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Fimiliarity Breeds?
April 17, 2004
2:56 pm
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Worried_Dad
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"natty"

Said

My therapist told me the other day I keep staying in bad relationships because they are ``familiar''.

and that's a thread.

April 18, 2004
9:32 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Yes WD, I would agree with that. To me, the unknown is so much more frightening than what I'm already familiar with.

I had a friend I used to work with. Anytime anything changed in our dept., we would look at each other and say,,,"change bad."

Though I've changed mates and situations in my life many times, it never gets easier. And the older I get, the harder it is!! W.

April 20, 2004
12:24 am
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zack
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yes - we stick with what we know even if it is bad for us. so much for the theory of hedonistic behavior. it is unreal to me but in the field i am in i see it everyday. i can not put my finger on it other than it is what we know.

April 20, 2004
4:08 am
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lewis
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yet i don't understand why we fear change so much, when we are so adaptable?

the issues are why have we become so 'lazy' with our lives?

: )

April 20, 2004
5:27 am
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Kessie
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Lewis; we haven't become lazy.
As a child develops, he/she learns different things at different times. There are optimum times for learning behaviour associated with personal relationships, just as there are optimum times for learning motor skills like walking etc. It is much harder later in life to unlearn 'unhealthy' behaviour and responses and replace them with 'healthy' ones.
If you learn, say, the piano, you know it takes a considerable time to get up to a good standard; and you have to practice. The same goes for any learned behaviour.
Think about the old Chinese practice of binding feet. It is one hell of a lot harder to learn to walk normally if you've had your feet 'bound' most of your life, than if your toes are naturally free from birth. The same priciple applies to 'bound' emotional strategies.
Add to that your genetic disposition, which also has a part to play; ie the circumstances which emotionally cripple one child may not have the same effect on another.
Also, you have to be very highly motivated to change, otherwise, so long as life is just about bearable - it's easier to stay as we are.

April 21, 2004
12:46 am
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LA Rosa
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Perhaps it could be a self-concept issue. After reading on the subject of self-concept, I think it explains quite a lot about why we humans can tend to find it difficut to change or pattern of behaviour.

Self-concept requires consistency, stabbility, and tends to resist change. If self-concept changed readily, the individual would lack a consistent and dependable peronality.

Individuals strive to behavein ways that are in keeping with their self-concepts, no mater how helpful or hurtful to oneself or others.

Self-concept continually guards itself against loss of self-esteem, for it is this loss that produces feelings of anxiety.

If self-concept must continually defend itself from assault, growth opportunities are limited.

Individuals have within themselves relatively boundless potential to developing a positive self-concept. This potential can be realised by people, places, policies, programs, and processes that are intentionally designed to invite the realisation of this potential.

Self-concept can even take precedence over the physical body. Individuals will often sacrifice physical comfort and safety for emotional satisfaction. etc etc etc

.....and self concept is learned, organised, and dynamic.

April 21, 2004
7:46 am
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Wanttobewell
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Thanks LA Rosa,,,,I'm going to do some reading on this!!!! I sure do and have learned a lot here!!! W.

April 21, 2004
10:12 am
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lewis
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i still reckon we can be lazy about life - & sometimes we make really clever excuses up why we shouldn't, and what we are doing.

fears and doubts - they can ruin your life

: )

April 22, 2004
11:59 pm
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LA Rosa
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Thank you too - Wanttobewell - and it may interest you to know where I read about 'The Overview of Self-Concept Theory'. It is at........

http://www.ericdigests.org/pre.....1/self.htm

Lewis - Do you think the fears and doubts could come - basically - from an injured self-concept - that requires some attention and healing? We are just sooo clever at justifying our actions - too clever for our own good at times. 🙂

April 23, 2004
10:09 am
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lewis
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la rosa -

yea you have a point there - maybe the self concept is damaged or undernourished.

justifying our actions - always used to make excuses up why i wasn't doing something that i really wanted???? instead of saying, 'i dont think i can do it' i'd say i can't do it because ----

mmm

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