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Fighting Emotions with Words?
March 29, 2001
8:12 am
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banana
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September 24, 2010
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In time, after mourning and grieving for a loved one who's passed away (that's not what happened to me), it seems to make the pain a little more dull, but the pain is still there. Like any other traumatic event, good friends or even strangers may offer their condolences or offer advice that sounds wonderful for the moment, but it doesn't kill the strong emotions we have inside, which come back when that friend is gone...when we are trying to sleep...when we have a flashback to the event...or a panic attack. Sometimes those flashbacks are just as shocking and paralyzing as the event itself. Dr.'s prescribe medication to "take the edge off" and let us attempt to function normally and get through our days as the rest of the world goes on. It just doesn't seem like enough! I have no idea HOW to express my emotions no matter how much I try...and as much as I try to analyze what has happened or rationalize what I feel, friends are getting tired of hearing about it...and I realize they truly cannot offer any empathy whatsoever. I almost feel like I need someone to jump over my side of insanity and pull me back in rather than just throwing me a line. Perhaps group therapy will help, but where do I find that? I guess I have to look...maybe that's what this is for because I could never do it live...in person. Slowly but surely, this is going to happen. It has to. I used to have a life and I want it back! If you're wondering what happened, I believe I was drugged. Sure you probably believe this doesn't happen to men, but everything seems to point to it. I have just one hazy recollection of what happened, and it was of laying in someone's lawn somewhere being ridiculed by two men. Work seems to be going just fine, although those who work closely with me say I'm not myself. I'm hoping that continuing to write about it...and my psychiatrist sessions which begin next week...will enable me "snap out of it".

March 29, 2001
8:52 am
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Sal
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Ask your psych about groups that you might benefit from. It sure doesn't sound fun, having to see clearly what is so painful when it is a blur, but at least it will give you closure (like the death you describe) and you can grieve and go on. Hope your appt. goes well, keep us posted.

March 29, 2001
12:12 pm
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Molly
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Why don't you look into the seven stages of grief? That might give you some language to help you demonstrate, even if you are just acting out in the mirror. Get a list of feeling adjectives, write a sentence of what that means to you then write a paragraph of an example. This exercise might help you to formulate , and perhaps experience. I also like the group idea, try anger management. I would imagine that there is some repressed anger. I have heard that if you repress one emotion, you repress all emotion. Do your work now, as it has been said repressed emotions will effect you physically, ie., panic attacks, stomach disorders, etc. Good luck in your efforts.

March 29, 2001
4:03 pm
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Ladeska
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Simply because - you want - your life back - you will have it back. Alot of things are out of our realm of control in this life, however....some things are in our control. And you are definitely taking steps regardless of how small or slow - to take charge of things you can have power over.

Group would help you I think, if you have the right collection of people you feel comfortable with, but strive to find a therapist you like, and definitely take time out for yourself. Sometimes we can't let go because something seems - unfinished. The canvas and the pains are very much "there" for you. You have this moment, this life, this opportunity to look at all the possibilities and "create".

The grieving process is very important and you definitely need to do that and not bottle it all up. The thing about being drugged is very concerning. How do you think this happened? Do you know who might be responsible for this? Hynotherapy might help you with this.

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