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Forget the light... where's the end of the tunnel?
March 23, 2007
2:26 pm
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prncssdani
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September 24, 2010
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So here I am... While recovering from a cocaine addiction and being a battered wife... I asked myself... why does all this keep happening to me? The answer codependency... but now that i know the problem how do i fix it. Just when I think i'm taking some steps forward it takes nothing at all to bring me back. Still clean... but how do i start trusting in myself and not caring what other people think... especially my mother? Somebody help!!!

March 23, 2007
2:30 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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are you in counseling or NA?

sometimes you need a good support network (other than family) to help you thru this.

alot of times it IS one step forward, two steps back...but as long as you keep moving in a forward direction, does it matter how fast you get there? It shouldn't...progress is progress...no matter how small...give yourself credit for the progress...sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

As for the family stuff...or other stuff keeps coming back...sometimes you have to really dig down deep in therapy/counseling/meetings to get to teh root of the problem.

just "quitting" isn't enough...you need to "rework" all the faulty wiring in your head....relearn a new way to think about yourself...how to love yourself...how to unload the baggage our childhoods handed us...how to cope with our parents as they keep "abusing" us...learning to trust ourselves and love ourselves.

Self help books and codependent meetings and a therapist helped me....you may want to check those out and see if they can help.

March 23, 2007
3:44 pm
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Matteo
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prncssdani ~ that's one of the most funny and brilliant title I've ever seen! I am sorry, I don't have much adice for you, but I am sure you will be OK. Try to detach from your mother as much as you can and read the posts here, you might learn a lot. Good luck in your recovery and all the best. The tunnel eventually ends...at least this is what they say...but moving forward helps!

March 23, 2007
5:34 pm
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truthBtold
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prncssdani,

I agree with Matteo - a brillant title thread.

Do you know what I did one time? I actually googled an image search for "light at end of tunnel" and actually found one!!!!!

Ahhhhhhh....so THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!!!!!

🙂

I immediately printed it out.

Great that you are still clean. Give yourself a BIG pat on the back for that one...and relish in your awesome accomplishment!!!!!

There IS LIGHT at the end of the tunnel - you've got to believe that...and if you don't - hell try searching for an image on the web too!!!!!

Self-trust I think starts by NOT DOING rather than DOING - you know?

By NOT using, by NOT allowing yourself to be battered anymore, By not beating yourself up all of the time......by NOT allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat....

It's all in the NOT DOING, I think - and it sounds like you are well on your way.

Two steps forward and one step back is still progress - believe it or not!

Feelings are just damn "MESSY."

Have you ever seen the movie "When A Man Loves A Woman?" with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. You may want to check it out - good flick.

Anyway, be patient and gentle with yourself above all.

As far as the mother thing goes....what I found to be helpful was to actually respond out loud to those scenes and tapes that keep playing over and over in your head about her disapproval and say somthing out loud.....like - "Well, I don't care what you think!!!!" or "I'm a grown-up now and don't have to listen to what you say anymore."

I know that it sounds weird.....but actually getting it out and hearing yourself say those things releases that pent up old. crappy dynamics and breaks it up a bit.

I just say stuff out loud when I'm alone...and I found that it really helps.

I think what it does is allows you to have a RESPONSE (vs helplessness and powerlessness)to the pent up crap and it helpful in moving on, in that way.

Even just practicing saying out loud: no. No. NO!!!!!!! helps.

NO - is a complete sentence, you know.

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