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Finally reliazing the Truth
September 29, 2003
12:11 pm
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bel
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September 29, 2010
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I think I finally know that my son does not live me, I think he loves me but does not like me. It does hurt me and it hurts me the way he talks to me and treats me and I wish I knew what I do wrong. Because I obviusly do set him off somehow. There can be times when he is happy to talk with me but he always makes it clear that he and girlfriend and kids are his family and I am a seperate family I dont belong.

Last night I came home with two hats and two sun visors with my grandsons football logo on them. The hats were for my son and grandson and the visors for myself and girlfriend, I showed them to him (they had company a family of four) and I told him where I got them and who they were for, he loved them took the two hats and gave the male friend one hat and kept the other, girlfriend said she wanted a visor so I gave her one then my grandson came and said where is mine so I gave him my visor, then girlfriend gave her visor to woman visitor. That is not the way it was supposed to happen but what could I do.

Anyhow I went into the house (they were all in garage) and then girlfriend comes in with visor I had given grandson and I felt really bad so when she layed visor down I took it because I had wanted one for myself (I know that was wrong) and put it in my room.

After vistors left grandson comes to my room and says dad gave him one of his hats so he would not feel bad and that is how girlfriend got his visor. I told son I took the visor back because I had wanted one and he says no that is for (girlfriend) and I said well you know I had wanted the hats to go to you and grandson and girlfriend and I get the visors but you proceeded to give them to vistors. (son is kind of drunk) He just blows up and says you know what forget it you keep the $%^%$$ hats and I better not see grandson wearing any of them and anyhow were the team not you! Then he proceeded to tell me he was sick of me that I was just like his ex and I can join her team and he wants nothing to do with me and my grandson is off limits to me. My grandson cannot not even talk to me come to my room or spend anytime with me. All of this kind of situation has happened many times before but by the next day son is all happy and acts like nothing happened. I have decided that if he talks to me he needs to apoligize to me and know how he hurts me, I am also going to tell him that I will be moving out as soon as I have the money so he better go get to work to support "his family".

I know you have all heard this before and no one need respond, I just had to write it all down for me.

Broken in California

September 29, 2003
12:24 pm
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tracylyn
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Once again Bel....I want to just come and kick his ass!!!!!!

I'm sorry you have to put up with that. After everything you have done for him, and girlfriend and grandson. He has no right.

Please take a stand with him Bel. He cannot treat you that way. Set some boundaries....if you say nothing, then he thinks it's ok the next time.

I'd say you need to get out of there as soon as you can. You need to be able to enjoy your life and use your energy taking care of you...not dealing with him. That way too, you and your grandson can enjoy the relationship that you should be.

Ugggg, he pisses me off.

September 29, 2003
12:29 pm
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tooscared
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Bel, I am right behind Tracy wanting to kick his butt. I have wanted to do it many times.

You know as I was reading this it hit me that he is still acting like a teenage boy who doesn't want to have anything to do with his mom except have her around for a cash supply and food on the table. You know they are suppose to grow out of that. It is high time that he realizes that it is going to end and end right now.

Do you realize what head games he is playing with your grandson too? To tell him he can't have anything to do with his grandma and then pretend like nothing ever happened is sick.

Bel, you have to make a plan and then stick to it. That plan has to be to get away from your son. Forget about whether or not he can make it financially. He will survive. You have to survive too.

I care about you Bel, and I just want to come and move you out myself.
Love, TS

September 29, 2003
12:44 pm
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Ladeska
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Oh what a whiney baby BRAT!!!! Um, can we say alcoholic, too?

You just need to be out of there, Bel, no way is this going to work or get better.

For one, you have no boundaries and he knows that. You let him run all over you, therefore he thinks nothing of doing it. This has been a pattern, no doubt, for many years.

You should have left the visors that were yours, in the car and only given them - theirs to do with what they will. But when they wanted the ones you wanted to keep......"you gave them away" right? He can't read your mind and especially won't be able to under the influence of alchohol. So this push and pull kind of thing back and forth with you guys, no doubt, has a big history to it and is what I affectionately call "crazymaking".

How would they have known you had planned to keep them? Sounds like he's quite the spoiled little thing, too. He has a large problem with respect. I'm surprised he still has his teeth in his head.

You guys can work on your own independent lives but doing it together under the same roof, just isn't going to work.

September 29, 2003
1:12 pm
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bel
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Thanks Tracy, TS and Ladeska, what you all write here is very true and no I guess I dont have any boundaries and truthfully I dont know how to set any. I am going to move no doubt but I need to save the money first. I have to hope that when I do move he will let my grandson visit me and if not I will keep in contact with him through him mother. My grandson seems like he has already grown up and tells me not to worry when he grows up he will come and get me to go live with him.

Another thing my son does is go through his depression days where he wants to commit suicide and walks around crying and like a zombie. And he says he is very sick of his throat and he has cancer, so if I have any thought of leaving knowing that makes me feel guilty but now IM wondering how much of that is true? My son has not grown up and yes he really does need his ass kicked and I have told him that before. I have tried to reason with him, talk and listen all to no avail.....its time to move on and as you all tell me to live my life the way I want to and need to.

Thank you

September 29, 2003
2:21 pm
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artist 2
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My stepgrand-mom had the same problem with step-daughter. She was awful to her. So, she set boundaries by just not speaking to her - period.

I agree profoundly with getting away. It's good that you have another way to your grandson. I just wouldn't speak to the son until he can prove himself worthy.

September 29, 2003
3:13 pm
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gingerleigh
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Run run run! You're life is way too valuable to waste it running in circles there, trying to please everyone and harming yourself in the process. You deserve better.

September 29, 2003
7:06 pm
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Alena
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Bel, another mom of another son here.
I just wanted to send you a huge hug and tell you I feel your hurt, I feel your frustration with son and grandson. I've read most of your posts from the beginning and I think you are one of those wonderful moms who gets nothing but a swift kick in the pants for all her love and caring.

God bless you Bel, do what you can for you, son does not deserve you, but grandson does... ((((((Bel))))))))

September 30, 2003
12:13 pm
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bel
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I just want to say a big Thank You to Tracy, Ladeska, Tooscared, Alena, ginger and Artist2. Thank you for caring and writing it does help when you get feedback and to know I can come here and write what happens and how Im feeling. Right now I have not been home much only to sleep and son and girlfriend are not talking to me, I will be home early this eveing because my grandson will be there and we like to hug and kiss and talk for a few moments and those moments are sneaked and stolen time when son is not around....isnt that terrible? I never thought my life would be this way with my own son.

Have a good day all of you...
Bel

September 30, 2003
12:42 pm
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Ladeska
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That's sooo messed up Bel, that he is treating you this way and her, too. I can't wait for you to get out of this crap. I wouldn't be eating any dirt here either. I mean if they want to really "talk" and not be abusive, that's one thing. Anything other than that - then sobeit, don't talk to me, ya know? This little boy needs to grow up and become a "man".

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