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For kmshull's husband:
March 2, 2004
7:00 am
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artist 2
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You said:

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He mentioned that many men are impulsive and don't necessarily think of the ramifications of their actions. Many men are in the here and now. Stereotypically, they let their you-know-what lead the way. Perhaps he wanted it yesterday and didn't think about the consequences. You rejected him which gave him a chance to think about it. It might be that he decided he really didn't want it because of the affect it might have on you or between the two of you and he changed his mind. Perhaps he was just horny and willing to "use" you last night, but given a chance to think about it, it decided it might make the situation of you two breaking up, more complicated.

Just a different perspective. It's possible that he may have just not liked the rejection as well. Plain and simple.

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I told him I still loved him and missed him and that my heart was open to him. And he said he loved and missed me too, but that our personalities just don't work together well. Then, I told him that I would not because we weren't in a relationship any more. Do you think that's why he kept trying - do get what he couldn't have? Then, why did he seem so cold to me the next day if he was just messing around casually? Did he really feel hurt because I didn't want to show my love to him?

March 2, 2004
9:16 am
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kmshull
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Asked hubby about it and in summary form, this is his reply:
If he was "messing around" casually, he might have acted cold about it the next day because he didn't want to get called on it. He didn't want to have to explain his actions. He might have been trying to get some from you because (and please don't take this the wrong way) he thought you were a sure thing. Obviously you both had a sexual relationship in the past; perhaps he isn't getting any now. Most men don't use sex as a way of showing their love or expressing their emotions. That doesn't mean it can't be emotional when it's with someone you love. But it's usually more a physical thing and he might have just wanted to get laid. As far as him loving you too - I don't know if he was just saying that to get sex or if he really meant it. I don't know the guy. But, if he really does love you, he may just be thinking about what is best. If you are having too many conflicts or your personalities don't mesh, he might be tired of trying to make it work. He might be doing what he thinks is best for him and you both - to break off the relationship.

From kmshull - my personal advice from this thread and the other one I replied on last night ....
Don't act too desperate to get him back. If he is pulling away because of the issues you both have had in the past, then acting desperate and telling him over and over that you still love him and want him back may only push him farther away. Imagine him trying to distance himself from you and you are chasing him. What is his natural response? To keep running in the other direction. Let him live his life. You work on yours. If he really is interested in getting back together with you, he's going to have to make the move. You can't force it. I know it's easier said than done. Just my two cents.

March 2, 2004
9:23 am
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I believe he really does love me and cares about me. I know he is tired of trying to make it work, but if I could tell him how much I understand now that I've been out of the situation, I keep hoping he'll reconsider. I want to tell him I know what to work on in myself that will make things work. I don't really feel desperate, just want to love him. If I let him live his life he'll forget about me and I'll lose that chance forever.

I read a book once that said if you want to get the love you lost back, keep reminding them you still love and miss them. Even if they start dating someone else, let them know you are not dating around and want only them. Eventually they are convinced that your love is stronger than even the person they are seeing at the time.

March 2, 2004
8:49 pm
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"If I let him live his life he'll forget about me and I'll lose that chance forever. "

I can see how you might think that, but put yourself in his shoes. If you separated yourself from someone because you felt the relationship was unhealthy and you were frustrated and exhausted from trying to make it work ... How would you feel if that person kept telling you over and over that they wanted you back? I think I would want my own space to be able to think about it. If he really does love you, those feelings don't just go away overnight. Just because he is distancing himself doesn't mean he is forgetting about you. Even if he dates someone else, it might just remind him that he would rather be with you. But don't you think you need to let him make that decision for himself?

March 3, 2004
6:40 am
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Yes, you are right.

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