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May 2, 2007
8:25 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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been in a (recently realized)co-dependant relationship with my wife for the last 10 years. about a year after we wed she took the brakes off of her drinking and started guzzling. she still went to work and ws functional but her health(liver)was starting to fail. i've always drank socially and when i tried to get her to just slow down it did no good. i remember the time i came out and found her lying in the driveway in mid-day, and thought she had just passed out, but then saw the blood in her hair, so i cleaned her up best i could and put her to bed. classic codependency signs looking back on it.
well she finally got sober after 4 or 5 times thru rehab(one lasting 3 months while i struggled with all our bills, damn near got evicted, and i applaud her for that. but all this has stressed me out(along with my moms' cancer, who recently passed away) severely and i just don't feel the same way as when we met and the married. so three weeks ago i moved out, and told her i wasn't happy and wanted to seperate for a while to de-stress and try to figure things out. well she just begs me to come home and work on our issues. feeling real guilty for causing her pain but therapy right now would just be another sresser for me. almost had an ulcer kill me 5 years ago, don' want that again.

so i told her to give me a couple months, gonna try and hit a coda meeting in my town.

feedback welcomed, had to tell someone, literally no friends nor my boss know.


May 2, 2007
9:26 pm
sad sack
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Welcome! First, let me tell you that you are definitely taking positive steps in your own recovery. You recognized that you are codependent and that you want to change. That is an important first step. You next realized that you needed to take care of yourself and you separated yourself from your wife. That must have been a difficult thing to do but you did it. And you stuck to your guns (that is sometimes even more difficult).

I respect what you have done. And I think going to support groups is definitely a positive step. You are doing all the right things. Do not let your wife guilt you into doing something you don't feel right doing. Remember, the best way to help her is to put the responsibiiity for her care in her hands. She will not take full care of herself if you are always there to pick up the pieces.

Good luck and keep posting. You will find incredible support on this site.

Sad Sack

May 10, 2007
8:23 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks sack, thought this thread didn't get posted so just posted a new one.

it is reassuring that i'm doing the right things, but doesn't change my feelings of guilt. hurting someone you really care about is never pleasant.

been working too late to get to the local coda meeting but still trying.

she is now wanting to go out on dates instead of trying to move me back in, and i know that is her path to achieve her goal, so i am leary. still thinking.

thanks again. flegen

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