Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
From Hurt_so_bad: Need Advice Urgently.....talk about karma...
March 19, 2005
11:34 pm
Avatar
breakthecycle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
101sp_Permalink sp_Print

Wow, you go, sister! I love it!!

March 19, 2005
11:54 pm
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
102sp_Permalink sp_Print

heh heh heh heh

March 20, 2005
1:41 am
Avatar
breakthecycle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
103sp_Permalink sp_Print

the expression sh*tbag is what got me. funny. Why the hell do people like him get married anyway? Just to run you over? Geez.

March 20, 2005
2:31 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests
104sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hsb

I just wanted to say, I hope things are going well. I think time does help, and it's still relatively early days for most of us. I wonder how we will all feel ten years from now???!!! Even one year from now? (..Actually I'd rather not think of that..!!!)

Btc

I have just been rereading threads again, in light of a comment on another thread. And I noticed alot of what you wrote sounded soooooo familiar. Especially this:

"I see a thearapist, but sadly, I am too embarrassed to talk about this, even though it is my primary thought all the time."

I have weekly psychotherapy for anxiety and mild depression, which has plagued me for years. My therapist is wonderful and I can see positive results in my own behaviour now. BUT for weeks I did not mention the main cause of my suffering, which was the absolute obsessive thoughts and regrets over the loss of what I consider to be true love.

There are a couple of details I have not mentioned in my threads - which complicate the facts. I ended the relationship, then immediately regretted it, but something happened which put a stopper to this guy ever contacting me again, so I will never really know what his true feelings were/are..

Another thing you wrote:

"The saddest part is that I'm over here pining away and I just picture him going about his business, having fun, and I am LETTING myself sit here obsessing."

I do the same. I am trying to stop this, but it's too powerful. People tell me I am stronger than that, but I just can't get this guy out of my head. And the more I fantasise about what he's up to, the more elaborately I can picture him enjoying this incredible life with some one new. (Actually I just found out he broke u with his 'rebound' g/f-and for some reason this news was like music to my ears!)

You shouldn't worry about the card you sent, really. I know that sinking feeling when you *smack your forehead* and ask yourself "why did I do that?!" I sent a text to my ex, a couple of months ago (the last time I made contact) and for weeks I would literally wake in the night going "why, why?" I don't think about it as much now, I forgave myself, but I STILL think about him...

~love to you all, charlie~

March 20, 2005
3:10 am
Avatar
breakthecycle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
105sp_Permalink sp_Print

UG, Charlie!! Well, I actually emailed my therapist today (never done that) and asked her if I could send her some stuff to read before our session next week. I said that it was stuff I was embarrassed to verbalized but needed to be addressed. Either that or I could write something for her to read at the beginning of the session. She hasn't written back, but I am sure she will. I sure am getting smart, huh? At this point I am just so tired of always feeling like this over a guy that I am willing to lay it all out to FIX IT already before my eyes and my boobs totally droop and I am still young and viable and have all my wits for the RIGHT man. LOL. I'm 35, by the way. Mentally about 17 though. 🙂

I am not *glad* that you feel the same way, but I am glad we aren't alone and I hope it can get better for us. The first time this happened all full blown was about 15 years ago. I swear it took me at least 8 years to get over that one. But I got over it. In fact "that one" just called me the other day to say he heard a song and was thinking about me. That was the phone call I dreamed about for 8+ years!! Now, I didn't pick up and it took me days to call him back.

I am willing to put the time and effort in to FIX this. I want a healthy relationship.

Oh, and I have depression and anxiety also. Are we seperated at birth?

All I can say is that I am glad I have something to help me sleep now. Things were so bad when this all started going downhill last fall, I thought I was going to lose my mind, up all night freaking out.

OK, enough!! I really am going to bed. One more day closer to getting over it.

Oh, and for the record, this recent guy wasn't an asshole to me or mean or abusive (Like Mr. 8 years) or anything like that, just not having the same relationship that I was with him! I think he considers me at this point as someone he knows and hung out with a bit and to me he is my whole world. At least it feels that way! Occupying my mind, oh 85% of the time or so. So, I am making some progress, I guess.

Cheers!

March 20, 2005
3:45 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests
106sp_Permalink sp_Print

Btc

It's early morning here! Time to wake up and face another day. Amazingly, at least, I didn't dream about him again. When things were unbearable just post-breakup, I used to dream about him EVERY night. I have heard people say this, but had never experienced it before. It was so awful, because I didn't even get to 'escape' at night!!

What you did is brilliant. You are now starting to allow your therapist to really understand you-so that she can help you understand yourself. I wish you the best on that. You definitely did the right thing, by sharing. I found that once I was open about my relationship, (and the fact that even when was sitting there listening to my therapist, I was STILL thinking of 'him') - she and I clicked better, and I felt myself moving forward on all the other stuff, because one thing a therapist understands is obsession!!

I am 38, so I get the whole gravity thing!!! Which puts a whole different pressure on things. Of course it's all self-imposed!!

Although my ex was two years younger than me, his rebound g/f was older than me,(which again, pleased me a little bit!!) So the age thing is a whole wierd phenomenon...

Mr. 8 years probably thought about you alot more than you ever imagined!!! How about that!!? Must feel good to know that!!!

Sleep well..

And thanks..

~love charlie~

March 20, 2005
10:02 am
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
107sp_Permalink sp_Print

Good Morning Everyone,

Just finished reading all your posts on this thread.

We all have such similar issues with our ex's. But I must say, for the most part, we are sounding stronger as the days of no contact progress.

I thought about mine a few times yesterday, even though I was busy running errands, etc. The positive thing was that I thought about him, but I was able to take control and push his memory out of my mind before the memory reduced me to tears. That's gotta be a step in the right direction. I might point out that when he did pop into my mind, it was always of what we could have had. I guess I'm still fantasizing and projecting how our life together COULD have been, when in reality, I really have no clue how it would have turned out had we actually gotten married. So that tells me that I'm still romantizing about him, instead of looking at the relationship the way it really was.

Anyway, I hope we all have a great day today and continue our no contact one more day. It's been raining here, but I think I'll take a walk along the beach later on anyway. Exercise does seem to help clear the mind.

March 20, 2005
10:12 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests
108sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi hurts

Yes, hope you have a great day too!

I'm glad you started this thread, it brought up a few issues for me, and I am taking an even deeper look at my self.

I think romantizing is one of my biggest weaknesses too - it's such an easy path to wander down..... blue skies overhead, sweet smelling flowers bursting out either side....

What I keep asking myself is, what's it going to take to make me turn around and walk back to the main track?!!

~love and ((((hugs)))) charlie~

March 20, 2005
10:23 am
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
109sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi Charlie 🙂

Wish I could tell you how to turn off this constant "romantizing' we seem to do. I'm beginning to think that there's really not much we can do about it. We can try to distract ourselves every time thoughts like that start to overwhelm us, but really, I think that time will be our salvation on this matter. Over time, our memory of our ex's will have to get less and less, or at least be less hurtful to us.

I don't think we will be able to hold on to these memories forever, because most of them aren't "real"....only projections of how good things could have been.

When I try to think back about old boyfriends that I was "so in love with", I find it hard to remember sometimes as to what good times we had, or bad times for that matter. Maybe I'm blocking the memories out, but I really don't think so. I can look back on those relationships and remember them as "friends" - not lovers.

What do you think? Does that make sense? Or am I doing more wishful thinking? lol 🙂

March 20, 2005
10:33 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests
110sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hurts!!!

Alot of sense!!! : )

I hope you are right!!

But.......because of the impact of the intensity that this relationship brought to me, I think to an extent I have blocked everything else out.
I have thought that I was in love, with guys I have dated before I got married, but I look back now, and cannot ever remember anything remotley on this scale. I do remember them all, but in a selective way, I suppose, so I can't be sure if, for me, the same will happen with this situation.

Only time will tell, I guess!!!!

~love charlie~

March 20, 2005
10:58 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
111sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi Hurts,

Good for you. I am so proud of the progress you are making. I have been praying for you ever since our last post a few days back. Keep yourself busy, fatacy is normal part of it. So do not feel guilty, actually we all do.

Keep up the great work, I will keep praying for you, get us updated.

Love,

Rasputin

March 20, 2005
2:20 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
112sp_Permalink sp_Print

Thanks for the prayers Rasputin. They're definitely helping....please keep praying for me. I keep you in my prayers as well.

I'm praying that you and your friend will one day soon get together. 🙂

March 20, 2005
2:28 pm
Avatar
breakthecycle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
113sp_Permalink sp_Print

good afternoon..

HSB, I am so jealous that you have a beach!! It is hot and sunny here today though.

I, too, romanticize. Sometimes about how it "could have been", sometimes about the fantastic reunion we are going to have, sometimes about the cold rejection I will give him when he does finally contact me. Whatever.

I must admit something...*hangs head*

I emailed some really funny stuff this morning to a BUNCH of people. I included him. But it was impersonal. And funny. Bad? Maybe. But I am feeling pretty realistic. I do hope I can mend things with him in some way - EVENTUALLY. I realize that I am not (yet!) equipped to deal with any sort of romantic relationship right now, not with him, or anyone else. He's not out to get me, he doesn't want to hate me, I know that. I project all these foul things onto him, along with the good.

Ok, so I am weak. 🙂 And I will admit that I am fantasizing that he is going to be here (home) for Easter and will call me. The day before easter is the one year "anniversary" of when we met. In a perfect world it would all work out.

Wait, didn't I just say, I am not equipped to be with ANYONE!?! See, i need help.

All the exes that were jerks to me eventually started kissing my ass. The one before this one, long term, real jerk, calls me all the time to tell me what an idiot he was and how great I am, blah blah. He is the king of too little too late. It makes me feel good though. Mr. 8 years, too. I was just too intense from the get-go with all of them. Now I just have to re-learn the way I deal with men and relationships. It will be a haul, but I think I can do it.

Good luck to everyone today! I have already f-ed up for the day, don't you too!

Cheers!

March 20, 2005
2:40 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests
114sp_Permalink sp_Print

Btc

A funny e-mail is allowable (I think!!), it's not like you wrote stuff about you and him. So lift your head up high again!!

Just read your thread, and the others. I was thinking about the fact that we are trying so hard to put these guys out of our minds. It's a bit like trying to run away while we are stuck in quicksand!!

You say you fantasise too about the percieved relationship, and less about the reality of it. So I don't know if you've seen the movie 'Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' where Jim Carey's character decides to wipe all memory of his ex, but during the process he realises that he would rather keep them, even though they hurt. He wanted to keep just one particular one..

Just wondering if it is actually the better of two evils- to have all these memories and thoughts, rather than to have none??

Which one memory would you keep??

~love charlie~

March 20, 2005
2:46 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
115sp_Permalink sp_Print

breakthecycle - hey you, don't be so hard on yourself. You haven't messed up today 🙂 You included him on your list of addresses for sending jokes. There was nothing personal about that email. Don't beat yourself up. You're doing just fine!

I know that we CAN succeed with this NO CONTACT resolution if we all stick together and keep encouraging each other on a daily basis. And if one of us falters (and I'm sure we ALL will sooner or later) the rest of us will be here to say "it's okay....tomorrow is a new day"....

I really mean that. I have confidence that there is hope. And believe me, I have been on this emotional rollecoaster for almost a year, but slowly, I am seeing a difference on how I deal with my emotions and yes, - setbacks.

So hang in there, breakthecycle - you are a wonderful person.....you will conquer this. I promise 🙂

March 20, 2005
3:12 pm
Avatar
GullyFoyle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
116sp_Permalink sp_Print

Yeah, don't worry about the email. He probbly could care less. Unless it was really really funny. In which case, he probably read it.

And the perfect world inside your head fantasy is good, sometimes. Using mental imagery can help you work through problems, find out the things that you want, Heck, "try" on those things to see if they work. It also helps to work out things mentally, like all the different ways to respond to things. That way, life doesn't catch you by surprise.

You aren't weak! The mere fact that you are honestly confronting you issues shows me that you are a strong person. Weak people do not work on this stuff. You should be proud.

You are doing fine. Just keep it up.

Gully

March 20, 2005
3:39 pm
Avatar
breakthecycle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
117sp_Permalink sp_Print

Yay! Adctually the emails weren't forwarded jokes or anything. One was original humor by moi, I am sure he would think it was funny and the other was my favorite, hilarious easter themed web site - http://www.peepresearch.org/surgery.html

I send it out every year, its SO FUNNY!

Also, have you guys seen http://www.angryalien.com? Check it out, you'll be cracking up. and also, http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/ which is kind of mean, but oh so funny.

Thanks everyone. Its an awesome day. Sorry HSB, I feel like I hijacked your deal.

I hope you guys like the websites.

If he doesn't conact me about the emails or the card, I don't care, I just hope he laughs. 🙂 I am being very chill today.

As long as I don't start thinking about which memory to keep...

Have a sunny day!!

Cheers!

March 20, 2005
3:42 pm
Avatar
breakthecycle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
118sp_Permalink sp_Print

oh, yeah, two things

on angryalien, you have to watch the "30 Seconds Bunny Theater"

and

Charlie, ESOSM was a movie he really liked, but I never saw it. I think he has his own similar issues to ours regarding an ex gf. He made a like, 10 word, statement once that was very telling. And hey, you know what? I can't be her for him, I can only be me and that is no one's fault, just like no one can be him for me.

March 20, 2005
3:45 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests
119sp_Permalink sp_Print

Yeah, sorry about that! I was trying to beat the memories at their own game, so to speak!! The words 'not the time, not the place' spring to mind!!

Will check out those websites!! : )

~love charlie~

March 20, 2005
11:17 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
120sp_Permalink sp_Print

breakthecycle - no need to apologize. Hope you'll have a great day tomorrow 🙂

March 21, 2005
7:17 am
Avatar
ntheprocess
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
121sp_Permalink sp_Print

I recognize myself in all of these posts. Trueintuition thanks for your post; they have strengthened the resolve that I have already made. See "Beginning the Process", it tells where I am at. I too have been obssesive about relationships at the expense of myself. When I am in a relationship, I lose/neglect myself for the relationship. I have gotten beyond the contact, longing etc for my last relationship, however I have just begun the process of learning why I do these things and have begun the process of self love. I have chosen not to be in a relationship at this time because I will do the same things that I've done in the past. Until I have fully dealt with the issues that have caused me to be this way in the first place.

I wish the best for you hurt_so_bad and all the others. For me, it is no longer an option to be involved in a relationship in which I am not honored, respected, and loved.

ntheprocess

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
48 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109389

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

dflzDazy, rjycnfynbysxDazy, gapVar, vbnifDazy, dbnirfDazy, nfkbyfDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer