Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
feeling suicidal
February 16, 2007
10:12 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I might as well just get off of this board. No help tonight. A thread name like this and still no responses. I would be running to a thread like this. Its a matter of life or death. People don't take me seriously I don't think. I have news for you. I am a very serious person and mean every word that I say. If you donn't believe me, so be it. I just feel like I can't take it anymore.

February 16, 2007
10:32 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Jewel)))))) I just got on I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

February 16, 2007
10:49 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks random for always being there. I appreciate it. No one else seems to here as I sit here with the pill bottles in front of me in here.

February 16, 2007
11:09 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes, your symptons are part of being bipolar, highs and lows. Have you called your fiancee and told him you are in a low right now? He needs to know. You need to call your dr. and get help. Go to an emergency room and tell them you are suicidal.

February 16, 2007
11:19 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am not going back to the fucking hospital. THere are a bunch of freaks there for the most part and I have appts next week. I just can't quit crying.

February 16, 2007
11:30 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I found my future sis-in-law to talk to. I am getting nowhere on here. Oh except ignored although everyone cares so much. I may not come back on the boards. People are not taking me seriouusly. Mj, I know it is part of my bipolar. This is just so hard. Iam going to go take a shower and may be back, may not.

February 16, 2007
11:37 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetheart. I do care we all care. Right now I have a 3 and a 4 yearold with the flu and an 8 weekold who is refusing sleep. Please come back. hunny

February 16, 2007
11:46 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I hope that your shower helps calm you. I am glad you are taking to someone. Take care.

February 17, 2007
12:40 am
Avatar
katarina
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you need to be in a hospital. I say this out of love/ we are trying to help but, you need to hopitalized..please you deserve to feel better.

February 17, 2007
12:43 am
Avatar
scyllamessina
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Jewel,

I know going to the hospital won't make things better for you. I know how you feel. They just stop you from killing yourself. They don't fix your problems or love you. Do you have someone you could stay with or who you trust to watch over you when you are feeling suicidal?

What can we do to make things better for you?

Scylla

February 17, 2007
1:45 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Jewel:

Just got in. Honey, I can imagine not bein able to blow out the candles. I can imagine how folks kinda turn from you and try to ignore the problem so as to not hurt your feelings but it still hurts.

This really isn't funny, but it is a bit humorous I spoze. My hubby took me out for a $100 dinner at a very nice steakhouse. HE has to cut my food for me. We get a brandy at the end of dinner and yep. I dropped it. Broke their fine crystal. I was so embarrassed. My hubby and I are in a really nice restaurant and he cuts my food and I must drink from a styrofoam cup coz I cannot keep from dropping their crystal.

I am not competing w/ you; I am trying to show you that yes, others do relate. I know it is your face and you are embarassed. I walk around w/ a brace on my neck, metal and velcrow braces on both arms, legs wrapped up to my knees w/ those brown stretchie wraps that takes 15 min per leg to put on and hurts. Oh, and then I look 10 months pregnant. Do I know embarassing? YES Do I know bein sidebrushed or excused for? YES

Life hurts honey. Life sucks honey. Life just plain ol ain't fair.

My gramma turned 100 the 25th of January and they had a big bash for her. I wasn't gonna go but gramma wanted me there. I walk in the door and Aunt B hurries over w/ a hug and says "I hear you are doing so much better." I asked her who told her that and she said my dad. I leaned over and whispered to her "he's in denial". lol. The look on her face. it was worth a laugh. I told my mom later and she told me that on the way home dad had said to her how ill I am and I still have a good outlook and can be happy. what is the other choice? Cry?

Jewel, your guy loves you right? Your mom you can do nothing about. Honey, what about you? Is there any way you can get past this? I agree w/ DD. You need to get more help than we can provide here. I don't want you to go. I think your bein here is good for you. But you need more.

My dad raised me w/ this thought. If I ever whined or got to feelin sorry for me he'd tell me this... Honey, look around you. There is always somebody out there that has it worse than you do. So, instead of sittin around whining get off your butt and go do something nice for someone else and you'll see how others love you and you'll have a good sense of worth.

I don't think I can say enough Jewel. I am not minimizing your feelings or you in any way. I simply want to build you up and let you see past this cloud around you. I want you to see that you are blessed honey even if you cannot see it.

(((((( holding you close ))))))

February 17, 2007
1:55 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Jewel:

I want to say something to you. I am speaking to you out of love in my heart ok. BUT, you have all these folks here that are talking to you. You have folks here trying to help you and you say nobody cares. Why? Are we not good enough to help you? I know most of us do not know how you feel. How can we. But we empathize w/ you honey. We care and send you hugs and loves and what little suggestions we know. Not enough? I'm sorry. We all are doin the best we can. We are just folks just like you that are here to find help and to try to give someone else a bit of hope. Please take the bits of love and hope we are trying to give you instead of saying nobody here cares. I don't see anyone here that is or has not been trying to show you just how much you are cared for.

(((jewel)))

February 17, 2007
3:44 am
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am feeling much better now. I took a time out and listened to a cd and read 2 magazines. Now I feel better. My sis-in-law pissed me off but I see her point. She thinks I am being negative and I need to be more positive and go out and get a job and blah blah blah. She had some very good points but I already knew everything that she told me. I am not a stupid girl. I am just sick of everyone not acknowledgeing that I am different and will need operations to correct my problems. She keeps on going on about my past. Yes, my past caused all of this but my present and future also are based off of the past. SHe is not a professional. She doesn't know the right things to say. None of us on here do either. Well some have very special gifts mama. They give good advice. I am in a better mood and I will go to the doc and go from there. I have the strength inside. Thanks for the replies. I know people care. I just get in these weird moods. That is bipolar for you and no klonopin. I am trying to stop it completely cold turkey. It is hard but I am doing good. I don't want to go back to the hospital but may have to to get past this point in my life.

Love from Jewel

February 17, 2007
7:35 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It looks to me like you are having a pity party. You do need to focus on the positive cuz the negative is totally drowning you. You are getting married!!!! That is wonderful. Many people would love to be in your shoes. Focus on the good stuff and then the negative things that you are worried about will happen. You will land a job when you least expect it and not noticing. I hope the medicine will work for you. I am not bipolar but I have heard it is hard. So you are on the down side of things but it comes back up. Life is full of ups and downs isn't it? Focus on the upside, you are getting married to a nice man and he is lucky to have you.

February 18, 2007
2:06 am
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are all so right and I was so wrong. It is just that my bipolar mood swings were setting in. I was feeling so down last night, but tonight I feel unusually calm. Hope it lasts. You never know with my mood swings. I may be suicidal in a minute.

February 18, 2007
8:32 am
Avatar
healintime
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Jewel,

Just read your other thread - yup, that didn't sound like "you" last night. You must have been in an awful lot of pain and I feel for you, honey. I really do. You must be exhausted.

You know, (I know you know,) that this isn't a 24 hour helpline. There are ebbs and flows in traffic - especially on weekends - and you have been given some teriffic support over these last weeks - which I also know that you appreciate.

But Jewel - no matter what's going on - if you're really in a place where you're feeling suicidal - or even in a "cry for help" place on that level - then this site is not enough. Even if every single person with a login posted to you at once, it still wouldn't be enough. You need to let someone on-site know exactly where you're at.

I also feel like I've been yapping about the klonopin for weeks now - but you need to know that quitting a benzo that addictive "cold turkey" is, just... I don't even have the words Jewel. It's 20 times as potent as valium, extremely addictive, and has a half life of 35 hours. Because of those three factors, it's recommended that you taper down over a matter of months when you decide (with your doctor) that it's time to stop.

I feel like you need to be really, really, really honest with your doctor/psychiatrist about your two overdoses, the amount that you've been taking at times, the escalation in your depression of the last few months, and the suicidal thoughts that you had when you decided to stop "cold turkey."

I know you've said you don't feel the effects but that has a lot to do with the fact that you're in recovery. Which makes you more susceptible to an addiction to this drug and makes it -absolutely crucial- that you only stop taking it under medical supervision. We're talking about seriously potent drugs that affect your brain - not aspirin. Honey, you've upped the dose at random at times in the last few months and are now stopping cold turkey. Please, Jewel, please, please hear me. I nearly lost a friend to this drug. You cannot play around with the dosage on a whim. A lot of how you've been feeling for the last few months could be related to the klonopin.

People on the site do care. I care. But the poster above is absolutely right - YOU need to care. Enough to be totally honest with a medical professional about where you're at emotionally, about the overdoses, about how much you've been taking and when - and about what your moods have been doing in the last few months.

Sending you all the love and support in the world and really hoping that you talk about all of this with your pshychiatrist. You cannot do this alone. And support on an anonymous site isn't the same as talking your situation through with a trained professional who's on-site, has the medical expertise you need, and is totally devoted to helping you get well.

Hugs,

H.

February 18, 2007
10:08 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

jewel...one thing I've learned here is that you never have to apologize for your feelings. Your feelings are yours, and they are real, and they are valid. And no one can judge them. This is a place where you should feel safe to tell how you feel, even if it means that you say things that aren't too comfortable or popular. You were feeling alone, and ignored, and desperate. And I'm glad that you expressed those feelings. And I'm sorry that you felt that no one was here for you. We all feel that way sometimes. I think many of us here have come to a place where we don't come here as much any more, I know I sometimes can't check in more than about twice a week. And I only have time to check into a few threads. I know that's not helpful, but I want you to know it doesn't mean people don't care about you. Everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers, even when I cannot be here. I know that's not much in the way of support...but know that people care about you. Take care of yourself...and know that these mood swings will happen and will not last forever. (((jewel)))

February 20, 2007
4:05 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are all so smart and wise. Maybe you have been through more than me or something because I don't have the wisdom that everyone else does. I will be 26 next month. I am getting up there. I start dbt therapy 3 days a week this friday. I think it will be very helpful and I will let you know how things go.

Love,

Jewel

February 20, 2007
7:47 pm
Avatar
eurogurl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bless you girl, i wish the best for you.
Your fiancee would be devastated if you were no longer here, think of him and how much he must love you to want to marry you.
He loves you as you are, you are lovable

February 22, 2007
10:46 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was feeling very suicidal the other night but my fiance was with me. I cried for 2 hours and my eyes were all swollen. I told him about my birth defects and that I was afraid he was going to leave me because of them. He said I am not going anywhere. He is a smart guy and calmed me down after a lot of talking. I felt happy all day today. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, cleaned my bathroom, picked up prescriptions, laundry and folding clothes, and went to the store for my fiance. That was a huge accomplishment for me and maybe that is why I am feeling better. No suicidal thoughts tonight. Hope things stay this way. My mind needs a break.

Jewel

February 22, 2007
10:53 pm
Avatar
scyllamessina
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wish to God my boyfriend (ex) would be like that. I am hurting a lot right now, and him being here for me would make all the difference.

February 23, 2007
2:51 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Scyll,

I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is not helping you. That must really be hard. I know when I was on my own, I had some very hard moments. Hang in there and post more. Maybe I can help

Jewel

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714260
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information