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FF it’s LL. Are U out there?
October 12, 2006
1:45 pm
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lovinglife
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September 29, 2010
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Hope you get this message:

((( FeelingFree )))

I am SO sorry I haven’t got back to you since your last post. I buried the thread which is a good thing as it means I’m growing (I write A LOT when I’m stressed or trying to figure something out). So unless you see the rising of the ramblings – I’m in a good spot. Wouldn’t be here today without you, Ma Strong, Rising, Sini (and many from the NC thread) and can’t forget in the end Matteo. Yea - I’m breathing again. And breathing again with new hope- and a totally cool newfound road to walk on.

These last few weeks or so I’ve been in such an emotional rut of sorts. Not a bad emotional rut though…Not sure what the heck is going on with me— in some ways I like it as I feel so much calmer but in other ways I’m not being as *on task* as my usual self (seeing this more with starting/completing projects for school). No clue as to why… Is it because I'm going to Al-Anon and reading Al-Anon lit on a regular basis?? Or coming to terms/acceptance with many of my issues??? Or maybe that I'm finally over my obsession with R~???? …did you hear that – I’m over him – I’m finally done : ) Which brings to mind… I don’t have or have not created any major crisis in my life and I’ve literally lived and thrived off a chaos & crisis — forever.

Speaking of chaos...Exh is not gone yet (will he ever be?) but he is staying away quite a bit more and I limit answering his calls. When I’m on the phone with him I just stick to the business at hand which means calmly re-directing & re-directing him from his *drama* (which is something new everyday). LIFE IS TOO DARN CALM AT THE MOMENT!! And this is what I wanted…guess now it’s learning to find the motivation within myself if that makes any sense. I really like what I feel, yet I’m just being WAY TOO calm here : )

You mentioned about being restless. Wonder if that is similar to what I’m feeling…could it be that we’re so used to *chaos* that when life is calm it’s like we need feel bored, out of sorts, or want to stir something up???…though this is the first I must say I’m not wanting to sabotage the way I’m feeling- just need a fire lit under me or something…hey, maybe another relationship would do the trick ; )…yeah- another charmer - those initial emotions sure get me going and then the explosion of painful emotions when the mask finally comes off keeps me going for a long time. That would do definitely do the trick HOWEVER I think I’ve seen the light on that… honesty don’t think I’d fall for it again, though I did say that the last time : ( but this time around I've had this wonderful website to stand me back up on my feet with new wisdom and insight, so I think I'll be OK.

Hope all is going great for you. Let me know if you are still out there in AAC land – miss ya!!

LL

October 23, 2006
3:29 pm
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lovinglife
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my message to you...given it a bump up

October 23, 2006
4:16 pm
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feelingfree
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September 30, 2010
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How cool is THAT?! Awww.. thanks.. I really hadn't been on much, so I missed it..

October 23, 2006
4:20 pm
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feelingfree
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Oh, btw.. i replied to you in my earlier thread.. don't know if you saw it..
thanks 🙂

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