Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
From Hurt_so_bad: Need Advice Urgently.....talk about karma...
March 17, 2005
8:10 am
Avatar
kc30
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

good for you hurts...and doesn't it feel sort of good to be able to be the one who isn't responding now? I know...petty thoughts but whatever gets you through the day! šŸ™‚

Please don't respond...you'll feel so much better if you don't!!

March 17, 2005
8:25 am
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HSB.....DO NOT RESPOND ! IT will only prolong the pain and keep that toxic door open.

When my ex contacted me last year after he dumped me for 3 months, I responded and took him back. It was THE worst decision I ever made. I stayed with him one more year before he dumped my ass again 2 months ago.

They are like cats with a bird in their mouths, they will toy with us and play with us until they are ready to kill us for good.

And yes you are having a hard time getting over him because he dumped you. The ego is a hard thing to heal.

March 17, 2005
9:04 am
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If I may,
It sounds like everyone is in agreement here.
I'm in the same situation and I want to use everyones advice to help me, thank you.
Now, being the man that I am I want to say something. I have in the past dated more than one woman at a time and that made it very easy for me not to get to close to any one girl. This man has not emailed you because he is seeing someone else, posibly more than one. I know that my sting a bit but, come on. Do you really want to be one of the chicks he's dating ??
I didn't think so.
When a girl gave me the attention it let me know that I had her wraped. I could say or do anything and because I was dating others it did not matter if she walked away or not. You know the saying, we want what we can't have.
You must be thinking how shallow I must be and I just would like to say that Karma has finally caught up to me.
I'm telling you that no contact is best for you. Cut this man loose. His time will come.

March 17, 2005
11:12 am
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition - Thanks a lot for your input. I appreciate a man's point of view. I know he's seeing at least one person. I don't want to be "the other one". I don't like sharing. And you're right, he probably doesn't worry too much about my reactions, because, like you said, he still has someone else.

By the way, I don't think your shallow. It sounds like you have learned your lesson. I just hope that he will experience some of the pain I had to go through. What goes around, comes around....and I hope he suffers.....that's mean, I know, but he deserves it.

Charlie - I'm afraid to write back...it might start something that will end up hurting me yet again. I think by him writing me and me not responding is better for my "ego" if you will, in that it tells him that I chose not to continue.....I made the decision -- not him. Does that make sense?

sdesigns - Good for you -- changing your e-mail. I'm not that courageous yet, but hopefully soon I'll be able to erase all phone numbers and email addresses for him. That's my goal anyway. I'm still trying hard to resist.....but I have to stop writing. I know that. Just keep telling me that - okay? šŸ™‚

kc30 and peacesoul - Thanks for the encouragement and giving me reasons not to write. I need to hear this stuff over and over again until it finally sinks in. I'm so glad you guys are here for me during my time of need. šŸ™‚

March 17, 2005
11:17 am
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

by the way, no contact means no contact.
Delete his phone numbers, throw that crap in the trash. Erase his email contact info. Try blocking it. When he writes he'll get a returned email notice and that will really get him going. It'll boost your ego for sure but, be carefull. Don't do this for your ego do it because you need to move on and
DO IT NOW !! RIGHT NOW !!!

March 17, 2005
11:29 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

hurts!!!!

Yes, I do understand! I think what I meant to say was to make any reply, a final act - a coup de grace. But I can see everyone's point; not responding is itself, the final act.

Hope things are going well! : )

~love charlie~

March 17, 2005
11:41 am
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition - I know what you're saying, and I agree with you. I think the "no Contact means no Contact" rule has FINALLY sunk in. But as far as hitting that "delete" button, I think I'm still using that as a safety net.....can't quite bring myself to do that just yet. Don't get me wrong, the intellectual part of me wants to, the emotional side says "no". I still have to struggle with that.

Charlie - If you've been reading all of my posts, you know that I go back and forth on this no contact rule. But this time - I think it finally sunk in. I can't possibly be friends with him even though that's what he would like....but whenever we tried, the flirting started, etc. and it was just really hard for me to keep things in perspective. I'd start imagining feelings that weren't there on his part.

March 17, 2005
12:17 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

hurts

Yes, that would be rough- I still day dream about the possibility of my ex having feelings for me. And yet he has not responded at all, so I can well imagine how it would be for you, if things got complicated again.

So it sounds like you have found your peace on this-and that's something huge to be celebrated, because you've survived, and walked away your roller coaster ride!!! Can you sell me a ticket??!!

~love charlie~

March 17, 2005
12:34 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Charlie - I wish I knew for a fact that I was totally off the rollercoaster ride. I've been off for 2 days....but this day isn't over yet...lol

What I mean is that yes, I hope and pray I've found peace with this...but it's like any addiction - you take one day at a time. What happens if he writes again? Will I get weak? I just don't know.

March 17, 2005
12:42 pm
Avatar
rock bottom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Everyone--

I just wanted to say that I am going through the same situation (seems like lots of us are!) and Hurts, the only solution is really no contact.

My ex who is now engaged and STILL contacted me is the one I'm trying to break my addiction to. We stop contact--he ignores me for a month or so and then writes and sucks me right back in. We've tried to be friends but it becomes more than that (at least via emails and phone) and it has been killing me.

I finally wrote him an email the other night just letting him know how his actions made me feel. Not to come back, just to let him know. I will not get a response, the man is a coward, and although I feel as if I am in love with him I have to accept that he is gone and take care of ME.

I went through the exact same things--obsessive emails and texts, and I am getting better with it. I've stopped finally.

Try not to respond. Let HIM wonder why and what you are thinking. Please believe me I know how hard that is. I haven't deleted anything either--cannot bring myself to yet. Hopefully I will get there. Don't think a year is that long--I've been trying to remove myself and heal for at least that long.

Peacesoul--

I loved your analogy to the cat with the bird in it's mouth. That's exactly what it's like.

Hugs to everyone,

Rock

March 17, 2005
1:06 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Rockbottom - Boy, do I know that feeling of being sucked right back in. My ex isn't engaged, but he has someone he "spends a lot of time with", whatever that means.

I'm sorry you're going through this rollercoaster ride. I can so relate to how you're feeling. But it sounds like you're steps ahead of me. I hope you'll remain as strong as you sound right now and not give in to him anymore. I have been reading your posts on the Alegab thread and boy, I feel for you. Especially having to deal with the fact that he's engaged!!! That's gotta hurt BIG TIME. But maybe if he doesn't respond to you after your last e-mail - maybe then with time, your pain will lessen and eventually you'll move on.

I can't even bring myself to ask him to stop contacting me....HE MIGHT DO IT!!! LOL....how pathetic is that?
But seriously - I am trying really, really hard this time to stop any and all contact. I know now that this is the only way to go. But it hurts.....

March 17, 2005
1:07 pm
Avatar
peacesoul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HSB...I was so detroyed when my ex dumped me for the 2nd time, I swore that he was never EVER going to toy with me.

I deleted EVERYTHING about him from computer, cell etc....How I get over it, is no contact like they never existed. This works for me.

Stop letting yourself be detroyed by this jerk-off.
Don't even wonder what he's thinking by you not replying. That still gives him the power. Who cares whether he's wondering, laughing, shrugging it off...no matter how he feels or reacts to you not responding will NOT help in your recovery.

I never chased an ex, but this past ex contacted me quite a bit the first time we broke up (a yr ago) and for the entire 3 months I was DEVASTATED every time he emailed me. I swore to never let ANYONE ever make me feel that awful yucky feeling again.

When he dumped me he wanted to be friends..hahah...friends. Like what if I need help moving friends...What an idiot !
So this time when he dumped me I closed all doors...I made sure I emailed his family to tell them of his secret life. Harsh and mean I know, but I knew this was going to be the ONLY way he would leave me alone for good.

Do something harsh, that may help you get him away from you for good.

He's cancer...get rid of him !!

March 17, 2005
1:12 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

God, I wish I could be as strong as you are peacesoul -- but I can't -- not yet.

I have to take baby steps I guess. At least I'm pretty strong in my conviction NOT to contact him, which is a start.

March 17, 2005
1:23 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HSB,
You mentioned safety net. Please explain what your safety net is.
I'm telling you, delete everything. There is nothing he can do for you now. If he liked you he never would have let you go. You say you want to be strong well guess what, you are !!
How big is a baby step ??
I just hate seeing people do this, I've done, it's been done to me and the only way to break the chain is for you to take action. You know what makes a person attractive ?? Confidence, being able to walk away from a bad situation.

March 17, 2005
1:39 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition:

"If he liked you he never would have let you go" - I will have to remember that and engrave it on my brain! I like the way you put that. Thanks!

What I meant by "safety net" is just having the knowledge that I still can or could contact him in the future if I wanted too gives me a certain level of comfort. I know what you're going to say: "Why would I want to?" I guess I'm just weak still and I can't get it through my head that it's totally over, done, finished! I know it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Why would he play these stupid games and actually want to be friends knowing how hard it is on me and keep making innuendos about seeing me? I honestly thought I knew him better than that. He always seemed so compassionate, honest......guess he fooled me, or maybe I just build up his ego to the point of no return. I do tend to be way too nice....that's why I always get hurt in the end.

March 17, 2005
1:51 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for beeing nice, there is nothing wrong with that.
The game is being played because you have not ended it yet. Games don't need a winner, they just need to be ended. Of course his ego is pumped, I told you I've been there. I've done it. I pray many nights to be forgiven. But, I could never play the game with a girl who ends the game. You probably want closure, he's not going to give it to you. The cool thing is now your in control, you can close this up right now. Trust me, he'll do it again and again.

March 17, 2005
2:01 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition -

Why bother playing the game when he's got someone that he's spending so much time with? He must be playing her for a fool too. If he was serious about her he certainly wouldn't bother playing or could men be that shallow?

But you're right, I do want closure from that jerk. And sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to keep trying until I get that closure from him. He owes me that much. But then reality sets in, and I know I'll probably never get that from him. I have got to stop the contact.

Either way you look at it - he ends up ahead. He didn't have to go through the pain of trying to let go; he already has someone else....that kind of leaves me holding the bag.... The only satisfaction I have right now is knowing that if I remain strong, I will have been the one in control by ending it.....but it still doesn't seem enough

March 17, 2005
2:16 pm
Avatar
rock bottom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Hurts--

To answer your question "why play the game when he has someone he is spending time with?" My "EX" was living with this girl when we got involved 2 1/2 years ago. He has played the push and pull game with me the entire time, then got engaged in October and didn't tell me to keep me as Plan B, I suppose. SHE told me, when she called me, after reading an erotic text he sent. For their ego, that's why.

I had managed almost a month of no contact - same time frame as you--Jan. 26---then he emailed me on Feb. 11 how much he missed me, blah blah...we then spoke every day, made plans to get together, and mind you he and I had not been "intimate" in a year! He has told me he loves both of us and it's bullshit because if he loved me really he wouldn't be causing this much pain and acting like such an ass.

I will be back on later--I'm at work unfortunately...

Peacesoul I want your courage.
TrueIntuition you are so right about confidence.

HUGS,
Rock

March 17, 2005
2:16 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's never enough. I mentioned earlier in another post that we as Americans can never have enough. We are so god damn competitive and this is what happens. Think about what you said. He's got someone else he's spending time with, I'm certain that he does and yes, one day she's going to be in your position. That's the kind of person he is. I promise you one day he will meet his match, and some woman will bring him to his knees, chew him up and send home to momy crying his little eyes out like a sad puppy. Girls can have that effect some times.
Do you want a man who can be true or do you want a man who will call on you whenever he's not getting any from someone else ?? You said he's ending up ahead, that's bullshit because he's not getting you !!
You can close this right now !!!
Your done, go wash your hands of this.

March 17, 2005
2:46 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition -

May I just say that you are very good for my ego šŸ™‚ He isn't getting me, so really, he's the one that lost.

I do hope you're right about him getting what he deserves one of these days. Guess right now, I'm still too wrapped up in getting revenge of sorts because I'm still so hurt by what he did.

Bottom line is he's not worth it....nobody is. I am so angry right now, after talking about this, that I want to write him the nastiest letter....but I won't. I'll write it and save it as a draft only.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me that I can do this "no contact" thing. I know you're right...I have to let go and I am trying. Day 3 so far......wish I could fast-forward to 3 years....lol

I hope you'll stick around and keep kicking my butt to wash my hands of him (as you so nicely put it). I need all the encouragement and support I can get.

Thanks....you're really helping me a lot.

Rock Bottom - I will never understand men and or women who like to date more than one person at a time or play games for that matter. It seems so hurtful to me. Either you like someone and be happy to spend time with them and only them - or you stop seeing them. What is so hard about that?

I tried dating more than one once - it was a disaster. My feelings were so confused. How can you ever find "the one" if you're constantly playing games? I just don't get it.

We need to find a way to protect ourselves from people like that.

March 17, 2005
2:49 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition -- By the way, you mentioned that you recently moved back to the States in one of your other posts....what country did you live in?

I'm European myself, so I know that the culture can be quite different than here.

March 17, 2005
2:58 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I lived in Japan for 2 years.
I learned alot about patients and respect to people. The Japanese are trully the masters of peace. Yes, they do fight and get uptight every now and then but, on the whole, they have the ability to just be nice and when bad things happen they can certainly let it go. It's a very passive culture.
By the way, some of my good that I met in Japan were from Eroupe, London, Stevenedge, Kent, Manchester.
The one thing I like about those folks so much was there ability to drink ( he he ) and there sense of humor. Everything has a funny side. Even situations like yours, believ it or not.

March 17, 2005
3:12 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truelntuition:

Patience is the one thing I obviously don't have. I used to be very patient in my younger years, but nowadays....I want everything NOW and I know that's wrong. It's just I've been hurt so many different times, that I guess it's made me impatient.

I'm originally from Germany and given their culture (not being very touchy feely at all) kinda makes me wonder why I'm so touchy feely. Wish I had more of a backbone.

Would you mind sharing the "funny" side of my dilemna? Somehow I'm having a hard time seeing it. Maybe it would help šŸ™‚

March 17, 2005
3:19 pm
Avatar
TrueIntuition
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He's telling you to be cool and maybe he'll let you back in. It's funny how some people are so arragant. He must be American, I should use that same advice next time my boss is asking me for work to get done. Hey boss, be cool, and maybe I'll get this to you soon.
That's awesome...

March 17, 2005
3:29 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Actually he's Canadian, but he's lived here for about 5 or 6 years I guess. I went with him to Canada to meet his family 2 years ago for Christmas....they were totally laid back.

He's been divorced twice. His last wife was an alcoholic, so he has definitely mastered patience. He used to enjoy repeating the following to me when he felt I was being impatient: "Patience is a virture practiced by many, mastered by few".

Right now I'm afraid he is being VERY arrogant. Last time we had a phone conversation he told me that I need to be patient...but he never told me what I'm being patient for. I finally wrote him an email telling him exactly what I thought he was doing (using me as a Plan B; questioning why, if he thinks I'm so attractive and very sexy is he not with me? etc., etc.)...of course he never answered.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714206
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer