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Feeling very lonely tonight........
July 3, 2007
9:43 pm
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Lisa Ann
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I am feeling very alone tonight. My daughter went out of town for the rest of the week, I was planning on spending the day tomorrow with my brother and his wife, but I just talked to him and it sounds like they would rather be alone and work on organizing their new townhouse - or at least that's the feeling I get. I need to move some furniture into my new apartment, but I don't feel like doing anything now. My brother said that my dad was coming to town and he could pick me up tomorrow morning, but I know that he is not coming to town for anything other than picking me up. I think they arranged that, so my brother didn't have to give me a ride. I can't drive, I don't have a license.

I'm feeling trapped at my apartment. Everyone is off doing fun things and I'm sitting here alone. I feel like crying and alone. THIS SUCKS!!!!!! My boyfriend isn't calling either and I'm starting to feel like he wants to push me away forever. He doesn't want to be with me anymore because I have put him through so much pain, which I have. I feel like a big loser and I'm so sick of feeling like this.

July 3, 2007
10:10 pm
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Lisa Ann-

I know how days like that are. What are you doing tomorrow? Anything to look forward to?

You said your boyfriend isn't calling. Is it possible to call him where he is or is he out and not receive it well?

Please don't call yourself a loser. When I do that outloud it upsets anyone who cares about me, I'm sure the same would be said if your loved ones heard you. More importantly- it is important for US not to hear ourselves abuse ourselves in an internal dialog like that. You wouldn't say that to someone else would you?

But I do know how it feels so I don't want you to think that I'm trivializing your emotions by saying that. You can't help your feelings, but please don't be unkind and tell yourself you are a "loser" you deserve better treatment from yourself!

hugs,
ella

July 3, 2007
10:18 pm
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ggfred4
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Lisa Ann, I have had similar feelings and I just have to say this...If you just sit, it will make you feel worse. Think of a project you can do, even if it is work, or is it possible to pack a backpack and take a hike somewhere. I have found if I force, and yes, I have to force, myself to do things, it helps.

I am going to have a pretty boring day tomorrow, so I am going to try and make myself do something.

Hugs too, gg

July 3, 2007
10:30 pm
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Lisa Ann
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Thanks! I know I'm not a loser, but I just feel like I have failed a relationship that could have been so perfect. I don't feel like I will get another chance when I am emotionally healthy. I feel like he is going to move on because I'm way too high maintenance. I have been, that's for sure. I just wish I would have realized and dealt with my co-dependency issues before I even met him. I love him so much I don't want to lose him, but if I don't fix myself, I would lose him anyway. That really sucks!

July 3, 2007
10:32 pm
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Lisa Ann
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You guys are wonderful. I agree, I have to force myself to do something. Coming home from work and taking a nap is not good for me. I have some more boxes that need unpacking in my apartment. Plus, I was thinking of creating an Ebay store - so I might actually get started on that too. It's true, the busier I am, the better I feel. It's just hard to get started.

Thank you so much for your words!

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