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from Honeymajig...need help...again...
January 8, 2002
4:50 pm
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Honeymajig
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Ho hum, so it's xmas at home and new year at fiancees, getting on well feeling i can cope and then what happens? I go home for my last few days of holiday and have to take my mum to the doctors. She had chest pains ect and I pretty much had to drag her there and make all the arrangements. We get there and we are taken straight away to hospital by ambulance. Blood clots in her thigh and lung. Meanwhile I am left at home looking after my dad, worried sick about my mum and not able to get home because I can't just leave her in hospital. Miss my fiancee like mad, completely stressed out, last night i sat up until 4 oclock am feeling as if i was going to put my head through the wall next to me if i didn't get some stress relief. Today was looking forward to going home, mum was due out at lunchtime, but doctors decided to run more tests and she will be there at least untill tomorrow afternoon. Keep having to look after my dad and make sure he is getting stuff to eat (diabetic), organise relatives when to visit ect, and no one except fiancee has even asked me how I feel about all of this! I am exhausted, emotionally drained and loosing my mind. I can't go on like this. I have had to miss my counseling session and a doctors check up at home as I am stuck here and I just want to scream. I feel awful for wanting to get home and away from here as it is my mum in hospital and she needs me, but i am so exhausted I can't cope. Plus I am supposed to start my teaching placement next week at uni and the thought of it fills me with terror. I feel that i have so much on my plate at the moment I would have been better of putting my head through a wall than trying to cope with all of this. Does this make me a selfish daughter? I don't need to tell you that i can't talk to my parents about this as you have probably read my other posts...sorry for ranting but i needed to get it out in the open somehow. Any help would be most appreciated...
Becca xxx

January 8, 2002
5:00 pm
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Molly
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Becca, darling.............. everything will be ok. don't worry about the teacher placement, you'll be great. don't worry about dad, you can fix a few things in advance, and put it in the fridge. Mom out tommorow? Maybe ? I give you permission to go by and see her, tell her you know all will be well, that you love her, and have to get back to school, teacher placement. She will understand. If you want to wait till the test results come back that is your choice, get it choice, not mandatory. Your a good girl. Dad can fetch for him self, he is scared his woman is sick, but he is the dad. You are the kid, go do what kids do, he can pick her up, right? You have other family to help keep an eye on things, they will not melt with out you there, and you can only do so much. focus on what you need, and give what you can, if you can't give any more then, ugh ugh go get some go get that man of yours curl up in the fetal position, and say hold me, and don't ask for a damn thing, and ugh make me dinner too.

January 8, 2002
5:05 pm
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Honeymajig
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🙂 thanks Molly, just knowing someone else is out there helps..gonna go and try and sleep soon...everytime i go to bed the demons of anxiety come out though... at least tonight i can ring adam at anyhour as he is back home on his own. Thanks Molly, will be back here tomorrow all going well...take care...
love Becca xx

January 8, 2002
5:14 pm
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Molly
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Sweetie, don't hesitate to take something, ok. Nighty night

January 9, 2002
1:07 pm
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Molly
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so, what does today look like ?

January 10, 2002
5:12 pm
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Honeymajig
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Hey everyone 🙂
Feeling a bit better today, mum is out of hospital and I have come home. I have also been able to get another appointment for tomorrow with my counselor which is good. I am still very exhausted, but b/f is being very supportive. Still worried about everything though, but will talk it through with my counselor tommorow.
Take care of yourselfs and I will be back later / tomorrow...
Love Becca xxx
(p.s. thank you all for your support, (((((((((((Blondie and Molly)))))))))))))

January 13, 2002
9:59 am
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Honeymajig
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Hey all...
Doing better now, v.worried about teaching in school this week, feel v.anxious about it. Good talk with counselor, ranted a bit and felt better 🙂
Anyway, got to go, watching footbal with friends....(bit of a tomboy i guess!)
Take care all of you, talk later / tomorrow,
lots of love,
Becca xxx

January 13, 2002
12:21 pm
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Molly
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another survivor, good for you. Don't even worry about teaching, just be you.

January 15, 2002
12:12 pm
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Honeymajig
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Whoa, taught for last two days, absolutely exhausted. One day to go, and then one at uni and I can rest. Off to bed now, can't type...so tired.
Take care of yourselves,
Love
Becca xxx

January 15, 2002
12:26 pm
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Molly
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Good job girl, see it wasn't that hard, now was it ?

January 15, 2002
2:53 pm
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eve
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Hey, you're doing great. Just remember that you take some time off for regeneration, too. I'll be off to bed, too. Funny, this time zone thing. It must be just about noon for Molly now.

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