Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
From Hurt_so_bad: Need Advice Urgently.....talk about karma...
March 17, 2005
3:36 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HSB,
He has been divorced twice ?? Hello !
Let's just get back to the task at hand.
Cut him loose, delete any numbers mails, pictures, old socks anything and everything.
Most importantly is now you need to spend some time with some friends these next few weeks. At night is when your going to want to call, that's the time to call your friends. It's normal that your going to think about it but, don't let your thoughts controll your actions. I'm telling you that you have done all you can do. You must believe yourself. I thought the Germans were tough, you must be to.

March 17, 2005
3:41 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition:

I hear you. Apparently I didn't inherit the tough attitude. But it seems I've acquired the stubborness germans are famous for...lol

Damn - it gets me so mad that I'm such a wimp when it comes to him....and the funny part is when I really think about it - when we first met I wasn't even that crazy about him.....what the hell is wrong with me? Now I act like he's god's gift to women -- which he DEFINITELY IS NOT!

I just can't believe I'm going through such drama at my age.....geez

March 17, 2005
3:50 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We go through drama at any age, look at some of these other posts.
You did not inherit the tough attitude but, did you inherit the ability to drink the beer the Germans are famous for. I've always admired that, they always seem to have so much fun when drinking. Not to mention bratwersts, man I love brats.
I hope I"m not stereotyping Germans.
Getting back to your situation,
We want what we can't have. I've met girls that are not that great but, the moment there not giving me the attention my competitive drive kicks in and then I must have her. It's a challenge.

March 17, 2005
3:57 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition:

I suppose most men are like that --- ignore them and it sparks their interest. I hate games! Why do you guys find that such a challenge? What's the purpose?

As for beer, yeah, I enjoy it and I definitely love brats! You have good taste....lol.

March 17, 2005
4:21 pm
Avatar
rock bottom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey True and Hurts--

Just checked in quickly and True--you are great! Please help me too--your sense of humor does change perspective. Guess what? Mine's been married twice too and isn't divorced from #2 and engaged to #3! He's Polish. I'm not. Nor German, nor Canadian.

I need my butt constantly kicked right now as well.

Hurts--

His fiance is an alcoholic. She's also not German, nor Canadian, but Polish. I love beer though and I HATE WITHDRAWAL from love addiction. It sucks. And yes, True, why do men play these stupid games with us? Mine wasn't even just after sex 'cause we haven't had it in a year.

I'm caught up in getting revenge too but I will not. Neither will you. It is very unattractive, I've heard. I almost sent the fiance every email he sent me which I've saved. As recent as a few weeks ago. I think of all kinds of stuff at night just to get to him for hurting me so very much.

I do feel that he needs to take responsibility for this, and he will not. And there is nothing I can do to force him to. I actually lied for him to the fiance--told her we were just friends. That killed me.

WHEN THE PAIN IT TAKES TO HOLD ON IS GREATER THAN THE PAIN IT TAKES TO LET GO, IT IS ENOUGH....

I read that several times a day. It helps.

Love and Hugs,
Rock

March 17, 2005
4:34 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The game,
I can only speak for myself about this. I play, have played the game because of my need/desire for attention. Maybe I did not get enough from my mom, but, that's a whole diferent issue. I love the attention, maybe too much because I know I have hurt people in the past just to get my share of their attention. Recent events have taught me a tough lesson and I'm changing my ways.
Revenge is very unatractive and guess what, it's a short lived satisfaction. Real satisfaction comes from being strong. How do we get strong ?? We exercise. A good exercise here is being able to get back up after being knocked down.
Lies get us nowhere.

March 17, 2005
5:03 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HSB,

I enjoyed so much the conversation between you and trueintuition and rockbottom.

The best thing you can do is to forgive your BF & wish him all the best. Do Not seek revenge! I will say this again. Do Not seek revenge!!! It will only harm You, not him.

If this man is the right man, he will appreciate you. You have been putting up with his jerky behavior for I don't know how long? He does not seem to be sensitive or thoughtful.

Also, purchase the book "Boundaries in Dating", by Dr. Henry Cloud. It is an excellent book, which I knew about from this site.

This book outlines the criterias we should look for when we look for Mr. Right. It is a really good book and I learned a lot from it!

Love,

Rasputin

March 17, 2005
5:04 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition -I'd say I'm pretty insecure right now too, but I don't go around playing games with men. But then maybe it's different with women. Women need to feel some type of love in order to have sex (most of them anyway)while men on the other hand look at sex just as sex.....no love or feelings needed.

All I want is someone who respects me, wants to grow old together and doesn't feel the need to play games. Is that so much to ask for? Are there such men? And if there are, where are they hiding?

Rock - thanks for sharing that quote....it sure makes sense....but the question is: will I ever realize that I've had enough pain? Sometimes I wonder....

March 17, 2005
5:13 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Rasputin:

I know I'm being totally petty wishing to get revenge. While I obviously can't get revenge, no matter how much I wish it upon him, I cannot wish him well either. He has done me wrong. We were planning a life together and then from one day to the next - poof - he decides he isn't ready for a commitment. Excuse me? It took him over a year to realize that? Why didn't he bring it up earlier? We could have discussed his fears. I would've waited until he was "ready". We could have just continued the way we were....but no, he chose to lead me on and lie about the way he felt. I'm sorry, but there's no excuse for that.

Maybe in year or two, I might be able to wish him well,,,,,but not until I get rid of all this pain he has caused me. He has effectively ruined my life this past year and I'll I got in the way of an apology was "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." Yeah, right.

March 17, 2005
5:22 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Honey, you have EVERY right to your pain. I am not saying no to this. But revenge. Think about it. What is the payoff. It will Only hurt You not him. When we forgive others; we ourselves get healed which is a very big step.

Do not worry, what goes around comes around; the pain he gave to you; he will taste it some day who knows perhaps soon. Yes, he led you on and cheated on you. Let God be the one who seeks revenge for you, not you. Trust Him!!! I know probably that you are angry at God. We all do in those ordeals and trials, but submit this situation to Him & trust Him to get even for you.

March 17, 2005
5:25 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Rasputin, I know what you're saying. But right now, I can't honestly say that I can see that it would hurt me....I think it would make me feel a whole lot better.

LOL...I am sounding extremely bitter. But I'm not angry at God anymore.....

March 17, 2005
5:54 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Revenge is deceptive. That is the scary thing about it. You have every rihgt for your feelings. Go through the grieving processs.

No, you do not sound pathetic. Your reaction is quite normal. But do not let your bitterness get the best of you.

The best thing to do to get rid of bitterness, is to do something good for someone who is more needy or depressed than you.

I heard many counselors say that including Dr. Phil. Try that Hurts, I am also praying for you to be healed and also I am praying for God to show you his will toward this man, if he is the right one for you.

could you do me a favor, Could you pray for me and my male friend to see if we are the right match of each other?

Thank you in advance & I love you,

March 17, 2005
6:05 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Absolutely Rasputin. I will say a prayer for you every day! Maybe if we say enough prayers, God will give both of us an answer.

I can sense, that even though you are getting along fine without this man of yours, you still love him very much. And I would bet that you are still clinging to the hope that maybe someday he'll come back to you. Am I right? I have to say I admire you for the way you seem to be handling your pain. You're able to go on with your life, yet, you still love this man. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. I only hope that someday I will reach the point where you're at....loving him, yet not hurting more.

Let's keep posting to each other....I feel very close to you 🙂

March 17, 2005
6:23 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you. I feel the same thing toward you. I think because our personality is the same.

Anyway, I met this guy in park end of June 2003. He was sitting beside me reading a book. I was reading a book as well. Then he initiated a conversation. We ended up going to closest Restaurant. He ivited me since it was rainy day. At the end of this day, he gave me his phone no. at home and in office. What I liked about this man is his honesty. On that date we knew so many things about each other. He is a man of the world (Money, power, sex, cigarettes); and I am the opposite (Jesus, prayers)lol.

Anyway, We only sew each other or went out 3 or 4 times. He is not good communicator. I have been praying for him, and sew changes in him. Within few months, he stopped smoking.

To be continued.

I just need some break, will continue soon.LOL

March 17, 2005
6:43 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This man has issues and baggage from his past.He comes from dysfunctional family, just like me.

I try not to say I have feelings for him, cause I don't know if God will say yes or no about him and me.

So, once he confessed to me that he did not like his job. He worked as Manager. I promised to pray for him. Within less than One year; he lost his job. I learned about this when we met by coincidence in the same park in Sept 2004. He really looked depressed and had low self-esteem. I told him then that I was praying for him.

Right now, he is living with a gf. I think his gf is co-dep. She is too sweet, shy and jealous. I also have a feeling that he does not love her. He is using her for sex.

HSB, this man and I have Never made love to each other, even though we are both attracted to each other. This time, I was very mature and wise lady like I have never been before. I really pray to God on daily basis. Jesus is my best friend. When Jesus is your best friend, no matter what temptation, what sexy-looking guy you have, He can give you power to resist him.

I can see the potential in my friend, I can see God moving in his life. Right now there is no contact between us (it is amazing), a year and 1/2 ago, I was just like you, very obsessed, frantic, calling him, going to his place, knoking on his door like nuts.

Now, all this has stopped, thru spiritual discipline, prayers and fasting. I submitted the whole situation to the Lord!!!

What do you think, Is my friend worth the trouble, do you think he is changing??? Can you see the potentials in him???? Please be honest, I like honesty!!!

Love,

March 17, 2005
7:10 pm
Avatar
rock bottom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TrueIntuition--

What you said sparked my interest in that I have been doing quite a bit of research on this thing called Love Addiction. I am now aware that I am an addict, and have seen similar patterns with men my entire adult life.

This time, though, really knocked the wind out of my sails. Like all of us, I have been hurt before, but not this way. Not to have someone for 2 1/2 years in my life and like Hurt says, "poof" he's gone, only to resurface weeks or months later.

I have played the same game for attention. Wanting what I know I cannot have, wanting the challenge, the excitement, the drama and the chaos. The "nice guys" are boring to me. This man is a "bad boy made good" ...think James Dean (if you are old enough!) Anyway, my mom also neglected to give me the attention and positive feedback I so needed, and I have since looked for validation from men that I am worthy, attractive, and lovable. I'm working on recovering from this daily and the first step is awareness. I don't need a man to tell me that == I know it.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

Hurt-

I know how you are feeling about the revenge thing. I went through it and made lists and drove myself crazy thinking what I would do.

It will not draw him to you. It will do nothing for you, it really won't. I am trying so hard to forgive this guy for what he's done. When I say forgive, I don't mean telling him what he did was OK. I mean finding it in my heart and moving on. Easier said than done, I know. But I choose not to remember what he and I had with anger and resentment and bitterness. I am choosing to remember the good times, to hope that someday I will find that feeling with the right man, and most importantly, to MOVE ON and start focusing on myself instead of him.

That's my two cents for tonight...it sounds like you and I have been through a very similar situation and I have dealt with this from him for awhile now and not this way. I've come to realize that this is the ONLY WAY. We cannot control another's actions, we can only control our reactions....

Hang in there sweetie. It gets easier. I wish I could fast forward three years too, by the way!

HUGS,
Rock

March 17, 2005
7:12 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think he does have potential. I think it's romantic that you guys never actually made love, yet you are so much in love with him. Has he ever expressed his feelings for you? Has he tried to contact you?

Personally, I think that anytime you love someone, they are definitely worth the trouble, until of course, they do something to hurt you.

March 17, 2005
7:20 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Rock - the problem with thinking about the good times is that if I did that today, I would break down and cry....it would make me way too sad. That's part of the reason I have to remember how hurtful he was to me....just so I can get through a day without crying.

I hope that eventually I will be able to forgive,,,,,but today and probably for the near future - I want him to hurt the way I do.

Can't help myself...

March 17, 2005
7:29 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well we both come from dysfunctional families. I have gone thru the healing process. His strated when I started praying for him.

He is not a good communicator. Right now, I do not think he has PC, due to his situation. On my birhtday, he invited me out to Vietnamese Restaurant and bought small chocolate cake and we came back to celebrate my birthday at my place, and he stayed there till midnite, without even touching my hand or even kissing me on my cheek. It was I who kissed him on his both cheeks and put my hand on his back to thank him for his generosity and kindness. Can you believe that? A man like him who I imagine slept with so many women. On that day, I remember when we were coming back, he told me that he was attracted to me.

HSB, why don't you try to pray for your friend. Just give it a shot. You never know, God can work miracles!!!

You know, I wrote a thread about my friend asking men's opinion here. They all had the same answer as you. I do not know what to do. I continue to pray for my friend as a friend not lover.

March 17, 2005
7:47 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh Rasputin - that is so nice that he took you out for your birthday 🙂 He must care for you even though he's living with a g/f. But the fact that he didn't try anything sexual, is a sure sign he thinks of you as something much more. That's awesome.

What did you mean when you said I should pray for my friend? Pray for what exactly?

I pray that God will make my friend see what he has given up and maybe give us another chance....but so far obviously my prayers haven't been answered. I pray that he give me a sign as to whether or not I should keep trying....yet, no sign. Unless of course, I just can't see it.

But as for you, Rasputin, I think I would keep going the path you're going on. Leave the possibility open that you and your friend might have a future someday. You seem so at peace with this, that I'm sure it will work out for you and your friend. Don't you think that God would have given you a different direction by now if that wasn't the case?

March 17, 2005
7:50 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Rasputin - It's almost time for me to call it a day. I'll be back on later tonite after I get home. Hope to continue this discussion then.

Love and Hugs,
Hurts 🙂

March 17, 2005
8:00 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He invited my on my birthday the year before, that means in 2003, before he was living with this girl.

I do not accept to date men who have gf. I think it's not right, it's cheating.

As for you, ya sure you can pray for your friend whatever you want to be fixed with him. For instance, if he treats you unfairly, or hurts you, pray that God will open his heart to the truth, kindness, justice etc, and that he will realize that you are the right person and starts to appreciate you not depreciate you.

Honey, when you pray, they are prayers that get answered right away; others that take time, like healing from bondage to for example: sex, money, addiction to whatever....
So, do not give up. Patience is a virtue missed in our society. God can be as quick as a horse; or as slow as a turtle when it comes to answering our prayer. We really have to be patient and wait upon Him for as long as it takes.

As for my friend, again, its thru my spiritual discipline I am managing to release him totally to the Lord. I am satistfied in whatever outcome the Lord has for me. Believe me I have never beeb happier in my life. I have no more stress in this area!

I pray for you that you will have this peace that passes all understanding!

March 17, 2005
8:21 pm
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HSB & Rock Bott.....I did not have the courage and strength when he dumped me the 1st time around. I was putty in his hands every time he contacted me saying he still loved me and was still "finding himself" and wanted us to talk soon. That was his famous fucking word "soon". I knew the whole time he was bedding many women, and yet when he was ready for me back, I took him. Like a moth to a pathetic flame.

This time my strength came from how much I was being destroyed from the inside when we got back together. All his lying and cheating and just his plain disregard for me made me ill.

I knew all his sick little secrets which I told no one, not even a best friend. So when he toyed with me this time and dumped my ass AGAIN saying he needed to find himself more (Meaning he was banging someone else) I knew the ONLY way I would not fall victim to him again was to tell his secrets.
Don't think I was not scared. Don't think I didn't want him to say "sorry I made a HUGe msitake and come back"

I just knew one thing....and it was not courage or strength, I just knew I had to survive. Call it a survival instinct. Once his secrets were out, he would not have the BALLS to even play his sick game with me anymore and try to contact me.
I knew NO CONTACT was the only way I was going to get out of this alive.

When you are "drowning" God offers you a boat, if you do not take this boat you will drown....EVERYONE takes the boat cause no one wants to die.

I took the boat and now I am alive. Hurt, but alive.

So if this is courage, then you all have it too :- )

HSB...Take the boat.

By the way, I am Canadian and am not very laid back...hahaha

TrueIntuition....Not happy that you've been hurt, but glad you see the other side. You sound like a wise man and I love your posts

March 17, 2005
9:06 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

peacesoul,

Read my story how I met my friend, tell me what you think honestly about it.

Waiting for your answer.

March 17, 2005
11:20 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi guys,

I went to dinner with a girlfriend tonite and we talked about men of course, but I had a good time....we laughed and acted silly.

Rasputin - I still think that you are lucky in that you have a very strong spirituality going for you and that helps you stay strong and committed. I truly wish I knew how to really pray to God and know what to look for while I"m waiting for him to guide me. I'm totally lost in that area. I pray every night, but obviously I'm doing something wrong. I can't believe God would want me to go through such hard times in the romance department. I'm a good person and the Bible does say that "ask and you shall receive", but somehow that doesn't seem to apply to me. I'm not asking for anything unreasonable - only that I have a chance at happiness with someone that I want to grow old with.

Sigh....I know I need to have patience, but it's hard. I've been waiting for so long.

peace - sounds like in the end you did get your revenge...lol

I'm glad that you're strong enough now to be able to let go and get a little satisfaction from showing him whose in control.

Overall, today hasn't been to bad. I had a real strong urge to write him only once today....but I didn't. I just kept posting on here and had some very good conversations. Gave me a lot to think about.

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
52 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109387

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

gapVar, vbnifDazy, dbnirfDazy, nfkbyfDazy, leoniaDazy, andrejjpasko2

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer