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Feeling sad and alone. Please Help.
November 23, 2008
10:32 pm
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GeeZee07458
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Although I know there are things in my life I have to be thankful for, I am sad. I have no one "special" to spend my holidays with. I usually enjoy the holidays, yet this year especially I am feeling sad and alone. I am thankful for having a good job, and earning a nice salary. Yet money means nothing to me because you can't buy love.... I have tried to, and got hurt doing so. (Spend thousands on gifts for family and friends last xmas, and they thought i was crazy, or didn't appreciate me for it, just wanted more). There is no one in my life that I have to enjoy my time off with, no girlfriend etc. My family life is complicated. I put up with my dad. My parents are divorced. My mom and brother now live with me, because they cannot afford to live on their own. I feel as though I have to keep everyones heads above water, and for years have put those I love before myself. I live for those I love, yet I am looking for a special someone. I know the feeling of a blank slate, because other than working and going to school at night, my life is a blank slate. A good friend told me she feels that I don't know what the true me likes, feels, wants, and I do...to a point. I am just terrified about how to go about getting it. I never dated, or had a real "teenage life." I am in my 20's and feeling alone. I feel like skipping the holidays this year. I have been watching Christmas shows on t.v. for a few hours today, and they just make me sad. There is someone I have such strong feelings for, yet I truely cannot be with her. It would not work, for several reasons. This has been hurting me too. I work all day, and go to school at night, and promptly leave. I have no social life, no life, life. Any advise. I just feel empty and bitter. I want to be more than someone just expected to keep giving and doing, without anyone knowing what I feel, what I want. Things cannot change without me making changes, yet I am terrified! Some advise would be so much help, you don't even know. On the outside I am the perfect business man, yet also the student who is just barely sliding by because I work so hard at my work to distract my feelings, so I have no concentraction or time for school. Those who surround me are blindsided by how I truely feel and think my life is perfect. I love my job, hate school, and am hating my uneventful, miserable life otherwise. I want someone to love, and live my life loving. Other than my mother and brother who are sucking the life out of me. Advise would be a godsend. Enjoy your holidays....For Me.

November 24, 2008
8:28 am
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CAMER
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hi GeeZee, gosh, you are still young being in your 20's!! why not go out with friends after work or after school, and have that social life, or even on weekends.

I think the only way to meet/date people is to get out into the world and interact.

And yes, you do seem busy with work, school, etc...it does seem like a long day for you, but when you do have free time, even if its just a lil' get out and meet people, hang out with friends from school or work etc. It will all help.

Maybe set up some goals for yourself for 2009, and that'll give you something to look forward too.

And set some boundaries, with your mom and brother, so it won't seem like they are sucking the life out of you.

(((hugs and support your way)))

November 24, 2008
9:43 am
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codep
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Hello GeeZee,

Thank you for reaching out, there is a lot of encouraging, supportive people here with great advice.

It sounds like you have lived a lot of life at such a young age but it sounds like you are a very mature, responsible young adult and let me tell you that "you are way ahead of the game" You have so much going for you and a whole entire life ahead of you.

I know that sometimes life can seem mundane and boring and pointless, almost as if you are just going through the motions with no purpose or meaning "believe me I know that feeling all too well" What helps me is like Camer said: establishing some new goals to look forward to even if they are small ones, find something to look forward to, something that you can feel proud of accomplishing an example of mine is: working out because I have gotten so lazy I want to join a gym and get on a routine schedule for health purposes and this is another good place to meet people. I wouldn't focus so much on finding the right person to have in your life, the more focus you put on it the more it is intensified. Focus on finding your peace and happiness within yourself, find out what things bring joy to your soul and do them, it will come to you when the time is right. Everything in life is temporary, nothing lasts forever, I can't tell you how much my life has changed just in the last 5 years, things you never even expect just show up or happen and when you look back you say man I would have never imagined my life being the way it is today.. You may even be able to say that about yourself over the last few years of your life.

Hang in there, everything is subject to change and believe me IT WILL... in the mean time find your happiness and remember that whatever you choose to focus on becomes magnified whether it be positive or negative...

I hope you can enjoy the holidays this year, I don't know your situation about your family and maybe I'm way off for insinuating, but in opinion because of my own personal life experience, I would feel very fortunate to have some family, any family of mine for the holidays.. Both of my parents died when I was 14 and I have no other family members...

Keep your chin up....

November 25, 2008
10:31 pm
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GeeZee07458
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Hi Camer,

Thank you for your advise and imput. I know I'm young, but realistically, I live the life of a 45 year old...(no offense to anyone...:). I need to relearn how to be a 20 year old, because for as long as I can remember, I have been the business man and night time college student. I do need to get out there, and believe that if I don't I am just holding myself back. I guess never having the time to be the social butterfly, "dater" I am scared. Truely, for my happiness I do need to get past it, it is just a major step for me. I laugh, because I can run a multi-million dollar company, making huge decisions by the minute, yet I am terrified of dating and doing "minimal things" for people my age. I do have goals, the first to date, socialize more, work a little less, and have more "me time." It was harsh of me to say that my mom and brother are sucking the life out of me, but I don't want to feel taken for granted or expected to do what I do. I love my job and plan on continuing on in my position, and have further goals for advancement for my long term future. When the time is right, I would like to be able to move out...or should I say...buy a house etc. But the problem is my mom and brother live with me. I pay the rent, major bills. Mom will be going back to work soon, to contribute more, out of work due to health reasons. I think my main reason for feeling off, and taken for granted is feeling alone. Not having "someone" so my emotions were on overdrive.

**codep**

Thank You Too! I am told regularly that I am wayy too old for my age...haha. But I think I do "get" my life and understand that even though I feel put out at times, that it is the way it is. I have family friends that tell me I will be a millionaire in 10 years. That's nice to hear, but not when I give up my emotions and relationship oppertunities to work as a coping mechanism to wanting to date etc. My life is very interesting and active from my job and the several other things I do on a daily basis, school, family stuff etc. I have several goals etc and feel extremely proud of where I am today, again in relation to what I have accomplished for someone my age (job title, position, hardwork and dedication etc). It is not so much that I am on a search for "the one." I seriously would just LOVE to find someone, to date, and spend time with. Someone to spend the holidays with, make me smile, and love. I am a good guy, with a lot to offer. Money is not everything! at all. Looking back, I never would have expected to be doing what I am doing today. I totally agree about focusing on the negative will bring you down. It is just seriously like the one thing you hope and dream for, that just never seems to come and seems so far away. The holidays are also sad, because my parents are divorced and have been for about 9 years. Having a genuine x-mas with everyone together and civil, loving etc would be nice, even though it will never happen. I just feel guilty visiting one in the morning and seeing the other after dinner, later that night. It is just not the same as when I was a child...I do love the holidays, would just prefer to have someone to put my arm around, take down to Rockefeller center and skate until we're frozen and then enjoy some hot cocoa. It's the little things, that truely make me happy. I love my mom and brother and have resentment towards my dad, which hurts but I can say I love him. I am sorry for the tragic loss of your parents...deeply sorry. Make the best of your holidays.

Thank you both for your kind words. They make me feel much better. Happy Thanksgiving!

November 26, 2008
9:50 am
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CAMER
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hi GeeZee, what you said made sense...and you should make a plan, for yourself, set a date/goal as to when you'd like to move out, and do everything possible to make your life better.

I think moving out too will be good for you, showing you independence and something to call your own.

And just open up more with dating, start off slow with say coffee or a lunch date. The more you start to date, and get to know people, the easier it will be on yourself.

You seem like you have so much to offer and just keep re reading your above post, it says alot!!

And you GeeZee, have a fabulous thanksgiving yourself!!

(((camer)))

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