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Fighting Insecurity??
May 14, 2006
8:10 pm
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blyxx
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Any suggestions on how to overcome my insecurity?

It's pretty all consuming, can't have pictures of myself, hate mirrors, never sure of myself, secondguess a lot. I am usually right, but still I have to stop. I don't think I'm good enough for anything.

I'd appreciate any input.

May 14, 2006
8:41 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Blyxx -

We all feel insecure at some time or another. Here are some suggestions and tips that may help you to fight insecurity:

- Keep a journal of all your qualities and defects.

- Remember something so important: Every one is unique, special, talented and precious in some way.

- Remember also, no one is perfect. Even cool-looking people get bored of their good looks.

- Develop your spirituality.

- Reach out to others with unconditional love. The more we give; the more and better we feel about ourselves.

- Volunteer.

- Have a makeover, a new hair cut, a new haircolor, manicure/pedicure, massage etc.

- Update your wardrobe.

- Give away any stuff you don't use anymore to the needy, be it clothes, food, books etc.

- Keep reading posts here and answer to whatever you feel relevant to you and give advice whenever applicable.

- Try to pinpoint the deeprooted issue/cause of your insecurity. Seek a counselor if need be.

Blessings ~Ras~

May 15, 2006
8:49 am
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revelation
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Hi Blyxx,

Its something I struggle with too. I think that one negative thought about yourself just leads to another, and before you know it, you are really beating yourself up...and for what? For who's benefit? I mean what good does it do for us? Nothing.

Ras, bless her! Has given some really good pointers, all stuff that I try to follow myself. Volunteering is a great idea, I'm a volunteer crisis counselor, and its such a worthwhile thing to do...really makes me feel good about myself. Writing down stuff REALLY helps. I went to counseling, and my counselor gave me a really good positive thinking excercise. Whenever you have a negative thought about yourself, write it down in column 1.

in column 2 write briefly about the situation that led you to this thought.

in Column 3 write down how that negative thought mafde you feel

in Column 4 write down a more positve reaction to the situation.

Have a think about that positive thought.

Now in Column 5 write down how the positive thought made you feel.

A good example is the first one I had on my list (I'll always remember it):

I'm in my 30's, have blonde shoulder length hair, and drive a blue car...I'm driving home from work one day, feeling pretty miserable and lonely about a month after my 2nd miscarriage, I'm stuck in traffic, I look at the car in the next lane, its also blue, and the girl at the wheel, is in her 30's and has blonde shoulder length hair. But, unlike me, she looked fit and healthy and happy. And I thought..."I bet she's going home to someone she loves, and I'm going home to nothing"

When I got home I wrote this on my list:

Column 1: Thought: "I have nothing and nobody"

Column 2: Situation: Driving from work and see girl with similar looks to me

Column 3: Feelings: Made me feel, sad, lonely, like crying.

Column 4: Thought: "I'm going home to my sister who will make me laugh, I have a good family around me and friends who love me, I hope that other girl has lots of people who love her like I do"

Column 5: Feeling: That makes me feel a lot better, thankful for the friends and family that I have.

Once I get the positive thought into my head, the negative one, fades into the background, I feel a little bit stronger, a little more powerful, and most of all, a little bit more in control of my destiny.

Remember, with the second-guessing, it really is YOUR decision and only yours, with the power of positive thinking about yourself, you will find that second-guessing yourself doesn't happen quite so often, as you find that you have the courage to stand-by YOUR decision, because it is YOURS to own and nobody elses. When I tell you I used to beat myself up something fierce about making decisions, and trying to gauge what everyone else would think of my decisions...when you realise that YOU have the power to forge the path in YOUR life and that the people around you, if they love you, will give you the freedom and benefit of being able to do that. In other words, if someone don't like what you are doing, where you are going, what you are buying, who you are seeing, what you are saying...thats THEIR problem.

I hope this helps Blyxx, we all need to be reminded every once in a while, that thinking negatively about ourselves, is like banging our heads against a brick wall.

May 15, 2006
10:25 am
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taj64
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Im reading a book I found at the library called Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment" by Martin E.P. Seligman. He also wrote the book Learned Optimism. These books help me with my insecurities. It is to change your negative thinking around to focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. It is something you really have to work on. I have moments too when I feel insecure and lost. Im trying hard to make peace with who I am instead of drowning in what would have been. I read a chapter this morning that seems to help me especially because it was about optimism for the future. The past does not determine the future really stuck out for me. Both Ras and Rev gave really good advice and that is to turn that negative feeling into something positive. As soon as a negative thought comes into play, talk gently to yourself and argue with yourself. The more you practice, the less negative thoughts come around. Good luck. TAJ

May 20, 2006
8:16 pm
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Rasputin
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I forgot add something substantial in my tips to combat insecurity:

- Donate 1/0 of your monthly income or revenue to charity and helping others in afflicted & natural disasters.

I hope these tips would help!

~Ras~

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