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Former Abused child need help
October 5, 1999
2:17 am
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Filmnoir
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Well, as to the e-mail I will give it some thought. I hope you can understand. I like remaining a phantom hiding behind a code name. It feels safe. I will note the e-mail address and think about it.

October 5, 1999
10:22 am
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daizy
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I totally understand wanting to remain private. Maybe sometime in the future when you feel more comfortable, you could sign up for a private emial (yahoo or hotmail).
Hope things are going well for you today.
🙂

October 5, 1999
5:11 pm
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sjready
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Filmnoir you and dreamweaver will do great as long as you continue to give your trouble to the Lord Jesus.
I like most of the respondents also come from an abusive history. But someone came into my life introduced me to Jesus Christ. Who Loves me so much he died for me. So I came to realize later in life that since Jesus loves me like that and nothing not even the love or acceptance of mankind could compare or offer the rewards that accepting his love would bring. Such as that peace that surpasses all understanding, and that joy unspeakable. I learned to forgive my mother for all that she had said and done. It wasn't easy it was a long long long process. I am now 41 years old and my abuse caused me to enter to marriage at an early age which also became abusive. Now I'm single and at peace with my mother,and the other abusers that played a role in my life. I sometimes think back on those days and wonder what made her subject me to these things. But I won't complain because I'm now taking in abused and neglected teenaged youngmen, so that they can no love and hold on to life. The love and the life that I introduce them to is the same one that I was introduced to. It is in Jesus. I am a mom in my heart, I love to comfort the hurting hearts of these youngmen, and in return they love and respect me. You will be able to help others that have had similar experiences. Trust in God he will make it all right. Pray for your mother and ask God to place forgiveness in your heart it will help you to heal. "Stay encouraged" you have a wonderful life ahead of you.

October 5, 1999
10:00 pm
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KTHOMAS
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I am so sorry I offended you. I never mean to hurt anyone...please forgive me. I had no right to assume anything. I only wish the best for you. I will be praying for you and hope you understand I never meant to sit in judgement. I hate being judged. Keep reaching out honey...God's hand is always reaching back.

October 6, 1999
7:47 am
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Brittainy
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Hi everyone, I feel so supported by all of you. I know I am not alone. Take care

October 7, 1999
12:17 am
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Filmnoir
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Sorry all, Yesterday was not a good day. I had acidentily saw one of my asbusers. It scares me to have seen him. I spent a majority of the day driving around to avoid the posibility that he may be following me.

The job search has been ok. I just need to have a job by the mid point of this month.

I was not offended by your text. I simply hasd a very bad day. I will see you all tommarow.

October 7, 1999
11:30 am
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Chyna
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October 7, 1999
10:38 pm
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Filmnoir
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Not much to report today. I do paintings. And I have found a gallery who is intrested in my work. I have used my emotions has the creative energy to good use.

October 8, 1999
2:03 am
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daizy
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Hey thats great. Your a step farther than I could ever dream of....aspiring artist myself.

Great job!

October 8, 1999
11:24 am
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Anonymous
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I knew you were a creative one film!

October 9, 1999
12:09 am
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Filmnoir
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well, I have been painting for about 7 years now. I do sur-realism and abstract art. I get my feeling out through them. Another thing is I get real emotional while watching movies. Like, when people are fighting. I get really uncomfortable. Is this normal? I just feel bad when I watch it.

I've got a job findily. It is working in a bowling alley., At least I have a jop. Somthing to keep my mind off the growing bills. And I need to be getting to bed.

Goodnight all.

October 9, 1999
12:09 am
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Filmnoir
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well, I have been painting for about 7 years now. I do sur-realism and abstract art. I get my feeling out through them. Another thing is I get real emotional while watching movies. Like, when people are fighting. I get really uncomfortable. Is this normal? I just feel bad when I watch it.

I've got a job findily. It is working in a bowling alley., At least I have a jop. Somthing to keep my mind off the growing bills. And I need to be getting to bed.

Goodnight all.

October 9, 1999
10:50 am
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KTHOMAS
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Hi Filmnoir...congrats on the new job!!!! So you are an artist. How wonderful. A lot of famous artists came out of very painful pasts you know. 🙂 So I just may be talking to someone whom may be sooo famous one day.

About getting uncomfortable when watching those movies... I too get uncomfortable when I watch movies where there is sexual abuse whether it be a child or and adult. It's natural. It's because it hits so close to home. I try to avoid them myself. I don't really like viloince in movies unless it's cop and robber stuff if you know what I mean. Never where one person is in bodily harm.

Take care honey and God Bless.

October 9, 1999
12:41 pm
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daizy
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I too let my emotions out while drawing. The picture may not be what I'm feeling inside, but usually what I wish to feel. I also think it's a natural thing to feel uncomfortable about certain aspects of movies. We all know movies are not real, but they sure do hit home at times. When I see sexual abuse in movies, I get very angry inside and it stirs a fire within me like no other. I don't lash out at people, but the feelings just stir deep within. Even when I see things on the news or read about it, I get the same feeling. In a way I think it's good that I get angry, because I didn't get a chance to feel that way when I was younger...I was too scared. I think it makes me stronger...somehow - and if anyone tried to sexualy assault me now...LOOK OUT! I'd have all that pent up anger and use it against the poor bastard who tried anything with me, hehe! I'm rambling again.
It's nice to see that there is someone out there who uses their emotions and puts it into their art. I sometimes feel alone when it comes to someone trying to understand me and my attatchment with my art.

October 9, 1999
11:47 pm
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Filmnoir
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My attachment to my art comes from differant abstract ideas. I want to put them on the web, however I lack a digital camera. Funny thing is that all my painting are completily unable to repreduce. I need to get to bed early. Tommarow I start work. Bye

October 10, 1999
1:02 pm
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Brittainy
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Hi, Filmnoir, well done in getting a job and congratulations for not giving up. Today has been bad. I suffer chronic pain and most of my days are spent just lying around, although I have a job working with people with mental health problems. I love my job and I feel as though I am giving something to some one, realising that I'm not the only one with problems, although most of the time I feel like a freek. I wish my pain would go but the doctors keep saying I've got to live with it, hard I know, but what more can I do? I love reading all your messages. Look forward to hearing from you again.

October 10, 1999
2:23 pm
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Anonymous
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I too suffer from chronic pain Brittainy, quite badly for years now ( a car accident injuring my back ) My physical as well as my emotional pain is what led me to develop my spiritual life as i have.
Start a program of biofeedback training and meditation and mindfulness. This is the BEST thing that can be done for chronic pain. Blessings

October 11, 1999
1:59 am
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Filmnoir
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I bring happy tidings. Although, I feel rundown and tired as an old shoe. My first day was good. I started at noon. I was on my feet untill I got off at midnight. I feet are ploting to kill me for the hours on them. I do anything that is needed. I go and get a pin that has been kicked out unto the lane, get the food and drink, make some food and do clean up. I am so glad to be able to sit down.

Brittainy, I write here daily because it feels good to release some steam. I writ these before I goto bed. So the dates arn't always accountable. I see this thread as an on-ine group therpy. I share and listen. Thing I hear (metaforicaly) make me feel better. Life is full of ijntresting surprises. I am glad I found this site. I have a home to share my feelings and thoughts. The anominity of the internet has alowed me to "join", as it is, this group therpy. Thank you all for you constant support. I just thought you all would apreciate this thanks. In a matter of days, I went from feeling all alone. to a welcome member of this group. I have never been able to be apart of a group before. I was the outsider. No one wanted to have anything to do with me. I have been used to being alone.

Thank you

-FilmNoir

P.S. Tommarow I go back for my first real sesion. I am glad I started it. Oh, and I am going to work the same crazy night tommarow. PRAY FOR ME to live through it.(Ha Ha)

October 11, 1999
9:24 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Filmnoir It is great hearing from you, it is so nice that you feel you can get therapy from all of us. I've been in therapy for 4 years, but she is leaving soon so I'm going to be really lost. I hope to get another one equally as good. Do you get any other form of support? You really helped be a week or so ago when I was going through a 'cutting' phase. You made me realise that there was more to life. I love the internet it is great to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences to myself. I am 36 and have been in and out of hospitals for nearly twenty years, due to eating disorders and suicidal thoughts, I've been out of hospital for a long while now, and hope I never go back. Let me know how the job goes. Take care

October 11, 1999
10:32 pm
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KTHOMAS
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Hi FilmNoir,

Man you just brightned up my day...so glad to hear you "smile". Good luck with your first session. I pray it's as eye opening and comforting as my first session (which was only last Wed).

Bless you...

October 13, 1999
1:52 am
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Filmnoir
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I would like to apologize for the past few days. I have been working from the afternoon untill midnight. So, I am having a hard time catching up. I have been doing good. But, I am trying to katch up. I havbe also been getting problems with my ISP. So, I am trying to get through. How is everybody doing? I am doing well. Take care.

October 13, 1999
1:52 am
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Filmnoir
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I would like to apologize for the past few days. I have been working from the afternoon untill midnight. So, I am having a hard time catching up. I have been doing good. But, I am trying to katch up. I havbe also been getting problems with my ISP. So, I am trying to get through. How is everybody doing? I am doing well. Take care.

October 13, 1999
1:52 am
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Filmnoir
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I would like to apologize for the past few days. I have been working from the afternoon untill midnight. So, I am having a hard time catching up. I have been doing good. But, I am trying to katch up. I havbe also been getting problems with my ISP. So, I am trying to get through. How is everybody doing? I am doing well. Take care.

October 13, 1999
8:27 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Filmnoir glad that you are working (not too hard I hope)! Speak to you soon. Take care

October 18, 1999
9:01 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Filmnoir, How are you? I've not heard from you for ages. How is the job going, well I hope. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care

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