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Forgiving
January 6, 2006
5:39 am
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alycia
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Do you guys believe that we cant begin to heal until we forgive the one that has wronged us? Do i need to forgive my ex for leaving us b4 i can move on and if i dont forgive him will it always burn inside of me until i do???

January 6, 2006
5:45 am
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JEZZY
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Not really, it does get better after time, the way I moved on was by sitting down and planning what you want to do in your life and do and do it and show that you can live life to the maxium !! Good luck!!

January 6, 2006
5:45 am
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feline
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Nope, others will disagree. I feel you have to accept and understand it, but I for one will never forgive.

January 6, 2006
6:15 am
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nvr2late
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Forgiving someone that wronged you is tough, and I truly cannot forgive and forget.
It always boils up, maybe just make peace with it?
It is their problem, not yours.

you are a good person!

January 6, 2006
8:02 am
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down2earth
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I think if you can forgive you can let go. When I get hurt I don't forget as this is a lessoned learned. But once I forgive and let go of my expectations I can move on. Otherwise they still have a hold on me.. But if there is no longer an emotional attachment, say anger for example I am free... This has been my experience...

January 6, 2006
8:12 am
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kasie919
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alycia:

Forgiving is part of the healing process, no one can ever tell you to forget, the forgiving has to be within you..

there will come a time, and it may be years down the road but the forgivness comes, because you know in order to be free you have to let it go..

read "the language of letting go"
you can learn from that..

Im just starting my own cycle but i have also learned to forgive some of the hurt..

Take care and i wish you all the luck.

kasie

January 6, 2006
3:59 pm
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Dafney
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Hi alycia,

I know how hard it may be for u to forgive I can imagine how much it hurts too. But honestly it doesn't help to keep on dwelling on it because in reality the one who's getting hurt at the end is u....not the person who did the damage. I do believe that we can begin to heal if we forgive....remeber we can forgive but we do not forget. I'm going to tell you what my dad tells (he's incarserated)a smart person learns from his mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes from others....My heart goes out to you my friend.

Dafney

January 6, 2006
4:00 pm
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Dafney
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Hi alycia,

I know how hard it may be for u to forgive I can imagine how much it hurts too. But honestly it doesn't help to keep on dwelling on it because in reality the one who's getting hurt at the end is u....not the person who did the damage. I do believe that we can begin to heal if we forgive....remeber we can forgive but we do not forget. I'm going to tell you what my dad tells (he's incarserated)a smart person learns from his mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes from others....My heart goes out to you my friend.

Dafney

January 7, 2006
1:39 am
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kleinhead
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To 'forgive' someone is Not saying..'it's okay..'--it's Not letting them off the hook..to forgive is about letting it go. It's not denying anything, either...it's acknowledging what someone did..accepting that they did it...and letting go of the anger, the hurt and putting what happened in your past-in it's place where it belongs. You don't even have to tell the person you forgive them..they may not even feel bad and Ask to be forgiven, either. And that's okay, cuz you aren't doing it for Them--you're doing it for You. It's also a process with forgivness being the end result.
It doesn't hurt to forgive--if you're holding onto a hot potato-how much does it hurt to let it go? I don't believe we have to forgive and forget either...and you know what?...I've known many people who have been able to forgive people some big things--but, they can't find it in themself to forgive their own person..what a gift we give to ourself when we can forgive our self, too....you're on a good path...you'll get there..

January 11, 2006
6:59 pm
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hopeful for change
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I believe time heals nothing. Forgiveness is not something you do for another person,forgiveness is something you do for yourself,it lets it go. When you don't forgive your still giving power to it, allowing "it" or "someone or something" to still dig at you and hurt you and control you. When you forgive it takes your power back.

It's not like I forgive you and than trusting that person again.

I had struggled with this my whole life with my father and the abuse and abandonment. I finally delt with it I wrote him a 15 page letter and mailed it. He never has said he was sorry or even acknowledged anything I said, but said it all everything I felt and forgave him. It brought alot of peace into my life.

I don't know if anyof this made sense but I hope it does.

January 11, 2006
7:53 pm
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gingerleigh
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I think a lot of people aren't sure what forgiveness actually means. It does NOT mean condoning. From dictionary.com:

Synonyms: forgive, pardon, excuse, condone
These verbs mean to refrain from imposing punishment on an offender or demanding satisfaction for an offense. The first three can be used as conventional ways of offering apology. More strictly, to forgive is to grant pardon without harboring resentment: “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them” (Oscar Wilde). Pardon more strongly implies release from the liability for or penalty entailed by an offense: After the revolution all political prisoners were pardoned. To excuse is to pass over a mistake or fault without demanding punishment or redress: “There are some acts of injustice which no national interest can excuse” (J.A. Froude). To condone is to overlook an offense, usually a serious one, and often suggests tacit forgiveness: Failure to protest the policy may imply a willingness to condone it.

January 13, 2006
2:18 pm
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garfield9547
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I think i will be able to forgive if someone does not do the same thing again. It says go on and sin no more and your sins would be forgiven.....

You have to change your ways in order to be forgiven.

Garfield

January 14, 2006
9:35 am
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kasie919
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hopefull:

I know exactly where you are coming from, I did the same thing with my dad, and he responded the same way..

But i felt it was time for me to forgive, no matter how difficult it was for me, i felt better knowing I had fogiven him..

we will never have a father daughter relationship, but at least when the maker calls his time, i will have a peace in my heart and he knows I loved him even through all his pain..

And besides when he gets there, my mom will take care of him LOL:)

take care, Kasie

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