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For Mich....... (* PS free here*)
February 20, 2007
9:48 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need,

Thinking of you.

Mich

(((Need)))

February 20, 2007
8:27 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich--

I will definitely spend some time answering these very good questions that you have posted to me.. Thanks for thinking of me..

I just posted to GG on the sweet need thread.

Your oldest nephew was in the emergency room today with their father and their father did not call me when my son hurt himself...

I will post more later,,,,

love
nEED

February 20, 2007
8:30 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((Need, Jake, and Matt)))

Holding you all close. Will read in a bit to see if you had the chance...just answer what you want sweets. I am NOT trying to pry. Just want to help.

Mich

Love ya

February 20, 2007
8:40 pm
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needtoheal
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MIch-------

You brought tears to my eyes.. just because you are here for me and how much you care about me...thanks

I do not consider it to be prying... Not at all...

thinking of you

I will post more later

have to get the kids to bed... I have to read to them tonight...

i will be back soon

love,
NEED

February 20, 2007
10:03 pm
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Shaney
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Hey Mich - Just popped in to say hello :o). Welcome back... glad to see you.

February 20, 2007
10:22 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich---

I am so messed up about some of the issues that I have with JC but I feel uncomfortable talking about it here .. but I will try as best as possible to explain what I am feeling...

I told her last night and this morning that we are incapatable on a physical level..
This morning after the boys left with their father,
She said that she will no longer be intimate with me and then went downstairs and before leaving to go buy some cigarettes, she told me to have a nice F-ck*[email protected] life...

I poked my head out the door and asked her to come back.
She said no.
Then I asked if she was coming back and she said that she did not know..
Then she walked back to me and came inside...

We talked for only a few minutes since I had to get ready to go to work..

This is the second time that she has walked out saying that she is done..
In all honesty Mich, what I told her is the truth. I did not provoke her nor did I tell her that I was not willing to work on things. I just said that I am unsure if I will ever be capatable....

THen she came to my work and gave me flowers..

I just feel so messed up....

As far as PS, I do not want to tell him that I am involved with her.. I am not ashamed..

I am not trying to "play" head games with him by speaking to him. Honestly, we do not even speak to each other as much as we used to..

I never was attracted to women..
and I am still not attracted to other women.. I see mostly women all the time at my job..

I think that the issues that I have with her are issues that I would have whether or not she was a man or a woman..?

I cannot really talk to anyone about it because my best friend is her identical twin sister.. (who she gets along with but sometimes she annoys her sister with her neediness and being so clingy and not taking responsibility for her own actions)..

Today was a miserable day for me...

Before work, it was a disaster because of what went on...

Then I was fine at work until my friend told me that he was leaving to go live in another state (wants to start all over with his life.,,. I was sad because he had been there for me in the past especially when I was having problems with PS who he does not like because of all the pain that he has caused me)....

Then when I was going to go on my break, JC was there. She was wondering why I had been crying and I told her about my friend telling me that he was moving to another state. Then she gave me some flowers and told me that she was sorry. I asked her what did I say that made her feel so angry --- enough anger to say that she was done and to walk out the door while saying that she hopes that I have a nice F*$%ing life? She said that she did not remember.......?!!!! She apologized.

I told her that the last time that she walked out, and then returned, she promised that she would NEVER do it again... So I told her that is why I told her that night do not say NEVER because you just never know....

On one hand, it is great and we get along.. On the other hand, she is very clingy, jealous, possessive, and insecure. And physically there are some differences.....

I hope that you can understand and help... I do not have anyone that I can talk to about this..

Thanks for offering to help and support me MIch....

You are a great person and I respect your honesty, insight, and opinion..

love.
NEED

February 20, 2007
10:34 pm
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needtoheal
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In some ways Mich I do miss PS but I do honestly know that I could never have a relationship with him. I know that he is totally incapable and I have accepted that fact instead of living with the illusion or the false hope that one day things could be better between us...

I know that it has been so hard for me to completely let go of him.. I am still trying to figure that out for myself.. But I am no longer feeling the desire to be around him.. In fact, this coming Sunday it is going to be 10 weeks ago that I last spent time with him....

That is the longest we have been apart in the 4 and a half years that I have known him.. It is an accomplishment..

((MICH)) --- my friend, my sister

February 20, 2007
11:09 pm
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ggfred4
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(((((((((((Sweet Need)))))))))))
I am so sorry you had a bad day today. Please know that I love you. Just take this relationship with JC one day at a time for now. You seem to be very honest with your answers here. I just hope you are thinking about YOU in this relationship and your happiness. Love, gg

February 20, 2007
11:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((Need)))

I do believe that there are some things that I can say/ask that might help you to start to sort some things out. We will see. BUT, I cannot do it tonight. Are you going to be around at all tomorrow? I really would like to talk to you about this. I love you and I care about you. I just want to support you, and be there for you. I have some things to say, some suggestions, and some questions to provoke more thoughts for you.

I love ya sunshine.

Mich

You are a wonderful person Need. Remember to put YOU first, I will support you in any way that I can. Remember, I have been where you are. I have...and I think that I can understand you in ways that a lot of people may not.

February 21, 2007
2:12 am
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needtoheal
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Hi Mich and GG

Thanks for answering....

It is 2 am and I had to get up to have a cigarette. Woke up Milo who was sleeping. He started crying, the little puppy. He is sooo cute!

I am working from 10-2 pm. and will be around after that.

Thanks Mich in advance for trying to help me out with all of this.. I am going to be as honest as possible.

GG-- I am going to take this relationship one day at a time for now.. sound advice my friend..

love ya both

NEED

February 21, 2007
2:50 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need are you around?

(((Need)))

I am curious as to when you are going to be around to chat for a little bit about this situation? With privacy. I really want to talk to you, but I think that it would be easier if we were both around.

Mich

February 21, 2007
2:57 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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The with privacy part was meaning that maybe JC wouldn't be around? Is that a possibility? Just so that you can feel as comfortable as you possibly can. Or do you want me to post and you just answer when it is an possible for you? Just let me know what is the easiest for you.

Mich

February 21, 2007
6:31 pm
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needtoheal
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mich---

tonight i will be able to chat without JC around.. and thanks for thinking about that aspect. I understand that you would want me to feel as comfortable as possible..

love
NEED

February 21, 2007
6:56 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi Mich---

My son (M) is feeling better. He had to wear a sling all day during school. I did not give him any of the Children's Advil because he has not complained about being in pain.

February 21, 2007
7:55 pm
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ggfred4
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Holding you close, sweet need!!!

February 21, 2007
8:31 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need,

I am glad that M is feeling better.

Are you around?

February 21, 2007
9:01 pm
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needtoheal
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I am here.. It is almost 9 pm Eastern..

I am getting the boys to bed.. what a difficult night.. AGAIN..

Their father called (M's) cell phone that he got for him. He called the cell first .. two seconds later he called the house phone. I answered. I asked him why does he just call the house phone so it will not take away the minutes for the pre-paid phone. Their father got so sarcastic with me. He said "this is how it works: if (M) calls him then there is a charge of a dollar and then they can talk all the time that they want since it is mobile-to-mobile. I said that I understood.
I do not understand after 6 years of being separated, WHY does this man still speak to me so rudely???
I do NOT deserve this type of talk and disrespect. Girls-- honestly, I have taken responsibility for my part in the demise of our marriage and have worked hard to understand what went wrong....
But then again this man is passive-aggressive and I guess I have to take that into account for his actions like yesterday when he sat in his car when he brought the boys home and did not even get out of the car and had (J) bring in the papers from the hospital...

I hope that you are both around tonight. If not, I am sorry if I missed you both...

love,
NEED

February 21, 2007
9:10 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need, I am around...if you need to put the kids to bed, go ahead...I will be here...just let me know when you have a few to chat...

February 21, 2007
9:20 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks Mich.. we are doing our feelings wheel.. I told them that when we are done, they need to be quiet and rest.. they agreed that they will not argue with me for more time. It seems like they are really testing me a lot Mich. I know that is normal for two boys at the ages of 7 & 9 but I am just so tired. I have been so exhausted lately.. so I definitely know how you feel sometimes. I cannot imagine having 4 kids. You are amazing and inspiring!!

How are you doing Mich??

and GG I am thinking of you as well. Thanks for holding me close. You are wonderful.. How was your day at work?

February 21, 2007
9:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am ok Need...thanks for asking

February 21, 2007
9:27 pm
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needtoheal
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I had a talk with JC in the middle of the night. Like I mentioned, I woke up in the middle of the night and MILO was crying so it also woke her up as well. She brought Milo outside and we sat and talked. We continued to talk until 5:30 this morning. I had to get up and get ready for work before the boys woke up at 7 am. so I am really running on empty tonight.

We discussed the problems with our relationship further. She wanted to know how I felt and I told her exactly how I felt about things. I told her that I need to take care of myself some more. I told her that we needed to maybe separate-- her going to live with her mother who is about an hour away. She does not want to commute an hour to work and she has no where else to go.. Then she said that she does not see why we would do that because we do not spend enough time together now that she is back to work since I work days and she works the second shift..
When she came home at 11:30 last night I was already passed out. She woke me up by turning on the light in the room but I only woke up to ask her what time it was and fell back to sleep.

February 21, 2007
9:32 pm
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needtoheal
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Pondscum left a message this morning on the cell phone. He wanted to say hello and he said that I must be either at work or doing some things since I did not answer the phone. Sometimes Mich I would love to throw the cell phone in the river like I wanted to do a while ago... right in the pondscum!!!!!

He called again later on in the afternoon when I was done with work and picking up the boys from school. I did not even hear the phone or feel it vibrate.

I called and he just wanted to say hello. He complained about his work.. yada yada yada. and then he said that he has a playstation game for me that he got as a christmas present for me that I did not receive (I told him after finding those pictures on his cell phone that i did not want to see him anymore and that also meant at CHristmas time too...)
I was thinking that he is trying to "DANGLE THE CARROT" slowly again. He has the intention of seeing me again by saying that he has this game for me that i would like.. Interesting??????

February 21, 2007
9:32 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need, do you believe that you want to spend the rest of your life with her? What do you believe in YOUR heart has been the foundation of your relationship with JC?

February 21, 2007
9:33 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich--

Thank you for wanting to talk with me and share your thoughts, insight and for all of your support. I want you to know that I truly appreciate it....

February 21, 2007
9:35 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I want to support you in any way that I can Need...I have been where you are...

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