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feeling suicidal
February 16, 2007
1:10 am
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jewel
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I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. One minute I am fine, the next I want to be dead. I am under a lot of stress right now. I am getting married in 3 months, am jobless, have no money, feel fat and ugly, and just a waste of life. I don't know how to stop these feelings from coming. Is it part of being bipolar?

Jewel

February 16, 2007
1:15 am
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mamacinnamon
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Jewel:

((((( hang in there )))))

I don't know much about bipolar, but from what i have heard, yes. Do you have medication?

Honey, why do you feel these things? Is there a reason? or is it something you just feel and don't know why?

I'm here if you'd like to talk.

February 16, 2007
1:18 am
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jewel
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if you read the thread feeling really down tonight towards the end it tells you part of why i feel this way

February 16, 2007
1:19 am
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mamacinnamon
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ok honey will go look. do you want to talk here or there??

February 16, 2007
1:20 am
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jewel
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here

February 16, 2007
1:23 am
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jewel
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I am just under so much stress and can't handle it anymore. What is the point to life if you feel like this?

February 16, 2007
1:29 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hard question honey. I think each of has a different answer to that.

I read what you wrote. Did you read what I wrote last night on the other thread? About how I am now vs. before?

February 16, 2007
1:35 am
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mamacinnamon
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Jewel? Still here?

February 16, 2007
1:45 am
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jewel
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Yeah I read it i just can't handle this anymore

February 16, 2007
1:53 am
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jewel
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I guess there is noone here that cares or maybe nooneis on board I am feeling very low

February 16, 2007
1:54 am
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mamacinnamon
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Jewel I honestly do care. Tell me. How can I help you?

February 16, 2007
1:57 am
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mamacinnamon
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if you don't want to talk it's ok. I do wish I could help you.

February 16, 2007
1:58 am
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armyleo
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(((jewel)))

February 16, 2007
2:00 am
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jewel
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I guess i have nothing left to say

February 16, 2007
2:05 am
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mamacinnamon
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I don't understand Jewel. Army and I are both here for you. What is it you have nothing to say about? We are here and listening. Please do talk to us if you would. If you don't want, nobody here is gonna push you.

((((jewel))))

February 16, 2007
2:07 am
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jewel
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I have been depressed for some time now. I just can't take life anymore. I am different than other people. I know I have fetal alcohol syndrome. How would you feel? I want to die every day I wake up, but the Lord keeps me alive and protects me.

February 16, 2007
2:10 am
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jewel
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There is nothing no one can do. I guess I should just give up.

February 16, 2007
2:14 am
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mamacinnamon
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Jewel:

The Lord keeps you alive and protects you because he loves you. And now you are about to wed. Another blessing. yes?

I don't know much about fetal alcohol syndrome. I am sorry you have it tho and I'm sorry your mom drank when you were invetro.

I just can't take life anymore. I want to die every day I wake up. I know how that feels honey. Maybe not because of a birth defect, but I felt it and lived it for years. it's been a long time, but the feeling that you have is one that does not just magically go away. In fact most folks like this fight it a lot on and off thru their lives.

Do you suppose the Lord has his reasons to keep and protect you other than just coz he loves you? Why would he be giving you a wonderful person for you to share your life w/?

If you want to talk, I'll stay awhile. If you don't say so. I know when I felt like you do that you just want someone there, but that you also get aggitated when they are not seeming to be on the same page as you. Unfortunately, I may not be on the same page, but I assure you that I am here if you want to talk. I do care.

February 16, 2007
4:03 am
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doubledilemma
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Jewel

The help you need is way beyond thi site, now...I recognise it in myself, but I see it in you.

Would you please, please if you are in North Carolina, contact the following hospital immediately

Neurosciences Hospital
101 Manning Drive, 1st Floor
Chapel Hill, NC 27514

Please let me know if you are not in NC or the Chapel Hill district, but if you are, this is the best place in the state for you to be in.

Please let me know Jewel. I can find the number for emergency admissions, but this is just too much Jewel. You need help from real people hon and you need it NOW!!!!!!!!

I am in Australia, so doing my best to guess where you are.

February 16, 2007
4:14 am
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scyllamessina
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Jewel, I don't have an answer, but I do know how you feel. One day I am okay, and the next I want to die. It is very scary. I don't have FAS, but I was diagnosed with Herpes a few years ago which makes life very hard. I am so happy for you that you are getting married. I want more than anything for the man I love to marry me, but instead he left. I was sexually abused as a child, and I have my share of issues. I pray a lot.

God, please help Jewel. Your word says that you will not give us more than we can bear. Be true to your word and carry Jewel through this hard time. I don't know why some of us are tested harder than others, but I do know You have a plan for all of us. Please be present in this painful world. Please take care of Jewel tonight. She is your child. She needs you. Through Jesus, I pray, Amen.

February 16, 2007
7:03 am
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doubledilemma
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scylla, I feel for you hon, especiallly being abandoned by the man you love. Herpes is very hard to eradicate.

Jewel, are you there hon. Please give us a holler if you are!

February 16, 2007
9:12 pm
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jewel
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Thanks all for responding. I don't really want to die, but it would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to deal with going to all these different docs to see what is wrong with me. I am mortified and until as of late, I finally opened up and told my fiance that all the muscles in my face don't work correctly. I don't kiss very well I am sure although he likes it, but it sure sucks to be me. Sometimes I think that if I wasn't born with this, I would be successful already at my age. I could be wrong. I used to have such a high drive and as the years went by, that has diminished. I took the semester off from school, I am not working, I can hardly function, I feel like absolute shit. SO why not just get the courage to just end it so I don't have to cry everyday anymore.

Jewel

February 16, 2007
9:25 pm
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jewel
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Army,

thanks for the hug I needed it.

Mama,

Thanks for your inspiration. You make me feel like I am truly blessed. Maybe not in every way, but I am lucky to be getting married. I know life is hard for people that dont have fas, but I have a feeling this makes it worse. The shame all my life. I couldnt even blow out candles on my bday cakes. How does that make a child feel in front of their family?

DD,

I live in pa. I am getting married in nc. Thanks for the info though. I can't go to the hospital. I dont even know what to say.

Scyll,

I am sorry that you have herpes. Is it treatable? Thanks very much for the blessing. It means very much to me.

Thank you all

Jewel

February 16, 2007
9:28 pm
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jewel
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I am trying to distact myself so I don't think about hurting myself. I started a wedding thread. I look online at dresses all the time. I love it. I just feel hopeless and feel ignored. Like Iam not important. I felt this way my entire life. Nothing new.

February 16, 2007
10:09 pm
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jewel
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I can't believe I feel like this and it is like no one cares. No one can do anything to help me, but just a response would be nice. I keep having thoughts cross my head about taking all of my pills that I have. THat will surely kill me. But then I think about the wedding and what I would do to my fiance and then I think again about having fas. ANyone out there?

Jewel

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