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For Mich....... (* PS free here*)
February 22, 2007
8:47 pm
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needtoheal
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You know what Mich.. I think that you put things in perspective for me in regards to her NOT respecting my space, my freedom, my needs or wants.. Good point.. well taken..

I guess I am so NOT used to making boundaries with others.

I will be around tonight as well.. off and on...

love, need

February 22, 2007
9:50 pm
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Need,

I am NOT trying to deter you from JC, just trying to point out things that I might see causing potential problems. Does that make sense? I hope that I am not hurting you by the things that I am saying. That is NOT what I am trying to do. I just want to see you happy and healthy. That is all that I am saying...does that make sense? I just care about you Need.

Thinking of you and holding you close sweet sister.

Mich

(((Need)))

February 22, 2007
10:10 pm
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MICH--

I have not taken anything you have said as such... I am grateful for you to help point out the potential problems. I think that often people are not able to see things clearly when they are actively involved in a situation. Sometimes it takes others that are on the "outside" who help us see the problems and issues that need to be taken seriously and into consideration. I know all too well about what can happen to a "clingy" relationship. When there is no space that is given, it can develop into a suffocating environment and that is not the type of model that I would want for the boys.

thanks for thinking of me and caring about me Mich. I love and care about you...

How are you doing tonight? Are my nieces and nephews fast asleep?

My best friend called tonight -- JC's twin sister. We made a plan to spend some time together tomorrow without JC around. JC is aware that her sister wants to spend time with me without her around so it will not be a suprise tomorrow when I get to go out with her sister.

Her sister knows how clingy JC becomes. She asked JC earlier today when she called if SHe was "allowed" to talk to me.. Her sister was only joking to JC...

thanks Mich..

February 23, 2007
6:45 am
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Need,

Holding you close this weekend sister. I hope that you get to spend some quality time with your best friend. I will be thinking of you. As I said, I will try to check in this weekend, but if that doesn't happen, know that I will be thinking of you.

Check out that website...

Mich

(((Need)))

Love ya...

February 23, 2007
9:02 am
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needtoheal
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Thanks Mich.... I hope that you have a great weekend.....
I will be thinking of you...

You really have helped..

love,

**NEED**

February 27, 2007
8:07 am
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Need,

I am home. How are things going for you? I thought about you quite a few times this weekend, but had no way to get in touch. I hope that all is well. What did you do this weekend, and how are things with JC?

Will talk to you soon.

Thinking of you....

Mich

February 27, 2007
9:08 am
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Mich--

Glad to see that you are back.. How was your weekend?

Things are NOT going well with JC right now..
thanks for asking.

THe boys are doing well. YOur older nephew is now recovered from his fall last week.

How are your kids? I hope that they are all feeling better.

I have been thinking about you these past few days.. I am so glad that you are in my life, Mich...

I will have time to post today after work -- 4 pm

The kids are going to be with their dad after school until 7:30 pm and JC will be at work.. so I have some time to MYSELF

love.
NEED

February 27, 2007
4:22 pm
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Need,

My weekend was beautiful. Palm trees and warm weather, I NEED to go back. I hate it here...it is TOO cold. I just hate it.

Sorry to hear that things are NOT well with JC. What is up with that? What is going on? Again, only tell me what you want to tell me. I am just asking.

I am glad that (M) is doing better from his fall. Tell him that his Auntie Mich is thinking about him, and little (J) too.

My kids are all feeling better. All three of my older ones are still a little hoarse but they are ALL feeling much better. 4 days without their mommy probably really helped them out. :o)

I appreciate you too Need. I miss you. Though I know that things will always be different for us here, I hope that we can still communicate well and be there for each other.

Did you ever check out that coda website? Just checking....NOT trying to push.

I am thinking about you, and holding you near and dear to my heart.

I LOVE YA....

Mich

February 27, 2007
5:30 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi Mich---

Thanks again for posting... It is always so good to hear from you...

I am glad that you had a great and relaxing time away.. Palm trees and warm weather.. !! I hate the cold weather too.. We still have snow on the ground ..

What is up with JC? Good question.. I am not so sure Mich.. On Saturday, we went to a Reptile SHow. We all had a great time together..

Sunday night I sent a text message to Pondscum telling him that I went to the show and there was a new place that he could order food for his bearded dragons that was cheaper than the place we used to order from.

He called and I talked to him for maybe 10-15 minutes upstairs in my bedroom. The kids were getting ready for bed..

I called him back a while later after the kids were asleep because I had been on-line and researching the prices for the shipping which was dramatically less than the shipping cost from the west coast and JC came upstairs and took the blanket off the bed and mumbled something. Then went downstairs.

So I went downstairs, meanwhile still talking to PS who did not even know that JC is here, and I went on the computer to tell him the costs again from the other web sites.

Finally I hung up with him and I heard her downstairs in the basement stomping around. She was putting her work clothes in the dryer. I asked her what was wrong and finally she told me that she has told me that whenever I talk to PS it bothers her. SHe does not want me talking to him at all...ever again.. She asked me how many times did I talk to him.. I answered her. I also asked her if she heard what the conversation was about. She said that it did not matter.. Just the fact that i was talking to him...

Then it all escalated into an arguement. She kept asking questions about if I love her.. every question had to answered yes or no and not maybe... Then when I told her that she picked a BAD day for me because I did NOT take my medication and I felt tired and I could not keep my thoughts together under the stress, she told me that she F*&(ing HATES it when I start talking and do not finish what I was saying. I told her that I was just exhausted..

Then she asked me how many times did I send him PONDSCUM a text. I told her that I was unsure. I told her she could look at my phone and asked her if she did.. She said that she did not look at my phone but later on she did and said that I sent him 3 messages. She just made this big dramatic tantrum. She would not let me go upstairs without even having to tell her where i was going... I had to tell her that I was going to the bathroom... that is how CONSTRICTING she became..

LOOK, Mich, I am not into labels or labeling people. However, I do not doubt that she shows the symptoms of Bi-Polar. She goes from being so mad and angry to then crying when she went to bed that night. She was crying because she gave me an ultimatum about talking to PS and I told her that I would NOT stop talking to PS just because of HER demands.

She told me just before going to bed that me, PS and the boys can have a nice F--KING life. I told her that she was NOT being respectful and that I do not appreciate being cursed at..

Then once we got upstairs., she wanted me to lay down in the bed with her. and she wanted to put her arms around me and cuddle......

SHe told me that she loves me..

I told her exactly what you had pointed out to me (without telling her of course that it came from you), that she is NOT being respectful of me.... my wants or my needs. I told her that I need a break. I can no longer have her treating me the way that she has been.

Now she wants more than anything to make it up to me..

I took the boys to school today and did not take the puppies with me. I told her that I was going over to my mother's house after the kids got to school..

I saw her sister, her identical twin, and she knew that something was wrong. I explained JC's behavior and I explained to her sister that I do not mean to put her in the middle because I know that it is hard for her because she is her sister and I am her best friend..

Well when I was with her sister, JC called me 4-5 times. wanting to know when I was coming back. She said that she wanted to talk to me and spend some time with me before I had to get ready for work.

I got home and her sister called. She talked to her for a few minutes while I got ready for work and then I said goodbye and left for work. I could not take it anymore....

Understand how I feel???

love
NEED

February 27, 2007
5:38 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich--

I do NOT hate her. I am glad that the boys were sleeping. I told her that I would not accept this behavior anymore in my house. I cannot have her behavior affecting me or my children.. (for example. I was so darn tired. she had to push the issue into a two hour episode. Now i am totally drained and that is not fair to me or the kids when i am the one who has to get up early and be with them..

As far as PS. I am DONE with him. We do not talk about having a relationship together.

I only talked to him about the reptile food...that is it.

I do not talk to him every day nor do I answer his calls all the time anymore. I will NEVER be with him again. But I do not hate him. I do not want to even have a friendship with him where I see him but I did not see harm in telling him about a new place where he can order food...

It is not like he is asking me to go out or for us to get back together either....

UGH

February 27, 2007
6:03 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need,

Do you love her?

You need a break!! She needs to go.

I will post more ina bit.

But that is where I will go with this conversation.

Mich

February 27, 2007
7:50 pm
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needtoheal
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She won't leave...

I even told her when she mentioned about leaving, that she should leave..

The problem is that she is that insecure because she associates taking a "break" with not ever getting back together again..

To me, it takes 2 to make it, 2 to break it, and 2 to get it back again...

I am not sure about the answer to the love question..

She asked me the same question..

I told her that I do care about her..

and I do see the other side now.
I remember how things were with my past relationships, with my ex-husband and pondscum...

It does have to do with co-dependency and like I have mentioned, I do NOT want to be in another co-dependent relationship-- especially when I have the CHOICE ...

Not sure what to do...

I saw her tonight because I left something in her car that I needed.

When I walked into her job, she was joking with one of her co-workers. She seemed ok... NOt like she used to be after we had "episodes".. (that is when she would be depressed and sad.)

She told me that she had a dream that if She does not get help, she will lose everything and will be lonely.....

thanks MIch...

Thinking of you

🙂

NEED

February 28, 2007
1:23 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need,

I truly believe that you need to have her go. I know that she doesn't want to, but I think that it is necessary for a while. You need to work on you, and truly Need, you can't succeed at doing that when she is there tearing you down. You are a good woman. I hope that you get back into the counseling thing, I really think that would be helpful. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I am thinking that the relationship between you and her isn't sounding that healthy to begin with. She needs to respect you. Need, that is your home, those are your boys, and we are talking about YOUR emotional health. Please remember that. Just think about it please. I am thinking about you and holding you close. Remember these are just my opinions and they are worth what is paid for them.

Mich

(((Need)))

February 28, 2007
7:53 am
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needtoheal
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Mich--

I agree with you that this is not the most healthy relationship.. I want a break and I want to work on me again.
I told her last night when she got home from work that I felt like I have been stifled. I feel like I am not moving forward and it really bothers me.
Maybe I am not meant to be in a relationship right now. Maybe I have not healed from being with PS? That does not mean that I wish to go back with him either even though I have kept in touch with him.
Thanks for your thoughts and opinions which I do value.
She said that she will get the help that she needs to do but she did not even call to see about going to a psychiatrist. I told her that I cannot help her anymore. I told her that I need to work on ME...
I will keep you posted.

((MICH))

I hope all is well with you and your family....

thinking of you

NEED

February 28, 2007
8:00 pm
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((((Need))))

Thinking of you.....I hope that all is well....

Mich

February 28, 2007
10:21 pm
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Mich---

Thinking of you sister...

How are you Mich?

I had a dream that we met one day..

We got in the car and we looked like Thelma & Louise ... with six kids in tow!!

We traveled to see all of our sisters...

It was so fun and relaxing !!!

All is well here..

I am glad that I did talk to PS today because of what he told me made me realize that I am truly happy NOT being with him anymore..

It made me realize that what my therapist once told me is true:

Things do not happen for a reason.

Things happen because of the CHOICES that we make..

I love you Mich very much..

I am glad that I have you in my life.

I know that you understand me more and appreciate me for who I am..

That is how I feel about you MICH..

You are a stong woman..

thanks again for being here

((MICH))

love
NEED

February 28, 2007
10:21 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich---

Thinking of you sister...

How are you Mich?

I had a dream that we met one day..

We got in the car and we looked like Thelma & Louise ... with six kids in tow!!

We traveled to see all of our sisters...

It was so fun and relaxing !!!

All is well here..

I am glad that I did talk to PS today because of what he told me made me realize that I am truly happy NOT being with him anymore..

It made me realize that what my therapist once told me is true:

Things do not happen for a reason.

Things happen because of the CHOICES that we make..

I love you Mich very much..

I am glad that I have you in my life.

I know that you understand me more and appreciate me for who I am..

That is how I feel about you MICH..

You are a stong woman..

thanks again for being here

((MICH))

love
NEED

February 28, 2007
10:26 pm
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You just brought tears to my eyes love. I miss you...I wish I could talk to you....

((((Need))))

February 28, 2007
10:29 pm
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Where are things at with JC??

I would love to take a trip with our six kids. I think that would be fun.

I am glad that you are done with PS. But you have the right to talk to him, and I am glad that you have NOT given up that right because of JC.

Have you checked out that website yet?

Mich

(((Need)))

March 1, 2007
9:19 am
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As far as what is up lately with JC Check out the sweet need thread and what I had to say there, ok Mich...

In all honesty, I have not gone to the website. I'm sorry but I will..

I am not going to give up my right in talking to anyone just because JC DEMANDS that I do... I will NOT have anyone control me nor manipulate me anymore. I am done with that behavior.

((MICH))

Off to work I go..

I will be back later tonight..

THinking of you

love,
NEED

March 1, 2007
9:22 am
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(((Need))) I love ya. Thinking of you today. We will talk. I miss you a LOT.

Mich

March 1, 2007
7:11 pm
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Mich--

How are you today? I am doing alright. Busy day at work.. The kids are at the school with SlugShit for the Family Olympics Night.. Of course I was reminded with a phone call from him the other night that I cannot go since HE decided that we are going to alternate.. which is fine with me...

JC is working. She called her therapist today and was seeking out a psychiatrist to go see who can prescribe meds for her. Just as with ADD, however, medication is not the answer alone.. There also has to be behavior modification involved as well...

She left me some money today in an envelope on the table before she left for work. I am glad that she feels that she can contribute since she is staying here. I cannot support her since I am barely making it just for me and the boys..

love,
NEED

March 1, 2007
7:18 pm
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Need,

Where are things at with her and you? You seem pretty frustrated. Do you want the relationship to work? Are you worried about what will happen with your relationship with her sister? You just seem so discouraged. I am not sure if you are trying to hold on, or if you really want out or what. What are you thinking sweets.

What you wrote to GG about me on the Sweet Need thread really touched my heart. I just want to tell you that. The bond we are developing means a LOT to me. I have missed you, and I am glad that I am here for you to talk to.

Mich

(((need)))

March 1, 2007
7:43 pm
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((MICH))

I am not sure what I am feeling Mich but I can GUARANTEE that my feelings are NOT for PS... I know that is not even a doubt in my mind....

I am not concerned about my friendship with her sister because I think that even if things were not to work out with me and JC, me and her sister will still remain friends. I do not doubt that... I know that it is difficult for her at times because JC is her twin sister but I am also her best friend.. In the past, her sister would take away her sister's friends. Now her sister knows that JC is unable to do that..

Mich-- I am not sure what is going on.. I guess I am not used to having someone here with me.. I am glad that she does work at night because it gives me time alone to spend with the boys... and that time with them is important to me..

I am glad that she did give me some money today.. I was getting so frustrated because I do not have a lot of money MICH!!! She should have gotten a check from disability by now. She was out of work in December and yet not one check has come.. The insurance company even did a stop payment on a check because she never received it..
Her sister has given her money and cigarettes when she needs it but that is a lot to ask of her sister because she has a husband and two children.. We cannot support her..
I know that she is back to work but she owes a lot of money for the time that she was out of work.. so now she will have to do a lot of catch-up...

Thanks for talking...

((MICH))

March 4, 2007
8:15 am
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Need,

I apologize for not responding to you sooner, I was a little overwhelmed by my own issues. I wanted to post to you, but it was like I couldn't be serious and post to anyone. Not at any length.

How are things going right now? With JC? With PS? With my SWEET SWEET little nephews? Most of all, how is the heart of my sister (YOU, Need)?

If JC is going to stay there Need she SHOULD be helping money wise. She cannot expect you to take care of her. You should NOT be putting a roof over her head, and food into her stomach. You are a single mom with two boys. You shouldn't have to worry about taking care of someone else. I am glad to hear that she did give you money, and she needs to continue to do that if she is going to stay. You do NOT owe her anything Need. Except the truth....you don't owe her your love, you don't owe her a home, you don't owe her anything. I hope that you understand that.

In the meantime, I appreciate all of your support to me on my thread. I am just having a tough couple of days. I just wanted to stop in here and tell you that I love you very much and that I am thinking about you. Please let me know how things are going for you.

Love to you my SWEET SISTER...

Mich

(((Need)))

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