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Financially irresponsible and new baby
June 22, 2000
3:39 pm
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susan
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hi, well I have a new baby with my husband ( ten yrs ) and I have just found out that he has been screwing with our tax money and we owe a huge amount of money. I am so shocked and angry. He was verbally, emotionally abusive to me in the past. We have come a long way, i with codependency issues andhim with abusor/control issues. We were what I thought recovered and healthy until this.
I am so angry.
HE says, ok so im to blame, lets get over it and deal with it.
The only way to deal with this is to go bankrupt ( we have 2 joint businesses )
or be in debt to them for the next ten years.
I was planning on buying a home in the new year but now I dont think we will be able to.
This was the single most imp thing to me.
Whats also bad, he is working less and earning half of what he used to. He says hes tired, he was a workaholic, I am glad he no longer works those long hrs but he seems to have lost all ambition. I am really pissed.
He is paying our employees and supplies with our savings and putting off collecting from our contracts in a responsible way.
I, as his wife, am also liable for his financial irresponsibility. I dont want the tax man to touch my savings. This was meant as a deposit for our home.
I am so angry. Please, any help would be great Thankyou

June 22, 2000
3:45 pm
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susan
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HE had the business in his name last year and I told him to put the tax money in an account so he couldnt touch it, he was spending it.
Last year he was drinking and working like a maniac. He was loud, abusive and a jerk off. I almost left him.
He has changed since then, but now I am so upset, I need to care for my children and not be stressed and worried about this financial predicament he has put us in.
I now feel that I again will gave to be mom, business owner, provider, but that was my overresponsble codep stuff and I will not go back to that. My children need me 100 percent.
Why cant he keep things normal? What a jerk off!!!!!!!!! We were doing so great, im really hurt and depressed by all this.
I feel that I really need to take everything into my own hands as I have most of my life, but this put me into mental and emotional exhaustion in the past. My health is most imp for me and my children.
I need some kind, wise words...thankyou

June 23, 2000
8:23 am
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Spirit
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Susan: Breathe. Take a deep cleansing breath and let it out slowly. Now, stay calm. Contact your attorney, you do have one for your businesses, right? If not, get one that you feel comfortable with. The tax man is a serious issue, not to be put off. As you said, you are also responsible for his lack of attention to the matter. Taking charge of your life, and watching out for the welfare of your children isn't being co-dep, its being real. One step at a time. Seek legal advise, then work on the rest. Above all else, BREATHE. Come back and vent here, you need an outlet, if only to find a slice of peacefulness during the storm.

June 24, 2000
8:40 am
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janes
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Call the tax people and get on a payment plan. In some cases...if you sign a contract that the total bill will be paid then they might...stop adding interest.

Get some accounts in your name only to protect funds for you and the kids.

You can be ingenious about how to handle all this. Being angry sure doesn't help you does it? You have the right to be angry but staying angry is not good for you or for the kids.

Why is the ONLY way to deal with it to go bankrupt? He has a huge bill to pay...going bankrupt (and then not having to pay that bill) will not help him be responsible. Larry Burkett, a Christian financial counselor says that even if Christians have to file for banruptcy they STILL owe those bills and should pay them.

I owed the IRS money and just got on a payment plan and paid it off.

You should also have an accountant who keeps the books and not your husband. The tax money should go into an account without his name on it.

Your kids....yes they need you. They need you to nurture them and care for them...that isn't co dep. Thinking that they need YOU 100% IS codep. You need a life outside your children... maybe that is going to mean working in the businesses....your children will not fault you for providing...or for working.

Mostly your kids need you healthy and not codep. In your financial situation which is not your fault you may not be able to be there with the kids 100% of the time. That's okay.
Call your attornney. He may be able to set you up with a credit counselor that will help you deal with the IRS for the best deal you can get. Ideally that would be no interest on the back $$$ owed while a payment plan is set up.

Yeah...you may be dealing with this for a long time but it is something that can be handled.

I dealt with my back tax issue directly with the IRS. Mostly they want their money... If you don't want to do the attorney thing call an account, a tax accountant and they may know other avenues besides bankruptcy. Thay step will affect your credit forever whereas other avenues may not.

Good luck

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