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FRIEND'S HUSBAND ON SINGLE ONLINE DATING
March 28, 2008
10:04 pm
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2BHAPPY
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One of my best friends just called me. She just found out her husband of 5 years is on a single's dating site and she doesnt know what to do. She found the emails by accident and decided to go on the website and check it out.

She is 44 and he is 30. This is not the first time she found him flirting online. Last year he was communicating with someone online but who also worked with him and she found the emails.

Right now she is shock and doesnt know what to do..but because we had this conversation last year when she found the other emails..I think she will stay with him after much explanation from him. I dont really know what to tell her because I guess she is going to do what she is going to do..which is listen to his excuses.

He never goes out alone and they are always together...dont know where he was going to find the time to date.

This is so sad and I dont know how to help my friend out.

 

 

2bHappy

March 28, 2008
10:57 pm
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Skigirl
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I think the internet can be an evil thing. I have used it for evil in the past with a lot of regret. I used to e-mail guys when I was married. It made me feel good when they complimented me. I didn't get that from my husband. This is one way that people stray. I would suggest counseling. Obviously something is missing in the marriage that triggered this. It really needs to be discussed.

March 28, 2008
11:27 pm
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sdesigns
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What were his excuses the last time?

Probably won't be much different this time.

What did they agree on the last time? Has he broken any promises or agreements? Or does she quietly allow it and just hope he'll magically stop?

March 28, 2008
11:38 pm
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2BHAPPY
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I guess he stopped the emails with the co-worker but then has been quietly online exchanging emails with other women.

I really thought they were working things out and everything was ok until she called me today very upset over finding the emails from the other women.

 

 

2bHappy

March 29, 2008
1:56 pm
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StronginHim77
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She needs to leave him. He is unfaithful and a liar. He will not change. So, unless she is willing and prepared to live with betrayal for the rest of her life, she should kick him out and file for divorce. Immediately.

Whether or not she is willing to leave him, she should seek counseling/therapy for her codependence. Remaining with him after his first betrayal indicates she has really painful insecurity issues. I hope she will get the help she needs and deserves, so that she can make healthier choices in the future. Otherwise, she is going to have a very unhappy life. I really feel bad for her.

- Ma Strong

March 31, 2008
3:05 am
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Worried_Dad
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He is too young and irresponsible for her and is still sowing his wild oats.

I'd suggest dump his butt.

March 31, 2008
7:08 am
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autumn128
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I met my boyfriend online through a dating service. Then I found out that he was married.

These men have no shame. Your girlfriends husband is hurting her, but how many other women is he hurting by portraying himself as someone that he is not: a single man.

Your girlfriend deserves better. She shouldn't waste any more time on a cheater and a liar.

Autumn

March 31, 2008
11:19 am
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caraway
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Ma,

What about "till death do us part?" Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Cary

March 31, 2008
11:26 am
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DorisDay
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Hi to all! I am just catching up....

This is so difficult for anybody who is in love.

Clearly, therapy is needed. I don't know if there are any children involved...but I would love to hear if there are and what led up to the infidelity.

Maybe with counseling, something positive can happen,,,either a split or a reconciliation.

March 31, 2008
12:45 pm
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atalose
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2BHAPPY,

Now you can see how this internet/dating/corresponding thing has come full circle and caused someone else besides you some hurt and pain.

You said your friend’s husband doesn’t go out alone and that they are always together. Yet he managed to correspond with several other women. That sounds familiar and what your fireman friend did as well.

It’s odd how many of these men sign up on dating services yet don’t date or at least not right away. I think they get in to the e-mail corresponding and maybe some phone calls but they always manage to have reasons why they can’t see the woman in person.

And when they do finally make plans to meet in person I think many of them like your firemen get scared because it then becomes too real. It’s far easier to have fantasy dates or relationships via e-mails.

As her friend I would encourage her as much as I could that she doesn’t deserve this from her husband (again). That his history shows he isn’t trustworthy in this area and that she doesn’t have to settle for someone this immature that needs that kind of assurance from strange woman.

I would express to her that his behavior is no reflection of her or her age or her looks it has everything to do with JUST him and his issues and that no matter how much she loves him she can’t love HIS problems away. This is his issue too own. As a friend hopefully you’ll be able to help her understand that.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 31, 2008
1:34 pm
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2BHAPPY
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She is trying to rationalize this whole thing. Saturday she called me up to tell me that she has been cheching his emails and he has not replied to any of them and that she will wait until she sees signs of him corresponding with someone. I just told her that they both need to go to counseling. The fact remains that he went on a dating site to look for women.

They have no children together. He was in a previous relationship before her and had a child..then he left that supposedly bad relationship to marry her.

 

 

2bHappy

March 31, 2008
2:10 pm
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MsGuided
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This mans sounds like a pure opportunist who's focus is himself...lots like him find women who will put up with this sort of thing and be their Mother in a sense.

I don't agree with Ma, because your friend is part of this.She has other coedependant issues, that are seperate from his online dating.Things she does for him that she shouldn't, which allows him the opportunity to take her for granted.
Things like this are never cut and dry, and so much of their behaviour is left out.
What else goes on in their marriage besides this?
I don't think cheating is a grounds to end a relationship.it is s sign of other troubles..so it is multilayered, and every situation is different.
The whole story just isn't outlined here.
She is making matters worse by "checking" his account....simply tell him it is unacceptable and he has to DELETE IT NOW!

Maybe her husband is reacting to bounderies she sets, by having coals in the fire, a way out.
He isn't totally committed.
Actions speak louder than words.

My partner works at a large company and has many co-workers who are young single guys ( the type no self loving woman would want).and they do things to him to interfere with our relationship....when he was off on Holiday this Xmas (2 weeks), the Kid who was filling in for him ( and used his email) registered him to a dating site, and put up a pretty twisted profile for intimate encounters ( something my partner would never post)...he can't even access it to cancel, cause he has no password. For a couple of months he would get email's at work, had no idea why and just ignored it. Then it started getting worse, more emails and he comes home complaining he can't delete it. He finally wrote the site admin and got it deleted.

For all this effort to get together on these date sites, there sure is alot of tearing apart...It's really SAD!

He at least told me.I ended up finding his profile ( and there is no activity).and we both laughed, but realistically the fact a co-worker did this as a JOKE ( online dating is HUGE, and is getting out of hand) and the manner at which he displayed my man, is pretty insulting.

On a WORK ACCOUNT! this sort of thing threatens jobs, and my partner has a position many there want!
He still is pretty pissed about the nerve.
Some people think it's funny to trip others up and cause problems. You really have to be careful of everyone around you.
It's hard enough to take care of your own Buisness, but some people out there can make matters worse and get off on causing drama for others.
I trust my partner and know he would never cheat...but Look what he has to deal with from other men...who try to tear us apart? and he has women he works with weho are just as sleazy.walking around half naked in the summer, acting slutty, and trying to manipulate men at work to do their jobs.

So many people messed up and lost, not thinking of the consequences of what they do, living for today and now,and so what? I got mine mentality.

What, and how would some people here do with my situation?
Would they beleive their partner? or would they get angry and choose not to trust?

Life just seems to get messier for everyone with all the outside temptations and interference.

March 31, 2008
5:04 pm
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augustthefirst
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My two cents: take a step back, he's not your husband and it is impossible to tell what goes on in other people's relationships. Be kind and supportive but it's not your decision.

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