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first day of NC, help me thru it?
September 15, 2005
11:21 am
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alyssa
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Today is the first day of no contact. It is a situation with a friend that has turned out to not be so good for either of us. This will be easy for the other person but not for me because I like to fix everything. Or better said I like to try to make other people fix things. either way, this person can walk away pretty easy and I can't. Just any support I can draw strength from would be greatly appreciated. I need to move on and not worry about this person. It has become unhealthy. How do I not keep reaching out? I can't, it's time to move on. Is it going to get easier each day I don' have contact. cuz the thought of it right now makes me very sad.

September 15, 2005
11:31 am
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taj64
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Hi. I was the same way a month ago. It does get easier. I took everything so hard, suffered a lot. No contact though a difficult concept, in the long run, will help you to heal faster. It is ok to be sad, ok to feel pain, ok to just feel whatever you feel right now. Try to work on yourself and think about the positive things in your life. It is good that you realize it is unhealthy for you to be in this situation. It is opening the door for something else that is healthier for you. In all experiences even if it is unhealthy, you learn some important lessons and take that with you. As you heal, feel the pain, listen to your heart, and know that it will go away. It is important to feel it though so don't be afraid of it. Remember an unhealthy relationship is the hardest to leave, no surprise. If you look at your past relationships that were healthy, it didn't seem to be so hard, or long to get over. But you really will heal, I promise.

September 15, 2005
11:48 am
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alyssa
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I don't like to face the truth about things very easily, actually I don't know why, but life happens to me. I'm usually not in control really. So this is a big step for me. I know it is going to be best. I don't like the sadness and pain. I guess it's a loss of the good times that makes me sad. Because there were good times. but there has been hurt lately. and that isn't going to go away unless this friendship is over, and i move on.

I'm so glad to hear that I wont feel this way always. I just have to be committed to NC for today and then recommitt myself each day.

Thank you for being out there for me.
You've made it a month, huh? how are you doing?

September 15, 2005
11:56 am
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gayle
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Alyssa,
I went through something similar. Something that worked for me was to take their phone number out of my phone so it would be harder to call, text etc. If there were certain times during the day that we usually talked I tried to find something different to do during that time, its good if the something different involves you taking care of YOU in some way. It is a big hard but necessary step and you can do it! I am proud of you!

September 15, 2005
11:59 am
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taj64
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Im doing ok. Just knowing that this person cannot hurt me anymore and I don't have to be in the middle anymore is relief. Yet I do still struggle here and there. I do miss him. But I am also angry too. I keep in mind that this will pass in time. I have heard it takes quite a few months to really get it out of the system. Kind of like a withdrawal. Hurts at first, but afterwhile lessens. Also keep in mind that NC is beneficial to you so stay committed to YOU. Have a relationship with yourself. It really is so hard you know, but you will get through it. So will I.

September 15, 2005
12:04 pm
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gayle
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Hi Taj- been thing of you!

September 15, 2005
12:08 pm
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taj64
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Hi Gayle, been thinking of you too. How are you?

Alyssa, Gayle and I know about no contact, just in case you were wondering.

September 15, 2005
12:13 pm
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gayle
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Doing pretty good taking it day by day. Feeling positive. Making sure to spend time with my boys and with myself. He and I are doing pretty good. Taking things slow. I talked to him about things on my mind and he was very attentive and sensitive to my needs. Going to go see him this weekend and spend a little time together. We are being open but each taking time for ourselves with our friends. Working on being healty. How are you hunny?

September 15, 2005
12:34 pm
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taj64
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Hi. Im doing ok. Like you taking it day by day. Glad to see you are working things out and in healthy way. It sure beats feeling hurt. I have a struggle ahead of me but Im proactive about it. My heart still healing ever so slowly but healing just the same. I have changed. I feel much more subdued, and different. I also feel like I have to protect myself right now, if this makes any sense. I am much more cautious. I went from feeling sexy to not so interested in this aspect. Im not laying around moping yet still not quite feeling right with the world. This will take time, the harder the fall the harder to climb up right?

September 15, 2005
1:51 pm
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alyssa
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Gayle, thanks, you are right. I was thinking the same thing. In fact I just got home from going tanning. The fake and bake felt good and passed some time during when we usually talk. I'm going to take the number out of my phone right now. thanks again!

It feels good to have the two of you on and leading the way for me. It's harder then I thought it would be when i made the decision to do this. The good thing is I think I recognize that i needed to do it early on so hopefully I can heal and move on soon.

Well wishes to the two of you in your journeys.

Thank you - I'll check in a little later and post how i am holding up!

September 15, 2005
2:15 pm
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gayle
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alyssa- you are welcome! we are here for you and do keep us posted! Take care and good luck! You can do it!

Taj-I know what you mean about going from feeling sexy to not feeling right. Thats normal I think b/c you have gone through some pretty hard times. The more time you spend on you the more you will begin feeling more like yourself but a much better version of you. When you feel that sense of empowerment it will be like an awakening. Keep taking care of you, you are relearning a behavior and in time it will become a habit. I have learning quite a bit about myself from talking to you! Thank you for making such a difference to me.

September 15, 2005
2:19 pm
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taj64
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Now that hit the spot Gayle. I didn't think of it that way. As in relearning. I feel better now. This was the perfect thread for me today. Thanks Alyssa for starting it. You guys are great.

September 15, 2005
3:11 pm
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gayle
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That is great Taj! Have a great day, hon!

September 15, 2005
7:58 pm
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alyssa
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Well, I have made it through most of my day. I have kept busy, worked in the yard this afternoon and went to jigs. birthday party. was such great fun. Now I am just kinda in a low point thinking about things i shouldn't. I can't stop thinking about this person, and how much I want to contact em. but I wont. Off i go to find something else to do. hopefully i don't weaken.

September 16, 2005
4:02 am
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alyssa
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Well, I have made it through one whole day. That means I can make it through another whole day, right? Had a couple of times I thought I might cave in but I came back here and re-read what was here. It helped me alot. So now I'll sleep and then face a new day tomorrow, with no contact.

September 16, 2005
9:01 am
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gayle
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Alyssa! Good for you! I am glad you had a good day and made it! Like you said you only have to make it one day at a time! Have a great weekend!

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