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Finally can say I am in PAIN
August 11, 2007
11:11 pm
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Rilin
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Hello.... Boy codepedency is a real bitch! I am new at this whole thing, Talking in a forum likes this, I already attend a regular support group, maybe this way I wont ramble b/c my typing sux n e way. I wanted to introduce myself b4 i just jumped into any conversations. I battle coda due to my moms(rip) and step-dads drug addiction. If I wanted something I had to provide it. While helping provide for my household. i never want to admit that it is PAINFULL. Absolutely painful!!!! Because i have programmed myself to not feel pain. Maybe b/c i was an athlete or b/c pain is a sign of weakness. I cannot be weak or vulnerable. It is the hardest thing ever to say i am hurting, i am in emotional pain, please comfort me. B/c i was not comforted at the times i needed it most. i always kid about this one lady i know who always complains about so much causing her so much pain. I want to scream at her and tell her to get over it B/c life is painful. but really it is because i cant come to terms with the fact that iam in pain. so this will be real liberating for me.I can write(or type) my feelings out rather than speak. I wont ramble (as much!) later

August 11, 2007
11:22 pm
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fantas
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Rilin,
Welcome to the site. There is a thread here called "trust and Vulnerability" something like that about this very issue of being unable to share your pain. I totally can relate to wanting to tell people who tell all their pain to anyone who will listen to get over it already. Like you, I have now figured out that it's because I am uncomfortable sharing my pain. I pride myself on being able to stay strong regardless of the situation. I rarely cry for my pain but I am all sympathetic to others. I actually feel shame when I admit that something is bothering me.

I am learning to share little by little about my pain and aches and this site has been very helpful. I can write what I am feeling here and real people actually read, relate, and respond. It's really cool.

So keep posting.

August 11, 2007
11:28 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey, Rilin...welcome.

This is a very supportive place.

I can relate to not wanting to feel pain. For me it's because I've tended to be the one to "hold it all together" in a situation for so long that, when I finally do surrender to the pain, I am barely able to function...go on crying jags...drink too much...and am able to think of nothing else BUT the pain.

I've found over the past month that I can deal with being in pain so long as I don't give the pain, like, too much greater importance than anything else. Like I'll feel it, but I'll also make an effort to use some of my energies on a project at work, or clearing junk out of my apartment. I talk about the pain with my friends, but I'll make an effort to talk about other things, too, such as my nephews, or the news, or whatever they might bring up.

Writing about it helps a lot, too, whether here or in a journal or in an IM discussion with a friend. For me the pain discharges somewhat through the keyboard.

I'm glad you're here. 🙂

NE

August 12, 2007
1:24 am
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Rilin
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Trust... Thats an interesting too. I feel I cant trust anyone to anything right b/c i do everything. I dont want n e one doing me n e favors b/c then they make this huge big damn deal about it and drives me crazy.thats the controlling part of coda behavior. and the distrust. how can i trust someone who keeps letting me down. who chooses something else over me.Im so glad i looked this issue up b/c i felt like it was quicksand swallowing me. I dont mind running #2 to somethings, but i want to know that i am still 1st of importance. but i cannot control what other people think say or do,not even my own husband. that is another thread 4 later.... Rilin

August 17, 2007
10:25 pm
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Rilin-

Welcome to this site. Writing here helps me a lot, I hope it works for you. There are a lot of things we can't talk about to people in our lives, or we have no one in our lives to talk about, or maybe we just want input from people who's lives have imbued them with that wisdom that only comes from experience.

You will find a lot of kindness, compassion and diversity here- enough to make you feel you are a lot less alone.

-ella

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