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Freedom of Choice
February 27, 2004
10:32 am
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Anonymous
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Alright another wonderful insight from my wonderful experience with Stupid last night. So he was calling my phone I didnt answer he left his wonderful message of where are you, you better have a good story for not answering your phone, my response (Blow off) Then he came over at 10:30 at night, we of course got in an argument how "all WOMEN are whores", and how No Woman can be trusted, and how Im stupid, and Im a bitch, and I dont think before I say things, and Im this and Im that blah blah blah, and I came to the realization that wow, I have the choice in this, he "thinks" he is in control because he calls me these things, and yet can still call me, and see me, I don't think so ACE, so I realized my FREEDOM of CHOICE this morning. The freedom and I as well as all of us have to walk away from ANYONE in our lives if we want. The freedom to say, I don't have to be treated like this the Freedome to say kiss off jack ass, because your insecurities and issues are NOT mine. Most of all the Freedom to WANT and GET better than HIM. And HIM, the one who has had the control, let me say something on that

Control is not if you can control the other person, or if they do what you want, or you keep going back to them, because in reality no one has control over anyone. We control ourselves, and control isn't "winning" the game, control is walking away saying I don't need to play, you can play with yourself because I don't need to play to make myself feel okay. Control is not letting someone treat you like crap, and most of all control is having enough respect for yourself to expect that respect from others. He Im sure will call in the next couple days, maybe not tonight, but he will, and control will be me not having to answer, not wanting to answer, and not answering. I don't need to Justify my actions to anyone, and least of all him.

February 27, 2004
10:36 am
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Kessie
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Right on! by the way could we call him "schtoopid"?
"stupid" sounds too sensible. 😉

February 27, 2004
10:45 am
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Ladeska
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MOST AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! Now the hard part........Stick to this, 'kay?

February 27, 2004
11:14 am
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Anonymous
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Kessie I love your idea, I think its a must be for now on.

Ladesak, I am trying so hard on this one, I think that the one thing that gets me is that he says these things to me and its almost like Im immune to them now, they don't phase me, where they should they don't because I've heard them so many times. And I do still long for the guy who won me over in the beginning but he is not there anymore. And I don't think he ever was, it hurts, and its crappy but it can't be any worse than staying with him.

February 27, 2004
11:46 am
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Anonymous
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Nothing is worth losing your self respect I would rather die with respect and not be with anyone than die with being in a relationship where the person was a ass, who knows, I think that the more you try to understand people the less you do, so now I just stop, because trying to understand someone who is that crappy is a waste of my time. Dont get me wrong, there are still times when I think I want to get him back, but is it worth it in the end. what will i accomplish more wasting of my time.

February 27, 2004
4:57 pm
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Ladeska
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Sometimes Aces, I think it's all about the game and about challenge. Can I get him back, can he get me back, on and on it goes. Sounds like a mind that's getting fed potato chips instead of protein. I think you're boring yourself here and underestimated your own intelligence. Stop rummaging around in the dumpster girlfriend and get up into those mountains! Get some perspective going on here. Life is more than this.......and it's fleeting and very precious.

It's okay to try and understand things, people but it's not okay to say that "who you are" depends on how they act. That's NOT okay. You need to be who you are regardless of what THEY do. If you keep changing and rearranging yourself every time you bump into a guy, then you're going to be looking at MPD's soon, ya know? It's fine to see what makes people tick and to learn things but not at the expense of yourself and not to base who you are on what - they think or feel or need. Gotta get that ponycart all turned around and headed in the right direction. YOU ride the horse.......not you are tied to the backend of it and drug through the dirt and he's in the saddle, 'kay?

February 27, 2004
5:30 pm
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chloeysmomma
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good for u ace keep it up hugs chloeysmomma

February 28, 2004
10:09 pm
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Anonymous
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Thanks chloe, tonight I feel tired, and sad, I do miss him, but I dont know what it is about him I miss, so Im not going to try to analyze it, Im going to go to the store, get some food, go home, watch a movie or something take a bath maybe go out for a drive first and then try to forget him, forget that I thought for a brief minute in time I loved him.

February 28, 2004
11:08 pm
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Ladeska
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Wrap yourself up in a warm cozy blanket of who you are, not who you tried to become for this man. We can make mistakes, change, correct things and move on. That's what is awesome about being human. His great loss here..... and time is your friend because you still have it. Let it weave a distance between you and this dance you did for a season. Learn from it, take the pearls of wisdom and weave them into your fabric. Let the rest rot and blow away with the wind. Breathe......

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