Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Forgiving Emotional Affair
June 8, 2007
2:35 pm
Avatar
cowpatti
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My DH of 32 yrs. has been in an emotional affair. Has told me he will not speak with her again. Says he loves me dearly but does not think he is doing anything wrong since no sex was involved. He was helping her through a rough time in her life. But I know that our personal life was discussed. Its a really long long story.
How do I forgive him ? I want to trust him again! I'm consumed with thoughts of things that were said and done. He has promised twice before to not speak with her but has. I want to believe him this time but am untrusting. I hate feeling this way! Any ideas?

June 8, 2007
2:51 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

First, does (DH) mean divorce husband.

Are you two together as a couple or you just still in contact with the DH?

Nappy!

June 8, 2007
3:19 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cow...I was wondering the same thing as Nappy. Is it dear husband or divorced husband. He is having an emotional affair, whether he believes it or not. I think you will have a hard time convinving him of that though since most people think that if there is no sex then it's okay. Sometimes, I am not sure about it either to be honest. This doesn't change the fact that he is choosing to go outside the relationship to meet his emotional needs. I think that therapy is your best option so that you can deal with your emotions and dig into the dynamics of the marriage. Since he still loves you and is willing to stop seeing her, therapy would help him as well. You can also tell the other woman, if you know her, to back off. Instead of relying on him to do it. All the best to you:)

June 8, 2007
3:31 pm
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

patti,

I think that an emotional affair is worse in many ways than one of the flesh. I have had to deal with that in my realtionship and I don't think that I will ever love my partner in the same way. I probably should have gone with my intuition and ended the realtionship during that time.

Let me know how this works out for you.

Thinking of you,
Cary

June 8, 2007
3:35 pm
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

there is a book out there called "not just friends"....and it describes how to work thru emotional infidelity, especially in the age of technology where many people have online "friendships" that often come close to crossing those lines.

any time a partner is investing emotional time and energy into someone outside their marriage, it IS infidelity.

the fact that he has promised to break off ties twice before and hasn't, kind of tells you that he probably won't again....one bitten twice shy...you have EVERY reason to not believe him yet again.

I can't tell you how to forgive him and get on with it, because if it were me, I couldn't. I would be moving on WITHOUT him...set a boundary and stick to it.

I don't forsee changes here...so the question is - what can you live with? and if he wasn't going to follow thru again, what are you willing to do about it?

you can't change him...if he isn't going to change he isn't going to, no matter what he promises or how much you try and pursuade him to.

And since he sees nothing wrong with it, I highly doubt it will end here...he may end it now, but start something up later or find someone else to fill that void.

He may not be having sex with her, but he is getting "something" out of it...and in a marriage, that is just wrong.

get that book...maybe it will help, and who knows, maybe he will read it and understand?

June 8, 2007
4:40 pm
Avatar
cowpatti
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks all for the replies. DH was for Dear Husband. I just yesterday bought the Just Friends book so will certainly dig in.
I'm just not ready to give up on this 32 yr relationship. I'm going to give counseling a try and he is willing.
Keep us in your thoughts and I'll let you know how things are going.

June 8, 2007
4:41 pm
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

is he going to get counseling?

if not, at least may he read the book?

June 8, 2007
8:43 pm
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi!

I think the part of your story that bothered me the most was that he promised you something and then he did not carry through. I don't personally think there is anything wrong with your husband befriending and supporting another person. Several years ago, I was going through a very rough time in a relationship and a male coworker helped me through it. He was married at the time( and still is to the same woman). Nothing ever happened between us. We were just friends and that was it. There was no flirttaion or suggestive behavior. I respected that he was married and we never ever crossed the line. He, to this day, remains my dear friend. I have met his wife and we have chatted a few times. I suppose it is a matter of trust. I don't know you or your husband (obviously), but I just wanted to share with you my story. He helped me through a difficult time. There was never anything more than friendship between us. Perhaps, it is the same with your husband. As I said, the fact that he broke promises is more of an alarm for me.

I agree that you should not give up on your marriage of 32 years. Counseling sounds good and a step in the right direction. I wish you the best.

Sad Sack

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714200
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer