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Friendless
April 11, 2001
11:20 am
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BARic
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Someone dear to me in college has not had any relationship (male)at all. She was ostrasized in middle and school and just did not recover. It is almost as if she is invisible. Quiet type, smart, well read but lacking in social skills. I have talked counseling but she refuses, but the hurt in her eyes is more than I can stand. Any suggestions.

April 11, 2001
12:22 pm
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Molly
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Keep being her friend, invite her to social gatherings, as her comfort level increases, the natural progression should occour. Can't learn to swim if you don't go out in the water.

April 11, 2001
2:19 pm
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eve
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baric, you mean well. But I remember very well being a teenager and being *pressured* from various sides to have *male* friends when I just didn't feel like it. If somebody would have suggested that I should go to counseling because I didn't have a boyfriend I would probably have eaten them alive :-)). I just was a late starter, I needed some years longer than most, had a good look at what my girlfriends were up to, and finally took my own decisions in my own time. Rubbing her nose in the *problem* propably will make things worse. I rememer that I had the feeling that all this pressure to get a guy was just saying 'whithout a guy you're not worth anything'. And I had to build my selfconscience first before I could dare to give my love to a man.
So: help your friend building her selfconscience by letting her be how she is. And not by suggesting how she should be.
Just my two cents. Eve

April 18, 2001
1:56 am
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Kimberly Anne
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I think it would be good to just invite her to come along now and then and let her deciede, how i wish someone would of done that for me in high school, hell even now for that matter. Just cause your alone doesn't mean you want to be you know?

And maybe as someone else pointed out, maybe she is a hermit type person who really dislikes people, and social events, nothing wrong with that either, what ever makes you happy you know?

Hope I helped you somehow!

TTYL!

April 22, 2001
9:28 pm
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mauigirl
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Your friend may or may not be a quiet type. If she is, well that is her style and she needs to be accepted for the way she is. Having a boyfriend is not important. Perhaps your friend is too busy concentrating on her studies. However, If she truly was ostracized in high school then she probably is suffering from her past experience. It would be difficult for anyone to overcome continuing ostracism, particularly in high school when we are already on a hormonal rollercoaster. I suggest just being there for her. Observe her behavior and if she becomes more withdrawn, then perhaps you should speak with her again about seeking help.

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