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Feeling stuck and overwhelmed today.........
September 30, 2005
1:48 pm
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veggiemom
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September 27, 2010
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This morning I caught Mr. Man in a lie he told me several weeks ago. He just brushed it off saying "why do you have to always bring up the past?" and "GOD, do you just live and breathe on every word I say?" I guess he knows how to get to me because I feel so ashamed (that yes, I do just live and breathe for him pretty much)that I just let it go and didn't go on about the lie.

I do not know how I am ever going to get out of this mess. I am miserable every moment of every day thinking about him. I have so many other things I should be happy and grateful for but thoughts of him just overtake it all. I feel so out of control.

I have come to a point where I hate Friday's because it means he will go out partying all weekend, whooping it up and having a great time without even a thought of me, while I sit home obsessing about what he's doing and waiting/hoping for him to call and say he wants to see me.

How on earth have I gotten to this point? I can't even imagine digging myself out of this hole I'm in. It just seems so completely overwhelming.

September 30, 2005
1:57 pm
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Randomwomen2
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September 29, 2010
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im digging myself out of A hole as we speak my husband and i havent been happy for a long time now we ahve been married almost 4 years and we have children and we are now seprating its hard but it will be beter for us in the long run maybe we can both find spouses that are suited to us. what im trying to say is there is always a way to be happy and if your not happy with him try counseling. If he refuses or it doesnt work then maybe its time to do your self some good and leave the relationship. It will do neither of you good to stick in this relationship if your hearts not fully in it. You have to be sure you want to go on like this for the rest of your life and if you dont then somethings got to change.

September 30, 2005
2:08 pm
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veggiemom
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The thing is I probably won't have to go on the rest of my life this way (with him anyway)because we are not married, not a couple, not in a committed relationship at all. That's what is so shameful/embarrassing to me: that I have put my whole life into obsessing about this guy when really there is nothing there as far as a partnership. We are "friends". That is the closest he will come to committing. I feel like his little plaything, who he can call whenever he needs a date for an event, or someone to talk to, or someone to just hang out with if nothing better is there, or of course, have sex with if he gets the urge. And I know it's my own fault. I am the one who lets it be this way. It is within my power to not let this happen, but god, when he DOES come around it is such a relief and it makes me feel so good and it makes it all better temporarily. I've said before he's my drug. It's just like that. I see the sickness and insanity here but feel powerless...............maybe the fact that i can see it means I'm getting closer to being able to work at changing/recovery?????????

September 30, 2005
2:08 pm
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Lass
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September 24, 2010
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Veggiemom doll,

It will pass. Time is amazing that way. Get down with your sweet self and pray, read, write, talk. I recommend "Check it out!" post today to see WHY you feel so manipulated / ignored / messed with.

We are all in here doing the deal, feeling much the same as you at first, and again now and then, but it gets better the sooner we do No Contact.

Love, Lass

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