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FOUND OUT SON IS ON DRUGS
August 14, 2006
11:16 am
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nappy
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This is the hardest thread that I had to write, but it is the truth. My son that I am talking about left home at the age of 18. He left but let him tell it, I threw him out. My son is a very smart man, he still continue to go to high school and to graduate and even went to college and graduated. Got up with the wrong girl, who was also doing drugs. They tried to make a life together but it didn't work. They suppose to have two kids together, but deep down in my heart, I just know that these are not my son kids. He have burn his bridges with his friends, not trying to keep a job to support his self. My home is now the only place that he has to go. I was not shock to hear what he was saying because I already knew.
I really sit down with my son because I also have had problems with just trying to live in this world and dealing with people and there problems. I ask god to change me and I see that he has and is still working on me. I love my kids, I love my sons but they are grown now and I let them know that the choices that they are making are choices that they want to do. I told my son that if he let this door close on him, it will not open to him again. Because he has burn all of his bridges with friends and family members are not going to even fool with him. I have two sons now that is living at home. They have two months to get there act together because I am going to be moving into me a one bedroom apartment. I have raised my three boys on my own. I have taught them right from wrong. I had given up my dreams in order to take care of my children the way a mother is suppose to. But some where I have to hear what I didn't do in there life and I have gotten tired of it because if there life was so bad then I told them to change it now. Don't put me on the block of saying that because your life is turning out this way, that it is my fault. Bulls***. Because everything that I said don't do, they did it anyway. Not my choices (THERES). I will offer my son help but it is up to him to want it. If not then my door is going to be close because I refuse to spend the rest of my life still taking care of grown mens. I tried to teach my boys because my mother died when I was 15 and I realize then that, there is very few peoples that cares for you and there is alot of peoples that didn't care.

August 14, 2006
1:56 pm
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mamacinnamon
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((((Nappy))))

Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. As you know my son is a drug addict also, and my hubby, but so far he's clean 3 years now.

Nappy, DO NOT ever let those boys tell you that you didn't do your best. If you feel in your heart you did the best at raising your boys as you could then you most definitely did. I raised my kids right too. Mama was as perfect a role model as I could be, and I believe kids live what they see, not what they are told. Remember Nappy, half of what comes from your son's mouth is the drugs and not your son. He is no longer tht lovely little baby boy you rocked as an infant when he is on drugs.

I totally agree w/ you also on closing the doors to coz they are grown. I'm not sayin never help them out, but there comess a time when you deserve a life too.

Nappy, it is all up to your son now. Not you dearest lady. Your son will suffer the consequences to his actions. Unfortunately, they do ripple onto the rest of us. Best I can tell you is to tell him you love him, but be strong and tough and stand your ground when you say something. Tell him you love him, but he has to take care of him. And then pray for him nightly by his name.

We just put my son thru rehab (only chance he is gertting from us). He's been told that if he goers back to drugs then our door is closed as to a place to stay or money. No matter what his mama loves him and I will be there for him mentally, but otherwise, I'm sorry. So far he's doin great. I just have to keep prayin for him.

Nappy, I am here for you if you want to talk. I'm unfortunately on dialup gain and can only be on 15 min at a time, but I'll be back at 2pm cst if you want to talk, or just leave me a time.

Also, check out some family of addicts meetings either where you live or online. It most truly helps you.

w/love,
mamaC

August 14, 2006
3:46 pm
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lovinglife
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Nappy~

Breaks my heart reading your story.

I too am a mother of three sons, have giving up so much for them and just did the best I knew how in raising them. But there does come a time when we need to take care of ourselves, and it looks like your time has come.

I don't even know what else to say at this time other than you are in thought.

LL

August 14, 2006
4:13 pm
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nappy
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Thank you very much in responding to my thread. Sometimes we think that we are alone in certain matter but I'm glad that I have friends like you all to help me along. I made a promise to myself that when I had kids, I was going to talk with them. My parents I guess didn't really talk to me and when I needed my mother the most. She had died. I think back on my life and wonder sometimes that it could have been worse but it wasn't. I did the best that I knew how in raising my kids. I used to pray that I will live long enough that my boys would grow up to be mens because they just really don't understand what it is like to not have a mother. A mother that would shield you from your pain and to teach you right from wrong. I've made mistake in my life and I can say that I have learn from them. I've may have made some rearing my children. But they wasn't left behind, they had more then some kids growing up with them and I'm not talking about things but life things that we all should have but some don't. They were taught about all of the elements that this world has to offer and I didn't shield them from that because once they started growing up and going to high school, I had already knew what they had to face. When they tried to tell what I didn't do as a parent, I told them that I also had choices in life, whether or not to take care of them or just leave them to there fathers who didn't want them at the time. I also know as a mother that we want the best for our children, we don't want to see them hurt or anybody hurting them. But I realize that I can't shield them forever and just how I had to learn about life, they are going to have to learn also in order for them to be a better man or person. I am very thankful that my grandmother was there for me. Once I seen them lower that casket into the ground (mother) at 15 I had already knew that life was going to be rough but it was up to me and my choices in life that either will make me or break me.
I love my son dearly, and just want the best for him, but he already knows that if he let this door that has been open for him (my door) close on him. He will not have anybody and I mean anybody to care for his well being. He has burn both end of the candle with friends and almost with his family but we as his family love him but we will not continue to let his life stop our. I don't feel bad about how I brought up my sons and I just thank god that they are alive and well. What they do outside of my homes is there business. I just ask them to don't bring it to my home if it is not good. I pray every night for my kids. Even this one that I am talking about. My son don't know what he put me through when he decided to be grown and move out of the house while I was work. He took everything out of his room except a picture of me on the wall. The walls was white so you can just imagine how I felt but I just let him know when I did see him that he will need me before I need him, because my life don't stop and I am not going to stop living because of my children. I am at the place in life where I am enjoying my grandkids.
I told my son that if he needs help, then I will be there for him but giving money and anything else is out of the question. Now he have a choice.
To get my self together or to be homeless and on drugs. I told him it is up to him now.

August 14, 2006
5:10 pm
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Nappy,

I am so sorry to learn about your son. I have two boys, 21 & 17. We can suffer through alot, as long as we know our kids are okay. When they aren't, it is terrible for us.

Don't go taking any blame for his bad choices. He is an adult now. It is up to him to take the right path. All of us made mistakes raising our children. And God knew every single mistake we would make with them, but He breathed that life into our wombs, anyway. He entrusted those children to us, knowing we would mess it up here and there. All parents do. No one is perfect with their kids. But there comes a point where kids have to choose how they want to walk out their lives.

My big sister and I had the same upbringing: abusive mother, abandoning by our father, in & out of foster home, lots and lots of abuse. We had the same past...same parents...same tough childhood. She wound up breaking the law, being a convicted felon and having four children by four different fathers and giving each of them up for adoption. She died in her forties...I think the guilt and shame over how she had hurt so many people (including those babies she gave up) did her in.

I chose a different path. Married. Raised my two sons the best i could. Wound up being a prison and police chaplain. I could have chosen the same path as my sister. But I didn't. It is up to each of us to overcome our past, or let it pull us down. Can't go through life, blaming it all on our parents.

I am glad you are taking a firm line with your son. First slip-up, he's out. Period. TOUGH LOVE, they call it. But it is the only thing that works, if you are dealing with an addict. They have to know that you mean business. Be sure you follow through and boot him out at the first sign of any trouble. It is his only hope.

I will be praying for you.

Your friend,

Strong

August 14, 2006
5:15 pm
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gettingthere
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just wanted to say yes you are not alone ..not so long ago my son told me he had been taking dugs from the age of eleven,i was heartbroken to think i never even knew,to think of a child so small to be doing this makes me so sad that i was oblivious to what was going on .....
GT

August 14, 2006
5:20 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Nappy:

You are truly a remarkably strong woman. I know the pain of telling your child as you said...."I told my son that if he needs help, then I will be there for him but giving money and anything else is out of the question. Now he have a choice. To get my self together or to be homeless and on drugs. I told him it is up to him now."

Good for you honey. You are a true blessing to you kids; if they don't know that now, they will.

Chin up girlfriend, and stand tall.

August 14, 2006
6:32 pm
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nappy
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My ex is a recoving alcohol and drugs abuser. He has been sober for nine years. Also in that time, he was homeless. I told my son that I can get him to talk to him because I don't know about being on alcohol or drugs or matter of fact being homeless but this man can tell him what he went through. His family had to let him go, there were no more help coming from them. Before his mother died, she had to let him go also. All his mother knew is that her son was out there and there was nothing that she could about it.
She also told him that he needed to stop doing drugs and he said that he wasn't.
While he was homeless and walking the street of no return. Someone let him know that his mother was dying. (Car accident). All his mother knew was that he was on drugs. Now I know that his issue with his mother will always be on him, because now he is doing well. He knows that he could have died, but the one thing that he wanted was to show his mother that NOW I am doing what you knew I should have done along time ago.
When I can't speak on things, I at least try and direct my sons to peoples that I know will help them.
There is no thing as peer pressure and I told my sons that because it is up to you and your choices if you want to do anything in your life whether if it is right or wrong. You are the only one that it will effect. And stop trying to blame other's for the mistakes that they created.

August 14, 2006
6:40 pm
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StronginHim77
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Nappy...

Everything you have said to your sons sounds good to me. I will pray for you to stay strong. It isn't easy, going through what you are facing right now.

gettingthere...

My gosh..that must have torn you up! Is your son getting the help he needs now? I am not even sure where I would turn, in your situation. Please share with us how you are handling it, so we can learn from your experiences.

Thanks and God bless..

- Strong

August 15, 2006
10:05 am
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Nappy: How are you today?

August 15, 2006
11:16 am
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nappy
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Good Morning everybody, I hope that you all are well this morning.
I am doing fine, I realize this morning that you are never to old to learn a lesson in life. I have learned that I have been enabling my children, trying to shield them from the hurt and pain that they may face as they was growing. Trying to make sure that everything was alright. Trying to handle things in life by myself and struggling. When each of my boys turn 15, they knew that they HAD to work, whether it was a part time job while in high school and in the summer a full time. As my boys grew older, I guess I started taking on there burden, trying to figure out WHY on certain things that they were doing, knowing that if they don't do what is right, they is going to be like this or like that. Repeating the same old song to them about taking care of themself and doing what is right. It took me at this age to learn that everything that they did, they made a choice to do it, whether it was right or wrong, they knew what they was doing.
I realize also that your own kids can take advantage of you because you are there mother. But they have two and half months to get there life in order. Because my next move for my life is to get into a one bedroom apartment. I realize that I can save money, and it is time for me to have extra money in my pocket.
My sons have two choices in life, I know that it is many more but the main ones are LIVE OR DIE. I can't make no choices in there life now because they are mens. Either you are going to live and try to live right or you are going to fall and be out there homeless. It is hard as a mother because you don't want anything to happen with your children but it is just like being on drugs or alcohol or any other addiction, either you want help and follow thru or you keep knowing that you need help but don't want to take it.
My sons have to get up when I get up in the morning, they are not allow to stay in my home while I am not there, that is 8 hours a day. Where they go, is not my business. But no one is going to be sleep while I am at work. They better be looking for a job so that they can get paid for that 8 hours that they are out there.

August 15, 2006
2:36 pm
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nappy
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I forgot to include also that my son the one who came back home had to get up that monday morning to catch the bus to look for a job. He let the first bus go by because he was to sleepy to catch that one and then he was thinking about going behind the bus stop sit and take a nap. He was telling me this after the two boys came home. I told him that he is doing nothing but planning what he is going to be doing if he don't get his act together. I'm not going to nag or keep repeating the same thing over and over again because they or he already knows what the deal is.
I have to get myself prepare in which if my sons choice to be homeless then that is his choice. I can't do anything about it, I love my son but I can't lead him by the hand and make him do what is right, especially for his life. It is hard everyone that is a parent but I am realizing now what they say about tough love. They wants to find something that they like and I am like, a job is a job as long as you are getting paid for it and if the job have benefits. A job that can take care of my needs and not only my wants. A job that is going to provide for me. My other son was starting to get lazy and not work and always going into my things when he need something. NO NO NO! I told them that they will not continue to live with me and living off of me. That will just not do. If any drugs or alcohols or anything that don't belong in my house, they will automatic be out of the house. The only thing that I want to hear is that they are filling out applications and that they have a job. PERIOD!

August 15, 2006
3:40 pm
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gettingthere
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strong hi thanks for asking yer my son is now living in a place for young people were he is having help and there has been a great change in him but i had to be cruel to be kind if you like as without me being cruel he would not be were he is today,,,,,,,,,

August 15, 2006
4:02 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Nappy:

Tough isn't it. I admire your strength. I have told my hubby, who says he's not done any smokin in three years, that if it is in my house one more time he's out. And I will have to uphold that no matter how much I want it to be different and no matter how much I love him. I think he finally believes that. No time to go into the story now, gotta get out the door for appts. Just wanted to say WAY TO GO GIRL before I ran out the door.

Keep hangin tough.

August 15, 2006
4:11 pm
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hunny
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hi , oh my god you have been through so much but yet you have stayed stronge . my brother was taking drugs and nothing my family said or did changed him . even when he had his daughter did it stop . when my neice was 18months he had had enough but he didnt get the chance to prove it as he was killed in a car crash , his so called mate was driving was high on drugs !
good luck with everything and stay stronge .

August 15, 2006
4:48 pm
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nappy
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Hunny, I'm sorry for your brother and your lost. Sometimes it is hard because I am a mother and now I know the hurt from your children and the pain that a mother carry for her children BUT I am not going to stop my life just to keep trying to get my son or sons life in order. I do not want to wake up one day and realize that I don't have no meaning in my own life. I refuse to give up my life and not enjoy what god is doing for me. I have given it all up to god because I can't handle all of it.
I also have a ex-boyfriend that I thought that I could make a go of it again but I am tired of him wanting all of my time. I am tired of him when things don't go his way, then I am dealing with another child who is mad because he is not getting his way. And then when things are going his way, he is giddy all in my face. He also knows that his time is going to be over in my life. I have this feeling that I am going to break free of the things and peoples that are holding me down. I know that the time is coming because the peoples that are around me is trying very hard to hold on but I just know that they are going to slip and then that is the end of it. I have finally except the fact of how things are and not how they suppose to be. I think that is what my problems has been all along.
Kids suppose to be like this, and my man is suppose to be like that and then when things are not, then I am angry, hurt, mad, and just holding so much things inside me that I am going to bust.
But when I start talking to god, he makes everythings alright. Sometimes that devil wants to come in and play games with me but the devil is a lie and I want have it.
I thank you all because with out this site, I sometimes wonder how would I be acting at this moment. Stress makes me sick, and I mean sick. It has taken me this long in trying to control it but the devil keep bringing things in my path but each time he does, I am going to knock it down.

August 16, 2006
1:35 pm
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nappy
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Well this is another day and another story. It has been day three and tomorrow is my son (the one that came back) birthday. I see my son and I just know in my heart that he is not doing what he is suppose to be doing while he is out of my house during the day. It seem like all he want to do is eat and sleep. My son don't know that after a couple of days and I don't see any improvement. He is going to have to go. My other son is looking and trying to get his self together because I found out yesterday that my rent is going up and I mean by alot and I can not stay where I am staying. I refuse to stay and decide that my sons can help pay the rent because when they do leave, I don't want to be in a bind in trying to pay my own rent. No way!
They know now that the move is real. This is reality, and this is life.
My son is a smart man when it comes down to his books but is a dumb man when it comes to life, if that make any sense. I knew that I wasn't never a strong person before but for some reason something has change within me. I see more clearly about my life and things and peoples that are around me. I am beginning to know what I want in life and if peoples, places and things are not good for me then I have to let go.
I know that my son feel that now he is in the comfort zones because he is with his mother but he is grown now, he is not the little boy that I have shield since he was a little boy, we can't go back into the past, we have to go forward. I'm sure that he regret when he decided that he was a man at 17 and still going to high school, but this is where we look back and think that it wasn't all bad after all. I know that he is thinking now that all my mother was doing was trying to teach us to have a better life then she did. And to stand and take care of ourselves and be a man.

August 17, 2006
3:32 pm
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hunny
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your an amazing person , your right god is there for us and the devil is a tormenter ! if you can look pass him things can seem so much brighter . take care and thanks

August 24, 2006
11:38 am
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nappy
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My son that came back have been living with me for at least two weeks now and I just can't take it anymore. My place is not big enough for all three of us living in there. My other son has found a job and is happy about it but the one that came back is doing enough. My other son now wants him gone because he is going into his room, leaving things, making a mess in his room and not helping him to clean. My son is sleeping in my living room on my couch and I feel that I don't have any space in my own home. My health is going ever since my son has came back to live with me. He can't. He have been gone for five years now and it just not working right now. I have to make the hardest choice of my life now and tell my son that he have to go. I know he is not going to leave like a man and then I am going to have to call the police. I don't want none of that at my home because I live in a apartment and they can kick me out for things like that. My son made his choices in life and I can't correct them for him. He has been hopping from one house to another since the age of 17 because he is not doing what he is suppose to be doing. This is eating at my heart because he have to go. My place is not that big and I feel like I am losing control in my own home. He is eating up my food that he is not putting back. I didn't tell him to do the drugs that he did for him to lose his job. I make him leave the house when I do and I know that he is not looking for a job because he would have found one by now. He has all of these dreams but I can't let him have them at my home because it is making me stress. I'm trying to pull myself together because my health goes bad. I can't help him now. He made his choices in life and he is the one that is going to have to fix them. My heart is hurting because I have to let him go. The one that has came back now is mad at the one that has been living there because he feel that he want help him but my son has enough problems on his own to worry about. I think that my son just want someone to blame but he have to blame only himself. I just don't know what to do, yes I do but it is hurting me.

August 24, 2006
12:33 pm
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nappy,
I send you great big hugs ((((((((nappy))))))))). You are in a very difficult situation. My oldest son, we'll just call him R, got mixed up in drugs early on. He passed all of his drug tests, so I thought he wasn't doing them. I found out later that he was. Well, to the point, I ended up kicking him out of the house. I let him come back. Boy was that a huge mistake. He started dealing drugs out of my house. I had plenty of room so that wasn't part of my issue. When I found out he was dealing, I kicked him out again and changed my locks. He broke into my house 3 times after that. The last time he broke into my house, I went down and had him arrested. He had the nerve to call me and ask me to bail him out. I told him NO. I spoke with a counselor about him because I felt like I was a horrible person because I had turned my back on him. I was told that I didn't turn my back on him--it was just the opposite. He had turned his back on me and on himself. After 4 or 5 years of in and out of jail, R has started putting his life back together. I figured out that by letting him live with me with no boundaries, I was just facilitating his lifestyle. I learned to set good boundaries--and stick to them. He is 25 now and he still is not allowed to live with me. He isn't even allowed to spend the night at my house. I have since moved out of the house and live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my youngest son. R is starting to work on rebuilding the relationship with me that he tore apart. I know you are hurting, but if you don't do something about him, you will only hurt more. Just remember, God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes I just wish HE didn't turst me so much. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. It will be difficult to make him leave, but if you know in your heart that you have to, setting boundaries will help you do just that. He will get mad, but if you detach yourself from him and his actions, he will eventually learn how to live a normal life in this screwed up society. I spent a long time not even knowing if my son was dead or alive, but our relationship is much better now and I don't fear him anymore like I used to. I know, I'm rambling, but your story hit home with me because I was in the same situation. I hope this helps some.
LFM

August 24, 2006
2:56 pm
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nappy
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Thank you so much for the hug. Thank you so much. I have already detach myself a little bit from my son because he left when he was 17. He left when I was at work. The only thing that was in the room was a picture of me on the wall and it read.
"YOU HAVE TO DO, WHAT YOU GOTTEN DO" with a face on it with it tongue sticking out on it. I have already felt that pain about not knowing where my son was. He detach himself from me and the rest of the family. He left because of the things that he was doing. I didn't tell him to do drugs or to steal from me.
I am not fearing my son, I am fearing what I might do to my son. I am angry. I am angry because I let ME put myself into this situation and I will or might hurt my own son. When he was out there, he never called or came by my home to see how I was doing and now I have allow him back into my home living with me and he has been gone for 5 years. It is not my fault and when I tell him to leave and he don't, then I am calling the police so that they can get him out. If he goes to jail, then he will have a place to sleep and eat. He angry with himself for making the choices that he made. I have giving him two weeks to get a job and I bet he haven't put in at least one or two application. But if you are still doing drugs and sitting up in someone else house doing the day, how are you going to work. I fear myself because then I will take it back from when he was a child up until now.

August 25, 2006
3:19 pm
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looking forward mom
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Nappy,
Don't physically hurt him.....they can prove that and you will get in trouble. I used to say all the time, "I won't kill him because I won't go to jail over him". My therapist used to laugh at me when I would say that. I found myself doubting whether or not I loved my son. It was pointed out to me that I do love him. If I didn't, I wouldn't care what he was doing or if he was ok. The same goes for you. You love your son, you just can't live with him. Have you mentioned rehab to him? Is he willing to try that? If he is into drugs heavily, that may be his only option. My son spent a year in jail and got clean that way. Hang in there and keep me posted on how it goes. You are strong enough to handle this. You will make the right choices for you. Sometimes it is hard, but you can do it.
LFM

August 25, 2006
10:34 pm
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September 27, 2010
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Nappy, I want to encourage you to have your son arrested. Try to remember that when you are talking to him that you are more likely talking to the drug and not your son. Drugs take control of every aspect of an addicts life. I recently learned thay my 19yr old daughter is a Meth addict. She got arrested for possession and we have left her in jail. Just try and think of it this way, as long as your son or my daughter is in jail, they can't be on the drugs. It's really hard to see them in jail but it helps to know they at least have a roof over their head and food in their bellies. They are also somewhat safe from the street life. I know what you and looking forward mom are dealing with. I will put both of you in my prayers. But I ask you to PLEASE set boundaries and stick to them. Drugs make addicts hate the people they once loved and love the people they once hated.
Take Care and keep yourself prayed up.

August 25, 2006
11:51 pm
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pearlseeker
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September 24, 2010
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Nappy, check your other thread you have called, "My Health Is Going Bad Because Of My Son". There are messages for you, hon. Because:

You have a lot of people who care about you! No, do not hurt your son or do anything yu would regret later. Try to stay calm. And Yes, he needs to leave. He is driving you crazy. And if he is on drugs, you cannot help him. He has to get help somewhere else! Can you call a rehab place and ask what they suggest?

You have to use tough love. It sounds like your son is going to have to hit bottom to be able to get up again.

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