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Feeling useless =(
February 13, 2004
7:12 pm
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Jennfromny
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I am a married mother of 3. I am 34 yrs old and wondering why I feel so lonely. I can hardly get out of bed anymore. I take my kids to school and go back to bed. I have recently started going to counselling because I feel like I am losing my mind. My counselor told me that I am codependent. I live for my kids. I do everything for them and I feel if I didn't have them I would have no reason to live. My husband is mean to me. I can do nothing right in his eyes. I try so hard to please him but no matter what I do its wrong. I want to leave him but I am scared. I haven't worked in years because I have always been here with my kids. Now that they are in school I am their room parent, I help in the class rooms as needed and I am the Vice President of the PTA. I spend every minute that the kids are home interacting with them. I do so much with them because my husband does nothing with them and I feel like I need to be a mom and a dad. My friends see how controlling my husband is and they want me to leave him. If I leave I lose my house, my dog and my kids have to go to a different school because I'll need to move back to my parents. My husband knows I am stuck here so he can be as nasty to me as he wants. He tells me he knows he has problems and he wants to change but I am just so hurt I don't feel like I can try anymore.
What should I do??????

February 13, 2004
7:45 pm
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Pickles
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Co-dependent me wants to 'fix' your problem! However I'm trying not to think that way...which is very new to me and I'm 66!! Hopefully never too late...but to your situation...I thought I would never be able to leave my batterer-stalker husband and take my 6 month old and survive; never mind thrive. However, at 28, I left, moved in w/my folks, and built a very good career over time. I raised my ADHD son, his two ADD-ADHD children (enter CO-DA), grew 3 businesses from scratch...but now at this late stage, find my CODA is over-whelming me. So don't give up...you deserve a LIFE...and can have More than you believe you can. If you are VP of the PTA, you have leadership skills..focus on building your skill base while crafting your plan for the future; even if it means tolerating this abusive man (whose mistreatment of you can't be good for your kids)
Share with your folks...before u leave seek help building a resume (pay for a good one) based on all your skills (maybe not so much experience)...get REFERENCES, and
line up emotional support for your children....then flap your wings and take off! That's just my co-da advice...so seek other professional input; but you and your children's future are important. Good luck!!!

February 13, 2004
7:51 pm
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free
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J

Have been in these shoes. Except I was the PTA auditor. Nobody can tell you what to do. I wish I could, but I can't kuz I'm not you.

It doesn't seem as there are many options available to you. do you have a 4 year degree? If so, you could become a substitute teacher- something to look into. Even if you do not plan on leaving him in the near future, it's time to start exploring some career options and the schooling that it may take to launch it. I know it sounds overwhelming, but 2, 3, 5 years are going to pass and you'll be looking back. Make it a positive thing.

free

February 13, 2004
7:59 pm
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Jennfromny
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I don't have much college. I met my husband when I was young and I quit everything to move south with him. I feel stuck and overwhelmed. My parents don't know much about what I am going thru. I have always kept my feelings to myself. I don't want my family worring about me. I tell myself everyday that god didn't put me on this earth to live like this. Each time my husband yells at me I feel more distant from him. I honestly am a good person and I try so hard to please everyone, but no one seems interested in pleasing me.

February 13, 2004
8:01 pm
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Jennfromny
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Pickles,

I to have two boys with ADD and I work for hours every night with them on their homework. Their teachers tell me not to help them and so does my counselor. She thinks I am raising my boys to be failures. She says that they are going to find women that will take care of them like I always have.

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