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first break up
February 16, 2005
2:52 pm
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dawl
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You know, I really wish I knew how much breaking up with your first love would hurt...I would have entered the relationship with a lot more caution. We were both each others' first boyfriend/girlfriend. I graduated college and am taking a year off to apply to grad. school. Life seems so mundane without my bestfriend around. I see him at church every Sunday and it hurts to hear about how well he's doing or how he likes another girl and spends his time with her. It's so hard to let go...so hard to find peace. It's so hard to get him out of my life when he is so embedded in it. Why is every song on the radio about him? It's been 7 months since the break up, but only 3 months since a total separation (we still spoke and hung out after the break up, but that was torture to the both of us...so we finally decided on no contact 3 weeks ago...except having to glance at each other at church services). The whole story gets really messy, but the point is I need help and ideas on moving on with my life and learning to love myself again...to be independent and a free spirit again. I'm attending my first CoDa meeting tonight.

February 16, 2005
3:02 pm
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CAMER
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good luck at your first Coda meeting, i am sure you will love it.

How about going to church at a different day/time..that way you won't see him....(outta site/outta mind).

And just know that you did everything you could for the relationship, not sure why you both broke up, but think good thoughts and know that there is a whole world out there ready for you.

Keep coming back & posting...ok!!

((camer)))

February 16, 2005
3:28 pm
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art angel
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dawl-

I recently went through my first break up with my first boyfriend ever, too. It is the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. And I've gone through quite a bit. I am going to grad school next year, too, and hope to have a new start. I am almost 23. I hope you're having a good day.

love,

art angel

February 16, 2005
5:22 pm
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dawl
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You are all so sweet to respond. What a great group of people. I just turned 22 in December and I'm trying to battle the thought of dieing an old and lonely woman. Well, I guess that's not the fear...the fear is never getting over him. I can just imagine years from now bumping into him and wondering "what if?" after both of us are married to different people. We were as intimate as 2 people can be without the physical (we never even kissed...just held hands and cuddled). Anyway, he broke up with me because since I had been his first girlfriend, he felt he needed to go find himself so he can figure out what he wants in life and in a woman. He said we needed to grow apart and become whole people before moving ahead in our relationship. I was graduating college at the time and I guess he freaked out. He still needs 2 years of college to get through (he's been working and going to school part-time so he's fallen behind) and I guess he wanted to be free of any "hindrances." He did call me his "Achilles" heel. I don't get it and I guess I shouldn't even try to get it. I feel so quit on and betrayed. I don't know what happened to me. I used to be such a happy and spirited girl, now I just feel like the life's been sucked out of me.

February 16, 2005
5:55 pm
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addicts wife
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Dawl,
i feel your pain, and Im sorry that U are hurting right now. I am very proud of you for searching out, finding and going to a CoDa meeting, that is a big deal, and It should be empoweing, and encouraging for you. Take it easy on yourself, too. You will find your place , your "comfort zone" and try to keep busy. Pamper yourself, and set your boundaries, and do things you like, or may like but never found the courage to do before... try taking yourself out to lucnh, alone, bring a magazine, or a book...
I hope your meeting goes great tonight, let us know how it all went!! Take good care of yourself!!! 🙂

February 16, 2005
6:29 pm
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Rasputin
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Sweet dawl, my heart goes out to you!
You have just reminded me of my first love. It was the most difficult. I was devastated. So, I know how you feel and you are hurting.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

February 17, 2005
11:15 am
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dawl
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Thank you to all who have responded; it really makes a difference to know people understand and support. Well I went to my first CoDa meeting last night. It was amazing. I was so scared walking in, not knowing anyone, but once the meeting started, I felt so at home. People are really trying to combat the issue of codependency and are taking responsibility for their behaviors by dealing with their pasts. What a strong and courageous group of people. Every story I heard in the room had a piece of me in it. I found myself somewhere in everyone's personal lives (because I could totally understand where they were coming from). In order to detach from an unhealthy relationship you really do need new relationships that will make you stronger. I totally recommend everyone to go to at least 1 meeting. It is a really great experience and you meet such beautiful, spiritual people.

February 19, 2005
1:25 pm
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Lavenderblue
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Dawl, my son is 28. Right before he graduated from college, he met a girl (of his dreams....so he thought). His father and I were letting him going to Europe for a couple of months and travel around after graduation. He had already studied abroad in England one summer during college. So as soon as he graduated he went on his trip. I didn't know all this at the time as he was out of state at school, but I guess he spent most of his time in Europe obsessing over this girl and really it turned out to be a wasted trip. He hung in internet cafes always trying to stay in contact with her, etc. When he came back to the states she dumped him immediately and he was devistated. It took him years to finally get over her. His father and I both told him that everyone gets dumped at sometime, no matter who you are and nothing hurts worse. I remember it happening to me and I thought the world would end, that there would never be anyone else in my life. You are so young and have so much life ahead you and it sounds like you are taking the right steps in moving forward. You will never forget your first love, but you will get over it, I promise. Good luck and keep moving forward.

February 21, 2005
4:23 pm
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dawl
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Thanks Lavenderblue. I will take your word on the fact that i WILL get over him...eventually. It helps to not see him or hear about him. I'm just afraid that if I run into him at some point in the future all the feelings will come flooding back and then I'm back to square one. I went away for the weekend on a church retreat and met some really great people. It was nice to not focus on the break up.

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