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Fighting Over Love And Friendship
September 18, 2002
11:32 pm
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Jess for TLC
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hey, well you know me and ben are really close and how he has helped me and be is a really good friend to me, well last week it was his bday and we dcided we have waited for a month to go out to see if the feeling were still here, on his bday we were going out, well since we went to the movies about 3 weeks ago and at the time we wernt even going out we dicided to pash we both loved each other alot and we pashed and everything, we has so much fun. well as soon as we got to school we have being dstant from each other he hasnt talked to me as much or sat next to me and it has being getting worse over the last 2 weeks, and i have being wondering what is wrong well ben has being a bit sad and i have bieng asking him what is wrong he said nothing but he has bing depresssed and i keep on thinking it is me and i ask him. well i have being talking to him about my problems and stuff, and i decided to sak him am i the same gil who he fell in love with he said no you have changed and i like the old you better. and i know i have changed over the last cople of weeks beucase of moving gruops and stuff. well he siad well i need to tell you somthing he said i tihnk we need a brake from each other so you can sort your self out and it will be for a cople of weeks, i was a bit upset but it was the right tihng to to beucase i know i'm not right at the momment i'm not caring about anytihng and my grades are dropping. so at the time i needed to talk to someone i told shannon and chole and Emmaly, and that was it, i told him that i told them beucase i need to talk to some one about it and he isad i didnt want you to tell any one about it and then he isad i thought i can trust you. well i siad if you are a true friend you will understand and forgive me, all he siad is dont give me that true friend shit to me. well that made me upset. i went home and i do when i get depressed i sit in my room and mope around listering to songs i whould not normally listen to, i put on hansan, i hate them alot. and i have being listering to it. and being sad. well last night i went on msn and i talked to him and he wrote me an email about that i cant show the netter or repeat it beucase our friendship and out realationship will be over. all he siad he is had enogh of me putting my problems on him and that i'm difernt and he dosnt like who i have become over the last month and i need to change. and talk aobut true friendship ti him. well he was really angree and i was so upset. i'm so worried last light i was goingt o losse one person i could trust and talk to. he said nothing will interfere in your friendship, well i dont know if this has but i just dont want to losse him. i came to school today and he wouldnt go near me at all he kept on walking away and stuff. and one of my friends asking him what is wrong and he said me wernt going out and then another one of my friends asked him and they said we are still going out. he said to me he needs to thing about things and where me and him are goign to go form here and i argee with him. we need to tihnk about all of this. i love him so much and and i dont want to loose him. well evey one siad he will get over it and you can do better but i really care for him so much. i tihnk i was using him as a friend too much and telling him stuff when i should be talking to my other friends. it was made me really upset. could any one please give me advice on what i should do, he want to tihnk about tihngs whick is good, and it the holidays so he was time, to thing. well i really need help. i'm so confused of what to do. please help. i dont want to loose him. love Jess xoxoxooxoxoxo

September 20, 2002
5:38 am
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Jess for TLC
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please some one help me!!!!!

September 20, 2002
8:33 am
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BeccaUK
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Oh Jess.....you poor baby xxxx

It seems as if this guy is having an episiode of crisis. He is probably realising that you two are at the point of either being in a relationship, or on the point of breaking up. This probably scares him (he seems pretty young?) as guys in general at a young age tend to be concerned about getting into a 'relationship'. Unfortunately this happend a lot. He is trying to work things out for himself, but he has not realised how he is hurting you by not talking to you. Again, guys are way more immature than girls at that kind of age. He thinks what he is doing may even be protecting you because 'if he is not around you, you won't miss him' i know guys can work on that theory somwetimes, even though it is soooo far out there.

Unfortunately another option is that he is using any problems you may have had to give himself leverage out of the relationship without feeling guilty. One thing in particular is regarding the letter. You say you can't repeat any of it or that will be the end of the relationship???? How will he know? This is almost threatening, and sounds like he is very insecure about your relationship.

Also, it is not all your fault. People do change for better or worse, but not usually dramatically over 2 weeks. You may have been telling him your problems, and it sounds as if he was there for you. Perhaps he has become comfused about where your relationship lies. A lot of young guys cannot tollerate a relationship where the two of you are close friends as well, they either want friendship or a relationship. As they get older they become more able to combine the two. Also, you say he has been depressed recently? He may find this difficult to express to you...as young guys do...and this may be causing tension. You want to know what is wrong as you love him... he doesn't want to talk (boys) and may feel you are pressuring him into a 'meaningful relationship' he cannot cope with.

Anyway...keep talking on here...these are only my views by the way, they may be completely wrong.

Lots of Love

Becca xxxxx

September 20, 2002
1:36 pm
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BeccaUK
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You there Honey-Bun?

September 20, 2002
1:43 pm
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mossrose
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he wont love you until you love you, take care of yourself and focus on school then he may very well come back to you.

September 20, 2002
9:40 pm
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Jess for TLC
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well both of you are right, i have being putting too much pressure on him, and guys have difernt ways of expressing their feelings, hes way is not telling anyone and he will deal with them in his own way, and i have to respect that. he cares from me but see i have changed and i know i have i'm not the same erson he fell in love with and i dont even like the person i have become. its the holidays so i have time to sort my self out, before i go back to school, the other day i thought about it and i tried to see it from his pont of veiw well guys need space and spend time with their mates. and it was ok to hang around him but not every day. and to make things worse on Thursday, i went to school and i 2 of my friends wonted to know what was wrong i told them beucase i need some one to talk to same i told them and one of them wanted to talk to ben and i said no and when we went to them they walked away. well in the end he came and she tlaked to him and he siad that i'm putting all my problems on him when he has onther tihngs to deal with and i was going on about true friends stuff and he was getting angree at me and all of that. well one of my other friends tara came and she has problems and she tells her problems to me and ben and we are sick of it, that day she came to me and said what is wrong i told her me and ben are having problems and she said tell me and i wasnt in themood to tlak to i said just leave it, i;m not in the mood to tell you beucase i was upset. well she walked off and i went to my other group of friend the 2 girls who new what was going on tald the the gruop what was going on and they all saw it that he was doing it to me and they went up to him and abused him about all of it. and i tryed to stop them but they said he cant treat you like that they only herd what my other friend told them and there was more to the story. well at the time i wanted to die. that day ben didnt talk to him he daid every one is blaming it on me and i said i know but its my fout well tata got angree at me beucase everyone eles new apart from her and the reason why is i never told them one of my other friends told them and ben said why coulndt you tell tara i said i was upset whichj i was and they both said you cuold tell 2 other two people but not her. well i didnt know what to say. and that night i criyed i was so upset & down. i went on the net and ben was on there and he said that he was going to forgive me if i didnt tell my friends about it, and i stuffed it again. he said i trusted you and you betrayed that. it had nothing to do with thrm and you broght them into it. he said i have to tihnk about our friendship and my feeling for you. and he whouldtell me on friday or saturday, its saturday and all of yesterday i coulndt tihnk straight i was going crazy and i'm still are. i wrote him an email telling them i thought about it from his pont out veiw and i'm goign to change and sort my self out. he had forgiven me beofre but that also doens mean he will do it this time, i'm waiting for an e,mail or a phone call or something from him and i decided to come on and see if he was on or an email but none i tried alling but no one was home. he mans so much to me and last night when i was waiting for him, one of his close friends was on and i sort of forced it out of him, and he said that he didnt want to go out with me any more and that i have changed and he didnt like it. and i asked him what day was this at the time i as cring becuase i thought he never loved me and he said all of that stuff to me and and he used me that was going through my head when i asked him best friend what day he said Tuesady well that is when all of this started so it whould make sence, but still i was upset, and he had to go and his friend said he did love me alot but when you changed he startet to sort of not. so yeah. i need to here from him. i dont know if to call him or whait for an email or a call form him. but i carnt think staight, i cant do anything bucyase of all of this. i feel so bad. i will do anything to fix this up. i can't loose him i really carnt. i have leaned to lesson so bady for this never tell oyu friends stuff and keep it to yourself and give guys space and act your self, and what mossrose said i have to love me beifre he loves me and that is it i dont. i need to find me. and that is what i'm goign try and do. well is there anytihng i should say and do and what shoulds i do whait for him or me call him. he has to tihnk but he sait friday or saturday its saturday (11:50amAUS)and i'm canrt do anything beucase all i am doign this thinking about this even if i try and so something it doesnt work. well cya later bye. love always Jess xoxoxoxo

September 20, 2002
11:19 pm
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Jess for TLC
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well i rang tara and i appologized and she is tihnkgin about forgiving me, she is so upset and anoyed at me and she said ben is really angree and upset and we might not forgive you. and i cryed and she felt so bad for me i told her i love him so much and i was invited to his party and now i'm not going. and i feel so bad i cryed on the phone. and then went on the net again. and theni got diconected and it was ben he was at the movies with my ex and my other friends like we did about a moths ago and he said hi and i said hi and he said we are at the moveis and my ex said well your not here and then they hung up on me. well he has blocked me on the net and he wont returne any of my calls or emaio. i dont know what to do. i'm goignt o loose him, tara siad let him cool down but i odnt know.
< <<<>>> i'm looing him

September 21, 2002
3:24 am
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Jess for TLC
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I LOVE BEN! I CAN'T LOOSE HIM!

September 22, 2002
4:39 am
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Jess for TLC
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hey, well yesterday ben went on the net and as i ddi i wanted to tlak to people to see that i should say to him and for some advice, ben came on and he said people are comming to me and saying you have to tell me sometihng well i tild him how i felt and i really sorry and that i know what i did was wring and that i'm not goign to do it again and that i will fix myself up. and he said that is it not that simple and that i asked him does he have any feeling for me he said well tihnk for my self for one and if i did that to you will i and i said no and i told him i know where you are comming from and all of that. and then he said that its not goign to be easy to fgive you after you just made it worse by telling pople and asking them advice and all of that and i was getting so angree and then i asked him again isaid i really love you still and i care for you and then he said i will consider our friendship and beyond that and i said ok so we have sort of made up and he still need time to tihng and that is good beucase you cant make a decion like that. and then he said do you want to come and hang around with all of the gruop and i'm thinking that is sudden he woulnd talk to mne and then he wants me to go, i told him no and i tihnk its too soon. well my friefd said that he went to hospilat to get his stumah pumped but the way she said it was something that i couldnt beleve i dditn beleve her when she left i called ben and he was fuine thank god, and then i saked him what was he doing and we talked and he said that i still need time to tihng and stuff and he siad we really shouldn't be on the phone beauce we need time to think. so its working out good. i feel so much happy, but i felt happy after wards but i shouldn't i should fee relefe no happy. well i have learnt a leasson and i will not do it again. well i want stuff it up this time. i will keep you posted what is happering. well cya you later thnak you for your help. bye. love always Jess xoxoxoxop

September 23, 2002
6:43 am
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BeccaUK
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Be careful sweetie

xxxxx

September 27, 2002
5:57 am
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Angelgirl
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Jess,
No offense but I read your thread and the answer seems clear. Ben is stating time and time again to keep things between you two and tells you things in confidence, but you continue to look for outside advice rather then look within for the answers. Sometimes we have to, but sometimes things are better left unsaid when it comes to privacy. Which his privacy seems important to him. So far you've told us, kids in shcool and chatted online about this.

My advice: Keep your issues with you and Ben close to your heart, secret, between the two of you and he will then trust you again.

September 27, 2002
8:01 am
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Jess for TLC
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Thanks guys for helping me, ben actually read this today and he agrees with Angelgirl, and i do too. Ben and i are sorting things out, and i'm glad we are tback talking again, i really love him alot, and he means alot to me, he has helped me when i need some one, gives you good advice and just being loveing and caring friend to me. by reading your post on there it made me think that life is too short to live, and some times much as you dont like it you have to look form the other persones oppion and even if you done like where they are coming from you have to take it into concideration that this is how they feel, i think we have sorted it out and i leaned a very importend valubale lesson out of all this and, in the end this should make our friendship stronger becuase everyone has fights and that is how we learn from our mistakes.

Ben if you read this again, you know how upset i was and i know you were too, and our friendship will be stronger after all of this, thank you for putting up with me some times, i know i can get anoying, well i love you with al my heart!

Love From Jess xoxoxoxoxo

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