to go before I stormed out). He then contacted her and she went out with them until 4.30 in the morning. She then left (he says) though I do believe him cos he has no fear of telling the truth.
Next night was out with a mutual female freind of ours and she calls to ask to crash at his house (she lives about 1.20hrs away) so he gave her a key and she stayed on the couch down stairs.
She is moving back to the city and has found a flat but needs somewhere to stay for 2 weeks and has asked to stay at **** house. One of his?our flatmates hass just left.
I tell him her intentions are more than friendship and all he says is that it doesnt matter what she wants cos he just wants a friendship.
He says I am just inscure which I guess I am and that he can do as he chooses cos he is single (which is "technically" correct).
i know you guys are just gonna say I have to let go. But I have been through a lot with this guy and I lovehim very much. I know he does love me but does not like being told what to do.
AAAAARRR!!! I am frustrated!!!.
Sorry this is so long. There is so much I could still say .....
M

February 27, 2006
10:31 pm
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sdesigns
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September 27, 2010
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Hi monq: I'm glad you found this site. Hopefully feedback will help you sort some things out.

These are only my opinions....

Your guy is not emotionally available to you. He is always involved somehow with other women. This will most likely NOT ever stop. I feel you must recognize this and decide if this is what you really want in your future. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change him. It is up to you what happens from this point on in YOUR life.

Also, I think it may be helpful to you to explore why you would be attracted to a man that treats you this way. Often times there are situations in our childhoods/ upbringing that draw us to people that do not have our best interests at heart. Take some time to focus on you and find out what you are all about.

We all deserve to be in healthy, loving relationships. But we don't always know how to accomplish that. Your guy doesn't seem capable of it.

SD

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