Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
from cpt1212---please read and tell me your thoughts
June 19, 2007
2:47 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

as i have posted here before i was sexually abused by my grandfather from the time i was very young until 2 months before by 13th birthday when my grandfather had a stroke. my family new about it for sure when i was 5 and there was an initial screaming match between my parents and my grandparents (my father's parents) but after that we didn't talk about it. i try to tell myself that they thought that was the end of it, but as i get older and can see it from a more adult perspective i think that just might be junk. my parents kept making me visit them but my refused to go, we always had to say that she was working, but beforehand she would take me aside and tell me to be her eyes and ears and report back to her what i had heard discussed.

so flash forward to today, I am now 30 and have been in counseling for 2.5yrs. we have discussed it some in counseling but i have really just flirted with exploring the issue. it is not something discussed in my family and while i am in regular contact with my family, i live very far away.

my mom called today and left me several urgent sounding voicemaials. before i had the chance to answer them my sister called to tell me that my grandfather was in the hospital and to call my mom. i took a deep breathe and called. she told me what is going on with him and that the family is gathering. i asked her quite plainly how this afffected me. she said that my dad was at the hospital and to call and speak to my grandfather because it would mean a lot to him. i said that i didnt really want to call and really what did i have to say, it would be quite awkward. she told me something like, blah, blah, blah i heard you were sick and that i was thinking of you. i told her rather sarcastically couldn't i just send flowers and she said that would be nice too. but that i should call because he asks about me often and that he is very worried about me. i asked why that was and she said it was due to the fact that when i went home last summer for the first time in at least 8 yrs.--for my brothers wedding---that he was upset that i had gained so much weight. and i have. my whole, very large family is very slim and fit. he keeps asking everytime he sees my parents if i am getting the gastric bypass surgery that my mom keeps pushing me to get and that last sunday when he was at their house he asked again. he then continued to say, "i remember, I rememeber, i remember, (it is sometimes difficult for him to find the words since his stroke) and my mom said, "you remember what she looked like when she was a little girl?" and he said, "yes" and started crying. and so couldn't i see how much it would mean to him if i called.

i don't know what i am supposed to do with this information. so for this evening i have done nothing. but i know the shit will hit the fan and my dad will get all in a huff, if i don't call.

June 19, 2007
2:55 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((cpt))))

It is so hard to take care of ourselves if we still want to please our parents who didn't know how to take care of themselves. I feel for you. You don't want to be in denial about your abuse with your grandfather and act like everything is okay. I hope you know that its ok to be who you are today. You are enough. Hope you continue to find new ways to deal with your daily life.

June 19, 2007
3:32 am
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cpt...I feel for you. I too am away from my family so that I can deal with my own stuff. The family will try to get you to do things their way because they are in so much denial. You have no obligation to your grandfather. He knows what he did and perhaps his guilt is what is keeping him asking for you. The only way to go see him is if you are planning to tell him how you feel about what he did to you before he passes. Otherwise, you will do yourself more hurt by joining your family in acting like everything is okay. If your family keeps pressuring you, you can tell them again why you do not wish to go. Noone stood up for you back then, but now you can stand up for yourself whether they like it or not. Hang in there. Keep posting. sending you lots of hugs and posive energy.

June 19, 2007
10:52 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

just bumping this up. i talked to my counselor this morning over the phone and she said that i should tell my parents that i am not going to call and that after what happened i shouldn't have to. i think that this might be a bit drastic. i dont think i am ready for that conversation.

June 19, 2007
12:55 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

cpt... I actually don't think you have to talk to them. You can e-mail them or send a letter. The point is you no longer have to go along for the sake of going along. If you are not ready for this conversation, then that's okay too because it's your healing process and you have to honour yourself exactly where you are. You do not have to go to your family and you can simply say no to them without having to explain yourself. It's all very hard to do but it gets easier once you start to take little steps for yourself. keep posting and hang tough...

June 19, 2007
11:11 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CPT, I don´t think you´ll regret not calling your grandfather. He didnt act like one. If he´s feeling sad now, its not your fault, its probably him again indulging on his feelings only and not yours. You shouldnt have to brainstorm over this but I hope it will be to your own good. Protect yourself. It doesnt seem like you that close to your family if you visit them irregularly. Take a stand for yourself. Your family may respect you more for it. I know this is easier said than done and may seem too crude, but do send an email, someone can read it to your granpa, if he can´t read it himself. Let him be a charming blackmailer to the rest of the family! Say enough. Gosh, I dont usually feel this strong. I had wonderful grandfathers. I feel so sad for you. May HP bless you!

June 21, 2007
1:45 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you all for your thoughts. i have done anything yet my parents havent called me, but i did learn through my sister that they sent him home today and said there is nothing more that can be done and estimated that he has 6mo.

right now i am just processing.

June 21, 2007
1:50 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oops! i mean i haven't done anything yet. paralyzed, really. mentally, emotionally.

June 21, 2007
11:33 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Keeping you in my thoughts!!
(((CPT)))

June 21, 2007
11:45 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((cpt)))I am sorry you are going through this. I think it is good to hear other perspectives and then go with your heart/mind on this. I know whatever you decide will not be easily.

My dad is 75 with colon cancer and he abused me for years and he doesn't think I remembered. I have held in "the secret" until the last few years.

I feel your pain in this, I really do.

Take care,
gg

June 22, 2007
3:52 am
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gg,

please tell me more about how you have been handling the situation and your feelings about how you have handled it. if you dont mind

June 22, 2007
4:06 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((cpt)))))

(((((gg)))))

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714259
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information